Opha anthu ndi amene amapha anthu. Amene akuphwanya malamulowa ndi ogwirira. Olakwa ndi akuba ndi akuba. Ndi corny. Koma nthawi zina mizere imasokonekera ndipo wina amagwera m'dambo la anthu omwe akuimba mlandu.
Mlingo wa liwongo, ndithudi, umasiyana. Kuimba mlandu kwa wozunzidwa kumatengera miyeso ndi ma nuances ambiri. Palinso ena amene amaika thayo lonse la zimene zinachitika kwa wochitiridwayo ndi awo amene amati ndi wochepa chabe wa liwongo. Palinso anthu ena amene amaganiza kuti wovulalayo akanatha kuchita zinthu zina kuti apewe kuukirako, ngati kuti anali ndi mpira wosonyeza zimene zichitike.
Zoonadi, sikutheka nthawi zonse kudzudzula wozunzidwayo momveka bwino mwa kunena zolimba za udindo wake muzowona, chifukwa anthu amakonda kutsutsa maudindo oterowo. Pazifukwa izi anthu amagwiritsa ntchito njira zosadziwika bwino zodzudzula, monga kafukufuku wochitidwa pa Brock University, kunena kuti mchitidwewo umachokera ku makhalidwe omwe ozunzidwa angathe kuwongolera. Ndiye palinso ena amene amaimba mlandu wozunzidwayo chifukwa cha "kusasamala" kwake ndi omwe amamuimba mlandu chifukwa cha kusadziwa kwake.
N’chifukwa chiyani timaimba mlandu anthu ozunzidwa m’malo mowathandiza?
Chizoloŵezi choimba mlandu wozunzidwa chimachokera kukhulupirira dziko lolungama. Ndipotu, zasonyezedwa kuti kukhulupirira kuti kuli dziko lolungama kungatichititse kukhala osaganizira ena akuvutika.
Ngakhale kuti palibe chilungamo pa nyama kapena m’chilengedwe, timakhulupirira kuti dziko ndi zimene zimatichitikira zimamvera malamulo ena achilungamo padziko lonse. Tonse tili ndi lingaliro losazindikira kuti anthu akuyenera zomwe zimawachitikira, zabwino ndi zoyipa. Kuganiza kuti zinthu zoipa zimachitika kwa anthu abwino zimatsutsa chikhulupirirochi ndipo zimatikhumudwitsa kwambiri.
Kuti tipewe kusokonezeka kwa chidziwitso, timakonda kuyang'ana kufotokozera kwina, tanthauzo lomveka la zomwe zinachitika, makamaka lomwe liri lotonthoza ndi logwirizana ndi maganizo athu a dziko lolungama limenelo. Timakonda kusaganiza kuti zinthu zina zimachitika mwangozi ndipo timafunafuna chifukwa chomwe chimakhutiritsa chikhulupiriro chathu chakuti zinthu zoipa, m’lingaliro lina, ndi mtundu wa chilango.
Ngati tinkaganiza kuti dziko ndi malo achipwirikiti ndi opanda chilungamo, tiyenera kuvomereza zotheka kuti aliyense angachite ngozi. Makolo athu, ana athu, okondedwa athu kapena ifeyo. Kukhulupirira chilungamo chachilengedwe chonsecho kumadzetsa lingaliro lonyenga lachisungiko. Zimatithandiza kuganiza kuti zinthu zoopsazi sizingatichitikire, chifukwa timadziwa kuchita zinthu zoyenera, ndife ochenjera kapena osamala kwambiri.
Mwachitsanzo, tikhoza kuganiza kuti: “akadapanda kutulutsa chikwama chake, sakadachilanda m’manja mwake”, “akadasankha njira yabwinoko, sakanaukiridwa” kapena “Akadayika alamu, sakadaba nyumba yake”.
Kuimba mlandu wochitiridwayo kumatipangitsa kumva kuti ndife otetezeka chifukwa timakhulupirira kuti ndife olamulira. Limapereka chikhulupiliro chakuti ngati sitichita mofanana kapena osafanana ndi munthuyo, zomwezo sizingachitike kwa ife. Ichi ndichifukwa chake timakonda kuganiza kuti udindo uli ndi munthu amene wazunzidwa.
Pamapeto pake, zonse zimachokera ku lingaliro lakuti ngati tichita "zoyenera," tidzakhala otetezeka. Chifukwa chake, tikamaimba mlandu wozunzidwayo, zomwe tikuchita ndikufunafuna chitetezo m'dziko lomwe timaganiza kuti ndi lachipwirikiti, lankhanza kapena lopanda chilungamo.
Ululu wobwera chifukwa cha kubwezeretsedwa
Ndipo choipitsitsa kwambiri n’chakuti, pamene mchitidwe wankhanza kwambiri, m’pamenenso timakhala ndi chizoloŵezi choimba mlandu wochitiridwayo chifukwa timafunikira kufunafuna mayankho ndi kumva kukhala osungika. Ndipotu, phunziro linachitidwa pa Yunivesite ya Franklin Pierce inavumbula kuti kudziona ngati wopanda thandizo kwa akazi kumawonjezera mbiri ya kuimbidwa mlandu anthu ochitiridwa nkhanza zokhudza kugonana.
Popanda kuzindikira, malingaliro odzudzula awa, makamaka akagawidwa poyera, ndi njira ina yopangira wozunzidwayo kuti ayankhe. Chifukwa chake, amakhala mchitidwe wachiwiri wachiwawa.
Zoonadi, kukayikira za upandu kapena kukula kwa chivulazocho kaŵirikaŵiri kumakhala cholepheretsa kuchira. Anthu amene amaimba mlandu munthu amene wavutika mobwerezabwereza amawadzudzula, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kuti athetse vutolo.
Kuchitiridwanso nkhanza kumeneku kumalepheretsanso anthu masauzande ambiri kunena za nkhanza zomwe adakumana nazo kapenanso kulimba mtima kuuza anthu omwe ali pafupi nawo chifukwa sadziwa ngati angapeze chithandizo ndi kutsimikizika kwamalingaliro komwe akufunikira. N’chifukwa chake anthu ambiri amavutika maganizo awo mwakachetechete kuvulala m'maganizo.
Pamene wozunzidwayo akuimbidwa mlandu, sikuti maganizo awo amangokhala osavomerezeka, komanso zomwe akumana nazo, makamaka panthawi yomwe ali pachiopsezo chachikulu, pamene akufunikira thandizo lalikulu. Kusumika maganizo pa wozunzidwayo sikungochotsa mlandu kwa wozunzayo, koma kungapangitsenso wozunzidwayo kudzikayikira ndi kuganiza kuti ndiye analakwitsa. Choncho, mosadziwa, tikhoza kumangodzilungamitsa zosayenerera.
Komabe, chinthu choyipa kwambiri chomwe chingachitike kwa munthu yemwe wachitiridwa chiwembu ndicho kumva kuweruzidwa, kudzudzulidwa, kudzudzulidwa ndi kunyozedwa. Ichi ndichifukwa chake tonsefe, osaletsa, tiyenera kukayikira zolinga zathu ndikuyang'ana kwambiri mawu athu, kuwonetsetsa kuti sitipanga zopweteka zambiri m'malo mwake kukhala malo otetezeka omwe ozunzidwa amafunikira.
Malire:
Hafer, CL ndi. Al. (2019) Umboni woyeserera wa kulakwa kosadziwika bwino popanda kulakwa. PLoS One; 14 (12): e0227229.
Gravelin, C. et. Al. (2017) Zotsatira za mphamvu ndi kusowa mphamvu pakuimba mlandu wogwiriridwa. Njira Zamagulu & Maubale a Magulu; 22 (1): 10.1177.
Pakhomo Kuimba mlandu wozunzidwayo, mchitidwe wachiwiri wachiwawa idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.
