Isibopho phakathi komama nezingane singesinye seziqine kakhulu ezikhona. Kodwa-ke, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lobu budlelwano budlula ezigabeni ezahlukahlukene, ngakho-ke uma bungabuyekezwa ngokwanele futhi buphathwe, ngomthamo omuhle wokuguquguquka ovumela izindima ukuthi zivuselelwe, bungakwazi ukukhiqiza inani elithile lokungqubuzana eligcina lidala ibanga elingokomzwelo.
Okwenza silingane nakho kuyasihlukanisa
Ngo-2016, abacwaningi abavela eNyuvesi yaseCalifornia kanye ne I-Stanford University bathola ukuthi ubuhlobo bukamama nendodakazi bunezici eziphawulekayo ezazingabonakali kwezinye izibopho zomkhaya.
Impela, babona ukuthi ivolumu yento empunga yayifana kakhulu komama namadodakazi kwezinye izindawo ezihlobene nemizwelo, kanye ne-morphology "yobuchopho bomzwelo". Empeleni, i Imizwelo yethu ifana kakhulu nekamama bethu.
Kodwa lokho kufana akusona isiqinisekiso sokuvumelanisa kanye nokuguquguquka ebudlelwaneni. Noma okungenani hhayi njalo. Eqinisweni, lokhu kufana kungase kube isizathu sokuthi kungani ubuhlobo phakathi komama namadodakazi bungenye yezinto eziyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu, ezinzima futhi ezibucayi ukuphatha. Akukhona nje ukuqondana ukuthi abantu abadala abaningi bayakwazi ukuxazulula izingxabano nabanye ngokuqiniseka, kodwa bengenawo amathuluzi angokwengqondo okubhekana nokungaboni ngaso linye nomama babo.
Ubuhlobo phakathi kukamama nendodakazi ngokuvamile busekelwe ekungaqondini; okungukuthi, ihlanganisa izidingo nemizwa engqubuzanayo njengoba ibonakala ngokushuba okuphezulu kwemizwelo lapho inyunyana nokunamathela kubonakaliswa khona kanye nesidingo sebanga nokuzimela. Ngenxa yalokho, ukungezwani kugcina sekuyinsakavukela.
Okuqukethwe okuhleliwe, umthwalo wamadodakazi
Esinye sezihluthulelo zokungqubuzana phakathi kukamama nendodakazi ilele kulokho kufana kwemizwelo. Ngezinye izikhathi siphonsa izithunzi zethu kwabanye. Ngalokhu indlela yokuzivikela sifaka komunye umuntu imizwa, izifiso, izifiso noma izinkolelo esingaziboni njengezethu, ngoba ukuzamukela kuzoshintsha isithombe esinaso ngathi.
Uma sibona lokhu okuqukethwe kukhonjiswe ekuziphatheni kamama wethu, isibonelo, siyasabela. Lokho kusabela akunangqondo, kodwa kuvela ekujuleni kokungazi kwethu. Ngenxa yalokho, singazizwa singakhululekile noma sithukuthele futhi simsole ngokuziphatha, imibono noma imizwelo okungeyethu ngempela, kodwa asifuni ukuyamukela.
Kulokhu, omama bethu bangenza njengesibuko, basinike umbono esingafuni ukuzibona kuwo. Lokhu kudala ukusabela okujulile kokulahlwa, okungabhekiseli komunye umuntu ngempela, kodwa okumayelana nokuqukethwe ngokwengqondo esingakuthandi.
Phindanisa ubuhlobo bengane, isabelo sikamama somthwalo wemfanelo
Ubunkimbinkimbi bobudlelwane bukamama nendodakazi budlulela ngale kwezindlela ze ukuqagela. Ezikhathini eziningi izingxoxo, izingxabano nokungaboni ngaso linye ziphakama ngoba omama bayaqhubeka nokuphindaphinda indlela yobudlelwano efanayo ababephatha ngayo izingane zabo zisencane.
Leyo modeli yobudlelwano kwesinye isikhathi idlula ezihlazweni noma ekubekeni. Ngenxa yalokho, izingane zisabela ngokuvukela, njengoba zazenza lapho zisemusha. Iqiniso lokuthi abantu abadala abanezimpilo eziphumelelayo abakwazi ukugcina ubudlelwano obuhle phakathi kwabantu bagcina benomuzwa wokuthi omama babo bayabathukuthelisa ikakhulukazi ngenxa yokuthi baye babuyela emuva kwesinye isigaba sokuziphendukela kwemvelo.
Ukuziphatha komama kungase kusebenze njengesisusa esingokomzwelo esisiyisa ezigabeni zangaphambili zokukhula kwethu, eminyakeni lapho kungenzeka ukuthi besingenakho ukuqina nokuzethemba njengoba sinjalo manje ngenxa yokuthi besingenawo amakhono okuxhumana nokuxazulula izingxabano okwamanje. Ukuhlehla kwangempela okuholela ezingxoxweni eziphindaphindiwe, ngokulandelana, ngezihloko ezahlukene, kodwa ukuphindaphinda amaphethini afanayo nezimpendulo ezifanayo zesikhathi esidlule.
Izingxabano ezingaxazululiwe, isibopho sakho kokubili
Ezikhathini eziningi izingxabano nokungaboni ngaso linye ebudlelwaneni phakathi komama namadodakazi akuveli esikhathini samanje kodwa kuvela esikhathini esedlule, izingxabano ezifihliwe. Uma ezinye izinkinga zingakaxazululwa emlandweni wokuvinjelwa, ziyadonsa futhi ziphinde zibangele ngezikhathi ezithile, isikhathi ngasinye lapho izimo ezithile ziphindaphindwa.
Ngokwesibonelo, ezimweni lapho indodakazi yaphoqelelwa ukuba ibe umzali noma ihlangabezane nokunganakwa ngokomzwelo ebuntwaneni, “izimangalo” ziyaqalwa. Ngandlela thize umuntu uqala ukubuyisela lokho angazange akuthole njengendodakazi ngokuhlanjalazwa.
Ngokufanayo, uma umama kuye kwadingeka alahle amaphupho akhe ukuze abhekane nokukhulisa ingane, kungenzeka ngokufanayo ukuthi uzodinga ukunakwa nokunakekelwa esikhathini esizayo. Lowo mama angaqhubeka ekhiphela ukukhungatheka kwakhe ezinganeni zakhe ezindala. Angase alindele lukhulu “ngomhlatshelo” wakhe futhi uma izingane zakhe zingahlangani nawo, angase azizwe ephoxekile futhi ambambezele.
Dala ubuhlobo obusha bukamama nendodakazi
Ubudlelwano phakathi kukamama nendodakazi akufanele bume, kodwa kufanele buvuselelwe ukuze buvumelane nezigaba ezahlukene zempilo kanye nezidingo ezishintshayo zomuntu ngamunye. Kubalulekile ukuzindla ngaleso sibopho futhi siqonde ukuthi sikuthinta kanjani ukuphila kwethu.
Ukubhekana neqiniso lobudlelwano kungaba nzima, kodwa akudingekile kangako. Isibopho singase singabi yikho konke umama noma indodakazi ebekuthembile noma ebekufisa, ngakho ukulungisa okulindelekile kubalulekile.
Phela, izingxabano zivame ukuvela lapho omunye noma omunye engafezi okulindeleke kuye. Kulokhu, kungcono kakhulu ukusondela ebuhlotsheni njengoba besingenza noma yisiphi esinye isibopho sabantu abadala, okusho ukwamukela kalula "imikhawulo" yomunye umuntu noma indlela yakhe. Imayelana nokwamukela ezinye njengoba zinjalo, ngaphandle kokulindela ukuthi ziphelele noma zilingane nemodeli yethu. Lokhu kusisindisa ekuthatheni izinto njengabantu ngabanye futhi kungathuthukisa kakhulu ubudlelwano.
Yebo, kubalulekile futhi ukuthi wonke umuntu abhekane "nodoti ongokomzwelo." UChristiane Northrup ukusho lokho "Ifa likamama elingcono kakhulu ukuphiliswa njengomuntu wesifazane." Kodwa wabuye wabhalela amadodakazi akhe ukuthi kubalulekile "zikhulule efeni elisindayo labesifazane lokulutheka elidluliselwa kumama liye endodakazini".
Sonke kufanele samukele esikuthole kubazali bethu: okuhle nokubi, okumnandi nokubabayo. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, abazali kufanele bamukele igebe phakathi kwalokho abantwana babo abayikho nalokho abangathanda ukuba yikho. Ukwenqaba, ukulwa, noma ukufuna izinto zehluke kuvame ukusenza buthaka kuyilapho ukwamukelwa kusiphulukisa.
Kuyisinyathelo esikhululayo esisivulela ukuphila futhi, kunokuba sibi nakakhulu isibopho, siyasiqinisa. Manje sisuka esimweni sengqondo esivuthiwe, esivumelana nezimo futhi sokubuyisana lapho wonke umuntu enendawo yokuchaza kabusha indima yakhe nalokho akulindele, ezizwa ekhululeke kakhudlwana kulobo buhlobo obuhle phakathi kwabazali nezingane.
Imithombo
Yamagata, B. et. Al. (2016) Amaphethini Okudlulisela Kwabesifazane Akhethekile Wesekethe Yomuntu Ye-Corticolimbic. I-Journal of Neuroscience; 36 (4): 1254-1260.
I-Champagne, i-FA et. U-Al. (2006) Ukunakekelwa komama okuhlobene ne-methylation yomgqugquzeli we-estrogen receptoralpha1b kanye nenkulumo ye-estrogen receptor-alpha endaweni ye-medial preoptic yenzalo yabesifazane. I-endocrinology; 147:2909-2915.
Umnyango Ubudlelwane bukamama nendodakazi, ukuthandana nokuthukuthela njalo yashicilelwa okokuqala ngo Ikhona lePsychology.
