"Akekho umuntu oyisiqhingi, ophelele uqobo lwaso", kubhala uJohn Donne. Sidinga abanye nabanye
bayasidinga. Imizwa yabanye iyasithinta njengoba nabo besithinta
imizwelo yethu iyabathinta abanye. Lokhu kuxhumana okungokomzwelo okujulile
okusiqinisayo, kepha futhi kusenza sengozini kakhulu.
Ngempela, singakwazi
baba sengcupheni yokuncika kakhulu ekusekelweni ngokomzwelo kwe-
ezinye, okusincisha ithuba lokuthi sithuthukise amathuluzi we
ukuzilawula ngokomzwelo. Kuyinto evamile ukuthi sidinge umuntu ngezikhathi ezithile
okusithobisayo, kusiduduze noma kusikhuthaze; kepha uma lokho kuba yinto ejwayelekile futhi thina singekho
sikwazi ukuphatha izimo zethu ezingokomzwelo sisodwa, sizoba nenkinga, ngani
sizoncika ekulawulweni ngokomzwelo okwedlulele.
Yini umthethonqubo ongaphandle ongokomzwelo?
Abantu abasizungezile
bavame ukudlala indima ebalulekile ekusisizeni ukuphatha imizwa yethu. Ukuzimela
sinephrojekthi ebalulekile, isibonelo, singazizwa sikhathazekile noma sicasukile
ukuzwa ukuthi asiqhubeki phambili futhi umnqamulajuqu ususondele.
Kulesi simo, kwesinye isikhathi,
imizamo yethu yokulawula imizwa ingahluleka futhi iphele
ukudala ukukhungatheka okuningi. Ngakho-ke lapho kufika umlingani wethu, uzenza yena
Ngiyabona ukuthi singene kumjikelezo owonakalisayo futhi kusisiza ukuphuma kuwo.
Esinye senzekile
umthethonqubo ongokomzwelo ongaphandle, oqukethe inqubo ngawo
umuntu oyedwa unomthelela esimweni somzwelo somunye, ngokuqaphela nangokuthi a
umgomo oqondile engqondweni. Umuntu onethonya komunye ubizwa ngokuthi "umlawuli".
Akunazwelo noma ukutheleleka okungokomzwelo, ukulawulwa ngokomzwelo
i-extrinsic iya kude kakhulu
Ukulawulwa ngokomzwelo
okwedlulele akufanele kudidaniswe nozwela noma ukutheleleka okulula okungokomzwelo,
inqubo ehlukile abayingxenye yayo:
1. Ukuzimisela. Ngokungafani nokutheleleka okungokomzwelo, okwenzekayo
ngokuzenzakalela, imvamisa ngaphandle kokuyazi ngokuphelele, ukulungiswa
imizwa engaphandle isho ukuzimisela. Umlawuli uhlose ukwenza
ukuthonya imizwa yomunye umuntu, uyazi ngokufuna ukushintsha
leso simo somzwelo ngezenzo zakhe, zombili ukukhuthaza ukuthi ungubani
okudabukisayo, kokubili ukwehlisa labo abathukuthele.
2. Ukulingisa. Singazwelana nomuntu, sixhumane nababo
imizwa futhi siyiqonde, kepha lokho akusho ukuthi siyakwenza
okuthile okuthonya imizwa yabo. Kumthethonqubo ongokomzwelo ongaphandle, al
ngokuphambene nalokho, umlawuli uthatha indima ebonakalayo ekuthonyeni omunye. angakwazi
ziyehluka ngokwelulekwa noma ngenye indlela yokuchazwa kwenkinga kuye ku-
ukwanga okunikeza ukuzethemba nokuvikeleka.
3. Izinguquko zemizwa emihle noma emibi. Umthethonqubo ongokomzwelo ongaphandle awukhawulelwanga kuwo
ukwenza ngcono imizwa yabantu, ukubakhuthaza lapho bephansi noma ukubathoba umoya lapho
bathukuthele. Le nqubo futhi inganciphisa imizwa emihle noma
kuze kudale nemizwa engemihle. Isibonelo, umlawuli angakhuphula i-
izinga lethu lokukhathazeka ukusisiza sihlangabezane nesikhathi esinqunyiwe noma sinciphise
intshiseko yethu yephrojekthi eyingozi kakhulu.
Amaphutha ama-5 abalawuli bezemizwa
Sonke, ngezinga elithile
isikhathi, sisebenza njengabalawuli bemizwa yabanye. Noma kunjalo, ku
kwezinye izimo singagcina sesidala umonakalo oshukunyiswa okungcono kakhulu
izinhloso.
1. Ukungaboni ukuthi imizwa iyadingeka. Elinye lamaphutha amakhulu esiwenzayo lapho
sizama ukuphatha imizwa yabanye akuqapheli lokho, mhlawumbe, umuzwa
liyadingeka ngaleso sikhathi. Isibonelo, mhlawumbe okuncane kwe- eustress
yilokho kuphela esikudingayo ukuqeda iphrojekthi ngesikhathi, ke
uma othile ezama ukukhululeka, ngeke kusisize ngalutho. Umlawuli kufanele
njalo cabanga ngokucophelela izindleko nezinzuzo zokugcina umzwelo
ofisa ukuguquka maqondana nezinzuzo ezingalethwa umzwelo
ihlose ukusungula.
2. Khetha isu elingalungile. Ukuthonya isimo somunye umuntu ngokomzwelo,
kufanele sicabangele isu, okungaba yilelo
mkhuthaze ukuthi athathe uhambo lokuphumula noma akhulume ukuze amkhulule
imizwelo ecindezelwe. Kepha uma isu lihluleka, lingadala okuningi
ukulimaza kunokuhle. Isibonelo, kukhonjisiwe ukuthi kukhulunywa ngokuhlukumezeka
ngokushesha nje lapho inganikela ekuhlanganisweni kwayo.
3. Ukucindezela okucacile. Elinye lamasu wokulawula imizwa okhipha amandla
okulimaza kakhulu imvamisa ukucindezela okucacile, okuqukethe ukwehlisela ku-
kuncane inkinga yomuntu noma ukukhathazeka. Imisho efana "Ungakhathazeki, akulutho"
bangaba nomphumela ophambene ngoba umuntu ngeke azizwe evunyelwe
ngokomzwelo, ngokuphambene nalokho, uzozwa ukuthi kufanele afihle imizwa yakhe
ngoba azemukelwa emphakathini.
4. Ungazibeki endaweni yomunye umuntu. Kwesinye isikhathi sishukunyiswa izinhloso ezinhle kakhulu, kepha hhayi
singasusa ubugovu bethu ekusizeni abanye. Siyakholwa
ukuthi amasu asebenzela thina kumele abe nomthelela ofanayo kwabanye,
kanti akunjalo. Iqiniso lokuthi sifuna ukuya ephathini lapho sizizwa sinjalo
eyedwa noma edabukisayo akusho ukuthi kuyafana nakwabanye, imvamisa,
unomphumela ophambene. Ngakho-ke, uma sizama ukuphatha imizwa yabanye
ngokombono wethu, kungenzeka ukuthi sibe iatrogenic.
5. Nikela ngokushesha okukhulu. Ukulawulwa ngokomzwelo kuyinkqubo eyinkimbinkimbi leyo
ngokuvamile kuthatha isikhathi. Asikwazi ukuguqula usizi lube yinjabulo
snap, ngakho-ke ukunikela ngokushesha kakhulu ngemuva kokuzama kokuqala i
iphutha elivamile lapho sizama ukusizana.
Phatha imizwa yakho noma uvumele abanye
uzilungise?
Wonke umuntu, ngezinga elithile
isikhathi, sidinga usizo ukuphatha imizwa yethu. Nini
sibhekene nesikhathi esinzima kakhulu, njengokuphela kwesinye
ubuhlobo, ukulahlekelwa umsebenzi noma ukushona kothandekayo ngezikhathi ezithile
sidinga umuntu ozosisekela futhi asiduduze. Kuyinto evamile.
Kepha uma sifika
ukuncika cishe kwabanye kuphela ukulawula izifundazwe zethu
kuthinta, sizoba nenkinga, ngoba kusho ukuthi asikwazi
sikhombe, siqonde futhi / noma silawule imizwa yethu.
Shiya ukuphathwa
yemizwa yethu ezandleni zabanye kuhilela ukuyakha Ukuba umlutha wezithombe
kuthinta, ukuze sizizwe silahlekile futhi sididekile ngaphandle kwalokho
umuntu. Kunjengokungathi siyingane encane engakwazi ukuphatha eyakhe
ukusabela ngokomzwelo, okungaholela ekutheni senze izinqumo ezimbi kakhulu.
Ngakho-ke, yize ukulawulwa okungokomzwelo okwedlulele kuyinto ejwayelekile,
kufanele siqiniseke ukuthi siyisebenzisa kuphela ezimweni ezithile.
Ukuqedwa kwezilawuli ezingokomzwelo
Ukulawulwa ngokomzwelo
i-extrinsic nayo ingathinta abantu abaphoqeleka ukwenza njenge
abalawuli bezemizwa kwabanye. Laba bantu kufanele bathwale kanzima
imizwa yabanye - ngaphezu kweyabo - futhi lokhu kungaholela kokungokoqobo
uzwela syndrome.
Ukuncika ku-
imizwa yomunye wokumsiza ukuba ayiphathe ngendlela yokuqina kakhulu
kukhathaza kakhulu, ikakhulukazi ngoba laba bantu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi
bagcina sebethwele imithwalo yemfanelo engahambisani nabo. Lokhu akunjalo
kusho ukuthi akufanele sitholakale ngokomzwelo ukusiza
abanye, kepha sidinga ukuqiniseka ukuthi akubi yinto ejwayelekile.
Ngempela, ukudla
lokho kulutheka ngeke kulungele noma ngubani, ngakho-ke uma sifuna ngempela
usizo, kufanele sikwazi ukuhambisana ngaphandle kokuhlasela nokusekela
ngaphandle kokufaka esikhundleni.
Imithombo
UNozaki, Y.
& UMikolajczak, M. (2020) Umthethonqubo wokuthinta imizwa engaphandle. Umzwelo; 20 (1): 10-15.
UNozaki, Y.
(2015) Ikhono elingokomzwelo kanye nomthethonqubo wangaphandle womzwelo oqondiswe ku
umuntu oxoshiwe. Umzwelo;
15 (6): 763-774.
UHofmann,
I-SG (2014) Imodeli Yokulawulwa Kwemizwelo Yomuntu Yokukhathazeka Nokukhathazeka
Ukuphazamiseka. I-Cognit Ther Res;
I-38 (5): 483-492.
Umnyango Umthetho Wangaphandle Wemizwa: Lapho abanye belawula imizwa yakho yashicilelwa okokuqala ngo Ikhona lePsychology.
