Amehlo kanokusho
Uma amehlo eyisibuko somphefumulo, ke kule ndatshana sizobe sibhekene nesibuko esiqhekekile.
Ukubuyela ekubeni yi-narcissist ye-pathological nokuthi ikwazi ukwenzani, sizomkhumbula kafushane echaza izici ezibalulekile.
Sikhuluma nge-narcissism ye-pathological lapho sihlangane nobuntu obuphazamisekile besilisa noma besifazane, okuyisici sabo esiyinhloko sobuntu obungenalo noma yiluphi uhlobo lokuzwelana nabanye, empeleni babona abanye njengezinto nje ezilula okufanele bazisebenzise. bafeze izinhloso zabo.
Ukuzifinyelela, i narcissists basebenzisa noma iziphi izindlela futhi abanakho ukuthuka noma ukudideka kokuthi bangakhula kanjani futhi bondle isithombe sabo abasibona ngendlela ehlanekezelwe, eguquliwe nenkulu, bezinikeza ilungelo lokuzikhohlisa ukuze bakwazi ukulawula ngokuphelele abanye abantu.
Izindawo lapho bangathola khona okuningi kwalokhu kudla okubalulekile yilezo ezihlobene nobudlelwano phakathi kwabantu ezimele indawo enhle kakhulu yokuzingela ubuntu obuthakathaka imvamisa enokuthambekela kokuzethemba okuphansi noma abadlula esikhathini esinzima empilweni abakuyo ikakhulukazi abasengozini enkulu.
Lezi yizimo ezinhle ze- narcissists ukuthi, njengezilwane eziyizidlakudla ezingayeki, ziyakwazi ukuhogela nokukhomba lezi zilwane noma ngabe zikuphi, futhi lapho nje ithuba elifanele liziveza ukuzidlela.
I narcissists basebenzisa ngokunenzuzo futhi bafunde izindawo ezifanele ukujabulela imizwa yabo yokudla, ngokwesibonelo njengamadisco, amakhonsathi, amaphathi, izikwele, izindawo zokuthenga, futhi kulesi sikhathi esiphuthumayo sezempilo se-covid-19, lapho sibhekene nezikhathi zesizungu ngenxa yokuhlukaniswa ukuvalwa okubekiwe kanye nokushintshaniswa, kulula kakhulu kubo ukuthola inqwaba yezisulu ezitholakala kuwebhu ikakhulukazi besebenzisa amanethiwekhi okuxhumana nabantu lapho befihlwe khona futhi befihliwe ngemuva kwesithombe samawundlu amahle nabasindisi ngenkathi iqiniso ukuthi sesihlangane impisi edlakadlaka.
Akunandaba ukuthi kanjani, kuphi noma nini, bayizisulu zangempela bahlala beqaphile futhi ekuzingeleni inyamazane entsha ikakhulukazi noma sebevele babamba abanye, laba bantu abasebenzisa izihlukumezi abadinwa.
Yimishini engapheli futhi ephelele njengoshaka abakwaziyo ukuthola isisulu ngokunuka igazi laso ngisho noma ukude.
Lawa makhono abo awabeka phakathi kwezigaba zezifo zengqondo yesimanje, njengabantu abanokuphazamiseka kobuntu.
Lezi ziphazamiso zingaba ngamazinga namazinga acishe ahluke kancane noma ahlukene ngokuya ngobukhulu, kuze kufike esigabeni sama-sociopaths nama-psychopaths njengabaphrofayili ababulali ababulalayo.
Kepha yimaphi amakhono okuqala asemqoka asetshenziswe yilaba bantu abaphazamisekile ukubamba isisulu abasibonile futhi abasisebenzisa esikhathini sokuqala sokusondela?
Siyazi ukuthi izisulu zalaba bantu zinezici "ezikhethekile" nezinhle futhi ngeshwa lezo ezingezinhle ezichazwe ngenhla nezimalungana nohlangothi lokuba sengozini.
Lezi zinto ezikhethekile zenza isisulu se-narcissist into ehahelwa kakhulu futhi ebiziwe kakhulu. Isibonelo, ngifuna abantu abanobuhle obuthile obuthile noma ngobuhlakani obumakiwe, uzwela, ubuzwela futhi ngaphezu kwakho konke lokho okushiwo yi-narcissist futhi okwenza kube njalo: uzwela. Lezi yizisulu ezifanele ze-narcissist ye-pathological.
Lezi zici ezibalulekile zibalulekile ukuze zikhethwe yi-sociopath futhi zibe yingxenye yezinduna zakhe zamadoda noma zabesifazane (kuya ngomfazi we-narcissist noma owesilisa) okufanele engezwe kanye nezinye izindebe.
I-modus operandi evivinyiwe futhi ehlelekile yokwandisa ukuzazisa kwabo, isithombe sabo sobukhulu esibaqinisa kakhulu nsuku zonke ngendlela abazakhele ngayo kusukela besebancane ukubhekana nokukhulelwa indlela yabo yokuphila.
Ukubuyela kwesinye sezikhali ezibulala kakhulu lezi zimfanelo ngokwemvelo ngokungangabazeki ukubuka kwabo.
Lapho nje usuhlangana ne narcissist kusukela emizuzwini yokuqala, kusukela endleleni yokuqala, indlela akubheka ngayo iyathakatha futhi ingene ngokushesha kodwa ihlale ihambisana ngasikhathi sinye nemizwa engaqondakali yokungaphatheki kahle.
Amehlo kanokusho
Ukubukeka okuthi, uma kungaziwa ngokungakhathalekile, kungabonakala njengenye yezindlela ezimbalwa zokuzivikela zokuzivikela nokuzivikela ekuhluphekeni okukhulu umuntu abengabhekana nakho ngokungangabazeki uma ngeshwa omunye ewela enethini yombulali wezinto.
Amehlo akhe anikeza kusukela ngomzuzu wokuqala umphumela njengokuthi uphelelwe amandla, uzizwa ungaphansi kwemiphumela njengalapho uluthiswe, maduzane sizobhala ngeqiniso elenzekile maqondana nendaba yodokotela wezidumbu we-narcissist owasebenzisa amasu okulutha iminyaka yeziguli zakhe ezingazi lutho zokuyisebenzisa kabi.
Ngokushesha nje lapho uhlangana nobunye balobu buntu, kulula ukuzwa ngokushesha imizwa engajwayelekile nephazamisayo ngaphakathi kwakho, ehambisana nokubanda kwamakhaza kukhuphuka umgogodla.
Ukungaphatheki kahle okuxakile futhi okuyingozi kepha ngeshwa naphezu kwalezi zimpawu ezizwakalayo, umuntu ukhangwa ikakhulukazi yilokho kubukeka okuxakile okusigila ngenkathi umlobi wezichaza echaza ukuthi ukhuluma nathi ngaye futhi uhamba ngendlela enkulu.
Lawo mehlo angenalutho futhi angenamphefumulo, athe njo kithina kodwa hhayi ukuqonda ukuthi singobani nokuthi umfakisicelo onentshisekelo kithi uzokwenzenjani, benza ukuphoqelela ukubusa kwabo ngaphakathi komphefumulo wethu ojulile, bayakwazi ukusheshe babone amaphuzu abuthakathaka esisisulu bazisebenzisa ngaphandle kokuchitha isikhathi, kungalesi sikhathi lapho amandla okulutha okubuka okubi aqale ukusebenza.
Isikhathi esizolandela incazelo yabo yokunqoba sizoba esibaluleke kunazo zonke ukubamba isisulu, uma ungokhethiwe noma okhethiwe ngumqaphi uzobona ukuthi ezikhathini zokuqala zokuxhumana uzogcwala izincomo futhi ubhekiswe ukuncoma, uzozwa konke okukwenza ujabule kakhulu futhi okuzonikeza umoya-mpilo ekuzethembeni kwakho okuphansi, ngeshwa lesi sigaba esibizwa nge- "lovebombing" sizohlala kancane kakhulu, empeleni uzobona ngokushesha ukuthi ngokumamatheka okungenamqondo futhi uhlale ubheke amehlo akho, uzobhekiswa kokuqashelwayo, isiphakamiso noma okunye ngokuthize akubonile kukuhle noma kukubi ngawe, kuchitha nokubuyisa lezo zincomo abekade ekunika zona isikhashana ngaphambi kokukubamba, kodwa ngeke ukwazi ukumelana nayo ngoba lo muzwa ongathandeki uzofika kuwe njengengozi yobuntu encane ukuze ulungiswe ngaphandle kokukunikeza isisindo esiningi.
Lesi yisibonakaliso sokuthi uwele ogibeni lwakhe nokuthi usuhlangane nobubi, okwakho noma obuza ngempi yakho.
Leyo mizwa emibi nenganeme ebesiyizwa ukuthi bekungumzwelo wethu osenze sabaleka ngokushesha ngaphandle kokubheka emuva, wukuzivikela kwethu okusixwayisa ngengozi enkulu nokungayilaleli kuzoba yiphutha elikhulu. Lapho uqhubeka uhehwa ngamehlo omuntu osebenzisa i-narcissist kulapho uwela kwi-limbo yabo kungasekho ukubuya, imiphumela iyoba mibi, enetheni uzothola imininingwane emikhulu yobufakazi obubuhlungu obusizo ukugwema ukungena ekubukweni okubi.
Ibhalwe nguLoris Valentine
