Nthawi zina anthu omwe amalephera kuthana ndi mantha awo, mipata, kusowa chitetezo komanso zokhumudwitsa amakumana ndi vuto lalikulu loti azilamulira ena. Amayesetsa kuwapatsa malingaliro awo ndi zosankha, kuwakakamiza kuti agwirizane ndi zofuna zawo ndikukwaniritsa zosowa zawo. Khalidwe ili limawapangitsa kuti akhazikitse ubale wopambana momwe amatha kupondereza ena, kuwamana mpweya wofunikira wamaganizidwe kuti akhale.
Kufunika kolamulira ena kumaonekera munthawi, nyengo ndi zochitika zosiyanasiyana. Atha kukhala kholo losatetezeka lomwe limayesetsa kuwongolera ana awo kuti akhalebe ndiudindo malinga ndi momwe angathere. Atha kukhala munthu amene amayang'anira mnzake kuyesera kupanga ubale wa kudalira kwamalingaliro osatayidwa. Kapena atha kukhala abwenzi, ogwira nawo ntchito, kapena mabwana ovuta omwe amayamba kuwongolera machitidwe, kuwanyengerera, kapena kuwachitira zachinyengo.
Aliyense amene walephera kubweretsa bata mkati amayesa kukakamiza kunja
Anthu ambiri amayesetsa kulamulira anzawo chifukwa cholephera kudziletsa, kudziletsa, komanso kudzidalira. Chikhumbo chawo cholamulira ena ndi njira yobwezera: sangathe kudziwongolera, chifukwa chake amayesa kupondereza ndi kugonjetsa ena.
Awa ndianthu omwe amafunika kudzilimbitsa kudzera muubwenzi womwe amapanga. Mwa kuwongolera ena amadzipangira chithunzi champhamvu kwambiri ndikukhala ndi lingaliro la kudzidalira lomwe sangathe kukwaniritsa ndikudziletsa. Izi zikutanthauza kuti, pansi pamtima, ndi anthu osatetezeka, omwe amadzidalira komanso amavutika kwambiri pakuwongolera mdziko lawo lamaganizidwe molimbika.
Zowonadi, kuyesayesa kwakanthawi kofuna kuwongolera ena kumawululira zakufunika kwakukulu "kudyetsedwa" ndikuwopa kusiyidwa.
Zopempha zawo nthawi zambiri zimawulula kutsutsana uku, kuwonetsa kuti amawonetsera zolakwa zawo kwa ena. Mwachitsanzo, angatiuze kuti, tiyenera kudya zakudya zoperewera akakhala onenepa kwambiri, kapena kuti timawononga ndalama pamene kwenikweni sakusamalira bwino chuma chawo. Wogwira naye ntchito angatineneze kuti sitikugwira bwino ntchito tikamawononga nthawi yake, mnzathu atha kudandaula kuti tikumulamulira pomwe kwenikweni ndizosiyana.
Le kuwongolera umunthu amavutikanso kuthana ndi kusatsimikizika, salola kuti zinthu zosayembekezereka zitheke. Polephera kusintha mayankho awo pamavuto ndi zovuta, amayesa kuwongolera omwe ali pafupi nawo, poyesa kupeza chitetezo chomwe angafune. Kwenikweni, amasuntha zawo locus of control kuchokera mkati mpaka kunja.
Pakati pasatana ndi pansi panyanja yozama
Akatswiri a zamaganizidwe ku mayunivesite a Wurzburg ndi Basel apeza kuti anthu omwe amadziletsa amalephera kuchita zinthu mopitilira muyeso. Izi zikutanthauza kuti anthuwa amachita mopupuluma ndipo samayendetsa bwino mawu, kotero kufunikira kwawo kuwalamulira sikuloleza kachedwedwe kapena zifukwa. Anthu awa amangotipititsa pakati pa thanthwe ndi malo ovuta: mwina tili nawo ndikupereka zofuna zawo kapena tikutsutsana nawo ngati tifuna kuteteza ufulu wathu.
Kulephera kuwona malo apakati ndikumvetsetsa kuti tikufunikira malo athu okhala, popanda kutanthauza kuti timawakonda kapena kuwayamikira pang'ono, ndizomwe zimayambitsa kusamvana m'banjamo. Anthu omwe amadzimva kuti akufunika kudziletsa nthawi zonse amatikakamiza, kutikakamiza kuti tisiye zokonda zathu zambiri kapena kuchedwetsa zosowa zathu mwachikondi kapena kunyengerera.
Zotsatira zake, munthu wamtunduwu amatifunsa chilichonse: nthawi, kuthandizidwa, kukhulupirika, kudzipereka komanso, kumvera mwakhungu, mpaka kuwononga "kudzikonda" kwathu.
Osayang'ana mwa ena zomwe simukuzipeza mwa inu nokha
Anthu omwe akulephera kudziletsa ayenera kumvetsetsa kuti kuwongolera ena sikungathetse mavuto awo chifukwa vuto silili kunja koma mkati. Kulamulira anthu kumachepetsa ufulu wawo ndipo, pamapeto pake, kumayambitsa mikangano muubwenzi yomwe imawonjezera mwayi wokhala okha.
Chifukwa chake, akuyenera kuyika zida zamaganizidwe zomwe zimawalola kuti azitha kuchita bwino. Malo abwino oti muyambire ndikuyesetsa kuti tisakhale odzikonda.
Kuyesa kochitidwa pa Sukulu ya Stanford zinawulula kuti kudziletsa kumadalira, mwa zina, pakutha kwathu kuwona zinthu momwe ena akuwonera. Akatswiri azamaganizowa apeza kuti kulingalira momwe tsogolo lathu "I" lingayankhire kumathandizira kudziletsa powonjezera kuthekera kwathu kochedwetsa kukhutitsidwa kwa pano komanso mtsogolo.
Chifukwa chake, mukawona kuti muyenera kuwongolera ena, imani kaye ndikudzifunsa zomwe muyenera kuchita mkati mwanu. Aukhondo mkati, choyambirira.
Malire:
Hofmann, W.; Friese, M. & Strack, F. (2009) Kuthamangitsidwa ndi Kudziletsa Koyambira Maganizo Awiri. Perspect Psychol Sci; 4 (2): 162-176.
Hershfield, H. et. Al. (2009) Osasiya kuganizira zamawa: Kusiyana kwamunthu payekhapayekha chifukwa chodzipulumutsa. Judgm Decis Mak; 1; 4 (4): 280-286.
Pakhomo Iwo amene sangathe kudziletsa amayesetsa kulamulira anzawo idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.
