Umbhangqwana ngamunye ungumhlaba ngokwawo, futhi uhlangabezana nezingxabano ngezikhathi ezithile. Lokhu akuyona into embi ngempela. Lapho amanyuvesi wabantu abadala ababili ehlangana, kuyinto ejwayelekile ukuthi kuvele ukungqubuzana nokungqubuzana. Ukwehluka kwemibono akugcini nje ngokungenakugwenywa, kepha futhi kunempilo ngoba kusho ukuthi isifo se-syciosis asenzekanga lapho ukukhanselwa komunye walaba ababili, noma bobabili, kukhanseliwe khona.
Imibhangqwana eqinile futhi ehlala njalo, empeleni, akubona labo abangenazo izingxabano, kepha yilabo abakwaziyo ukuzixazulula futhi baphume beqinisiwe. Kodwa-ke, lapho i izingxabano ezifihliwe zigcinwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi futhi izingxoxo ziba isinkwa semihla ngemihla, ubudlelwano buzophela ngokuguga ngakho-ke kungenzeka ukuthi buzogcina buhlukene.
Kungani imibhangqwana ilwa ngokujwayelekile?
Ucwaningo olwenziwe e-University of Michigan lubheke izizathu eziyinhloko zokulwa kwabashadikazi.
1. Ukwehla. Ukwehlisa isici kunzima kakhulu ukugaya. Lapho umuntu esibukela phansi futhi enza sengathi ungcono kunathi, singezwa ubuhlungu noma sihlaselwe. Ukwehlisa umoya kubi kakhulu ngoba kuxubana nokuzikhukhumeza nesihawu, sicabanga ukuthi asinalo ikhono lokuqonda, lokukhula noma lokushintsha. Lapho ukuthotshelwa kusungulwa ebudlelwaneni, kuyacasula futhi kususe ithuba lokuqonda.
2. Ukutholakala. Emphakathini lapho ubudlelwano buvame ukukhethwa khona, kulula ukweqa umugqa obomvu bese ungena kubumnini nomona. Uma umuntu ekholelwa ukuthi umlingani wakhe "uyimpahla yakhe" futhi afune ilungelo lokubeka imingcele futhi abeke izinto, kungenzeka ukuthi akhiqize ukusabela okukhulu ngokomzwelo kusuka kwelinye iqembu, impendulo ehlose ukuvikela inkululeko yomuntu siqu. Ngenxa yalesi sizathu ukuba nezinto nokuba nomona yizizathu zezimpikiswano eziphindaphindwayo emibhangqwaneni.
3. Ubudedengu. Ukunganakwa nokusetshenziswa kwesinye sezizathu ezivame kakhulu zokuxoxwa kwabashadikazi. Lapho kunokunganakwa ngokomzwelo, elinye lamalungu alo mbhangqwana lizizwa lilahliwe, ngakho lihamba naye, kodwa lizizwa lilodwa. Omunye umuntu akazinaki izidingo zakhe, ngokuqaphela noma ngokungazi, okuholela ekubeni akhononde ngokuthi ubudlelwane abuhlangabezani nezidingo zabo ezingokomzwelo.
4. Ukuhlukumeza. Ebudlelwaneni, ukuhlukunyezwa kungathatha imibala eyinkulungwane. Akukhona njalo ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba, lapho udlame ngamazwi futhi nokusebenza kwengqondo kuvame kakhulu futhi kungalimaza ngokweqile. Ukuthotshiswa, ukwedelelwa, ukuklabalasa noma ukusetshenziswa kokunganaki njengesijeziso kuyizimpawu zokuhlukunyezwa ezidala izinkinga kwabashadikazi.
5. Ukunganakwa. Impilo yansuku zonke ingabeka ubunzima emibhangqwaneni. Ukwahlukaniswa kwezibopho zansuku zonke nezibopho, imisebenzi yasendlini nokunakekelwa kwezingane kungezinye zezizathu ezenza imibhangqwana ixabane, ikakhulukazi lapho omunye wabantu ezwa ukuthi omunye akamsizi ngokwanele noma wenza ngokunganaki. Ezimweni eziningi, empeleni, inkinga akuyona nokusatshalaliswa okungalingani kwemisebenzi nezibopho, kepha ukungabi nokwaziswa komuntu othwala umthwalo omkhulu emahlombe akhe.
6. Ukungazinzi ngokomzwelo. Ukuba nomuntu ongazinzile ngokomzwelo eceleni kwakho, oguqula imizwa njalo akwenze uzizwe sengathi uhamba engilazini nsuku zonke, akugcini nje ngokuthusa kepha futhi kuyakhathaza. Kusuka ebudlelwaneni bezithandani sidinga ukuphepha, lapho sithola okuphambene nalokho, izidingo zethu azigculiseki futhi sigcina "siqhuma" nakancane ukubuyela emuva.
7. Ukuzicabangela wena wedwa. Abantu abazicabangela bona ngokweqile bavame ukuba nezinkinga ebudlelwaneni ngoba abavami ukubonisa uzwela. Lapho sinomuzwa wokuthi umuntu okufanele asisekele futhi asiqinisekise ngokomzwelo umane angayinaki imizwa yethu nokukhathazeka kwethu, aqhubeke nokusibeka ekukhohlakalweni, noma ngaso sonke isikhathi kunokuthile okubaluleke kakhulu okumele akwenze, kuyaqondakala ukuthi izingxabano ziyavela ezigcina ngezimpikiswano ezishubile.
Uma uhlaziya izizathu zokuthi kungani uphikisana nomlingani wakho, maningi amathuba okuthi uthole ukuthi ngokuvamile yizindikimba eziphindaphindayo. Yazi eyakho izimbangela ezingokomzwelo kuzokuvumela ukuthi usebenze kokuqukethwe kwengqondo okudala ukungqubuzana, ukuze unqobe lezo zingxabano futhi uqinise ubudlelwano bakho. Kubalulekile ukubhekana nalezi zinkinga ukuze zingagcini zibe yindlovu egumbini eliqhubeka nokukhula kuze kube yilapho ubuhlobo buphela unomphela.
umthombo:
IBuss, DM (1989) Ukungqubuzana phakathi kobulili: ukugxambukela kwamasu nokususa ulaka nokucasuka. J Pers Soc Psychol; 56 (5): 735-747.
Umnyango Kungani imibhangqwana ilwa? Izizathu eziyi-7 ezivame kakhulu zokungqubuzana yashicilelwa okokuqala ngo Ikhona lePsychology.
