Sonke sinombono. Kuwukuhlakanipha ukwazi ukuthi kufanele sikhulume nini nokuthi kufanele sithule nini. Eqinisweni, uma kukhulunywa ngezindaba zomuntu siqu njengobudlelwano, into enengqondo kakhulu ukuyenza ukuveza umbono wakho, ngaphandle kwalapho kuceliwe.
Ngeshwa, kunabantu abangagcini ngokunikeza umbono wabo, kepha bayagxambukela ebudlelwaneni, badale umonakalo. Laba bantu abakholelwa nje ukuthi banelungelo lokwahlulela ubudlelwano, kepha banganyundela noma bahlwanye ukungezwani ngokubhubhisa ubudlelwane.
Ziningi izindlela zokubandakanyeka ebudlelwaneni. Hhayi ngaso sonke isikhathi ngesimo sokuhlaselwa okuqondile kumuntu, amahlombe amaningi anobuthi aphonswa ngokuqhubekayo. Abantu bakaNosy, ngokwesibonelo, bangaveza zonke izidingo umlingani wethu angazanelisi ngokugcwele. Noma bangasitshela ukuthi sitshala imali eningi kakhulu kulobo buhlobo noma basikhumbuze ukuthi sifanelwe okuthile okungcono. Baqala impi yokulwa lapho inhloso kungukucekela phansi ubudlelwano ngokuhlasela inani labo.
Ukuthambekela kokonakalisa ubudlelwano phakathi kwabangane nomndeni
Iqembu lochwepheshe bezengqondo abavela emanyuvesi aseCalifornia nase-Azusa Pacific lihlaziye imininingwane yezengqondo yabantu abazama ukonakalisa ubudlelwano babanye. Laba bacwaningi bacele abantu abangu-1.206 XNUMX ukuthi bacabange ngomngani okwamanje obandakanyeka ebudlelwaneni bezothando angabuthandi noma angabamukeli. Ngemuva kwalokho bekufanele bakhombise ukuthi baphazamise kangaki ebudlelwaneni balezo zithandani futhi ekugcineni, bagcwalise uhlu lwemibuzo ngobuntu.
Kamuva, baqasha abanye abantu abangu-2.180 XNUMX futhi babacela ukuthi bakhethe ilungu lomndeni elisebudlelwaneni abangabuthandi. Ababambe iqhaza baphinde bakhombisa ukuthi baphazamise kangaki ebudlelwaneni futhi baqeda ukuhlolwa kobuntu.
Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zithole ukuthi abantu abanokuthambekela okukhulu kokugxambukela ebudlelwaneni babangane babo noma bomndeni babelane ngezici ezimbili ze "dark triad" yobuntu.
Uyini umthath 'emnyama?
Ngo-2002, izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo uDelroy Paulhus noKevin Williams bemba ezingqondweni zalabo abavame ukuzibiza ngokuthi "abantu ababi" futhi bathola izici eziningi ezivamile abazibiza ngokuthi "ubuntathu obumnyama." Lowo mongo omnyama wobuntu wenziwa yi-narcissism, psychopathy, neMachiavellianism.
Ngokuqondile, abantu abazama ukonakalisa ubudlelwano bezothando balabo ababazungezile babelana ngezici ezimbili: i-narcissism kanye ne-psychopathy.
Umuntu narcissist kubonakala ngobugovu kanye nesidingo esiqhubekayo sokuqashelwa nokubabazeka kwabanye. Bakholelwa ukuthi bakhethekile futhi badinga ukunakekelwa njalo, ngakho-ke bangazizwa benomona ngalowo "omunye" osusa uthando lomngane wabo noma welungu lomndeni.
Ngalesi sizathu, bavame ukukholelwa ukuthi banelungelo lokugxambukela ebudlelwaneni babantu abakha okwabo indingilizi yethemba: abangane abaseduze nomndeni. Ngomqondo othile, "Bazizwa benamandla okuthonya kabi ubudlelwano abangabuthandi", njengoba abacwaningi bechaza. Abantu baseNarcissistic bakholelwa ukuthi bayikho "Ukwazi okulungele abanye" futhi bazizwa benelungelo lokucekela phansi ubudlelwano obungabasibekela.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abantu abanezici ze-psychopathic babonakala ngokuba ndikindiki ngokomzwelo nokuntula uzwela. Lesi sici sibenza abakhohlisi par ubuhle bemizwa yabanye.
“Abantu abanokuthambekela kwengqondo bangakujabulela ukugxambukela kabi ebudlelwaneni bomngani noma bezihlobo ngoba balimaza umlingani wezothando abangamthandi. Umonakalo odalwe othandekayo umane ubhekwe njengomonakalo wesibambiso ", ngokusho kwabaphenyi.
Laba bantu futhi abanalo icala futhi benza ngokuxhamazela. Abanqikazi ukugwema amakhodi wokuziphatha noma wokuziphatha ukuze bafeze izinhloso zabo.
Kodwa-ke, kufanelekile ukucacisa ukuthi laba bantu abahlushwa ukuphazamiseka kobuntu, banezimpawu zobuntu ezikhulisiwe kuphela. Ngamanye amagama, bangaba nokuthambekela okuphawuleka kakhulu kwe-narcissistic noma psychopathic kunabanye, kepha ngaphandle kokuwela ku-psychopathology.
Ungasabela kanjani kubantu abagxambukela ebudlelwaneni?
Ubudlelwano buxhomeke kini nobabili. Uma kusuka ngaphandle siqaphela ukuthi umuntu ungena kakhulu ekusondeleni, kubalulekile ukusabela ngokushesha, kepha ngokuqapha.
Okokuqala, sidinga ukuzibuza ukuthi umbono wabo uvumelekile yini. Ekugcineni, ukuzibandakanya ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni kungasivimbela ekuboneni izindlela ezithile ezinobuthi ezingasilimaza. Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukucabanga ngobuqiniso obungenzeka bokuphawula kwabo.
Kepha uma sicabanga ukuthi inhloso yalowo muntu ukonakalisa ubudlelwano obulinganiselayo, obunempilo, futhi obenelisayo, kubalulekile ukukuqeda ngaphambi kwesikhathi. Kuhle ukungakhulumi, ungabi nolaka, kepha uqaphele ukuthi ungashiyi indawo yokuchazwa noma yokugxambukela esikhathini esizayo.
Imithombo
UCollisson, B. et. Al. (2021) Ukungenela kwabangane nomndeni: Izici ezimnyama zeTetrad zibikezela ukuphazamiseka ebudlelwaneni bezithandani ezingathandanga. Journal of Social and Personal nebudlelwane; 38 (7): 2008-2028.
UPaulhus, D. & Williams, KM (2002) Ubumnyama obunobuntu: I-Narcissism, Machiavellianism, ne-Psychopathy. Ijenali Yokucwaninga Ebuntwini; 36 (6): 556-563.
Umnyango Iphrofayili yengqondo yabantu abagxambukela ebudlelwaneni babanye yashicilelwa okokuqala ngo Ikhona lePsychology.
