Sonke sazizwa singalondekile ngesikhathi esithile empilweni yethu. Mhlawumbe uzizwe ungalondekile izikhathi ezingaphezu kwesisodwa. Mhlawumbe uzizwe ungavikelekile okokuqala lapho uhamba ngemuva kwesondo lemoto, lapho ubhala isivivinyo ngaphandle kokufunda ngokwanele, noma ngaphambi kokwenza isinqumo esikhulu empilweni.
Ukungazethembi kungumuzwa osixwayisa ngokuthi singawenza amaphutha. Lapho sinokungabaza ngendlela okufanele siyilandele, singaba nezinga elithile lokungazethembi. Lokhu kungavikeleki kuvame ukuhambisana nomuzwa wokungakhululeki kanye nokungezwani okungafinyelela izilinganiso ezinkulu.
Uma singakwazi ukubhekana nomuzwa wokungazethembi, kuzoqhubeka nokukhula ngaphakathi kwethu, kusikhubaze ngokwengeziwe. Abantu abaningi baqhubeka nezinhlobo ezithile zokungavikeleki iminyaka, okubavumela ukuthi banqume izinqumo zabo, banciphise amandla abo, futhi babakhungathekise ngokukhathazeka, umuzwa wecala nosizi.
Izinhlobo ezi-5 ezivame kakhulu zokungazethembi
Ukungazethembi yinto yomuntu uqobo, ngakho-ke kunezinhlobo eziningi zokungavikeleki njengoba kukhona abantu. Ukungavikeleki kungavela emithonjeni ehlukene futhi kusakazekele ezindaweni eziningi zokuphila kwethu noma kukugcwale ngokuphelele. Kepha kunezinhlobo ezithile ezijwayelekile zokungavikeleki komuntu siqu okuba yisisekelo lapho kuvela khona konke okunye ukungabaza, izingxabano nokungaqiniseki.
1. Ukungazethembi ebudlelwaneni phakathi kwabantu
Lolu hlobo lokungazethembi luvela ekwesabeni ukuthi abanye bazosilimaza noma basidumaze, ngakho-ke asiziyekeli siye ngokuphelele ebudlelwaneni, kepha sigcina ibanga elithile ngokomzwelo. Lelo banga lisebenza njengesihlangu esisigcina "siphephile", kepha sigcina nabanye beqhelelene.
Abantu abangazethembi ebudlelwaneni babo abazimisele ukukhombisa ubuthakathaka babo futhi ababethembi ngokuphelele abanye. Ngenxa yalokho, bathambekele ekwakhekeni kobudlelwano obungaphezulu kokunye lapho bengavumeli khona omunye - kungaba ngumlingani, umngani osondelene naye, noma nezingane noma abazali - ukuba basondele ngokwanele ukuze kube nokuxhumana okusondelene phakathi kwemiphefumulo emibili.
Ukungavikeleki ebudlelwaneni phakathi kwabantu kuvela ekunamathisweni okugwema. Umuntu unenkinga yokuveza imizwa yakhe futhi wesaba ukusondelana, ngakho-ke lapho bezwa ukuthi omunye usondela kakhulu, bayahamba. Lokhu kungavikeleki nokungathembi kugcina kudala ukungavikeleki nokungathembi nakokunye, kuvimbela ukwakhiwa kwesisekelo esiqinile sobudlelwano ukuthela izithelo.
2. Ukungazethembi emphakathini
Umuntu ohlangabezana nalolu hlobo lokungazethembi akanankinga ngokuhlobene nalabo abayingxenye yabo indingilizi yethemba, kepha kuvame ukugwema izimo zomphakathi. Uzizwa engakhululekile neze emaqenjini amakhulu noma lapho kufanele ahlanganyele nomuntu angamazi.
Ukungazethembi kwezenhlalo kuvame ukubangelwa ukungazethembi emakhono ethu okwenza kahle noma ukuba nezinga elithile lempumelelo ezindaweni zomphakathi. Ngezansi idla ngokwesaba ukugxekwa nokwenqatshwa emphakathini. Lapho sikhathazeka kakhulu ngokuthi abanye bacabangani ngathi, sizizwa sikhathazekile futhi singazethembi futhi asazi ukuthi kufanele siziphathe kanjani.
Umuntu ophethwe yilolu hlobo lokungazethembi uvikela izimo zomphakathi ngoba lezi zimo zidala ukungezwani okukhulu futhi ziyakuvimbela. Uyesaba ukwenza iphutha, ukuzenza isilima, ukungazi ukuthi uzothini noma ukudlulisa isithombe esingalungile noma esingalungile. Ngenxa yalokhu, ugcina ngokubeka umkhawulo empilweni yakhe yezenhlalo futhi alahlekelwe ngamathuba ukuze nje agweme ukuvezwa ngumphakathi.
3. Ukungazethembi komzimba
Ukubukeka komzimba, noma ngabe siyathanda noma cha, kuyingxenye yekhadi lethu lebhizinisi. Umzimba nobuso bethu bengeza noma bususa amaphuzu kumbono wokuqala esiwenzayo kwabanye. Ngaphezu kwalokho, emphakathini ofana nowethu, othanda ukubukeka komzimba kanye nemibono ethile yobuhle, isici somuntu siqu sithatha indawo yokuqala.
Ngakho-ke lapho abantu bengakhululekile ngomzimba wabo, bangathola ukungavikeleki okukhulu okufinyelela kuzo zonke izingxenye zempilo. Ukungavikeleki komzimba kuqhamuka ekungazizwa ukhululekile esikhunjeni sakho, ekulahlweni izingxenye zomzimba wethu esingazithandi.
Ngemuva kwakho konke, abantu abahlangabezana nalolu hlobo lokungazethembi abanombono olinganiselayo ngezimo zabo zomzimba, kepha bathambekele ekugxileni kuleyo ngxenye yomzimba abangayithandi nokukhulisa ukubaluleka kwayo. Bakholelwa ukuthi abanye babahlulela ngokuya ngomfanekiso wabo, ngakho-ke bagcina sebengabahluleli babo ababi kakhulu.
4. Ukungavikeleki emsebenzini
Kwezinye izimo, ukungavikeleki kugxila emsebenzini. Njengoba sichitha isikhathi sethu esiningi sisebenza, lolu hlobo lokungazethembi lungaba lusizi, luthinte leyo ngxenye "yami" ekhomba umsebenzi.
Uma umuntu ezwa ukuthi akanalo ulwazi noma amakhono okwenza umsebenzi wakhe ngempumelelo, angazizwa engaphephile kakhulu. Ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu, angazizwa njengomkhohlisi; ngamanye amazwi, ukungazethembi kumholela ekucabangeni ukuthi akakufanelekeli ukwenza lo msebenzi.
Ingqikithi yayo, ukungavikeleki kwezobuchwepheshe kubandakanya ukufaka imibuzo ubuhlakani bethu namakhono ethu, kanye nokwesaba okufihliwe kokugxekwa nokungavunyelwa yilabo bantu esibabona njengabahlakaniphe kakhulu noma abanekhono. Empeleni, ucwaningo olwenziwe e-University of Hong Kong lwembula ukuthi ukungavikeleki kwemisebenzi akuhlobene kakhulu nokusebenza komsebenzi, okusho ukuthi singaba nezinga elanele noma elifanele lokusebenza kodwa sizizwe singavikelekile kakhulu. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi ukungavikeleki, lapho sekutholakele, kuyamelana nobufakazi obuphikisana nalokho.
5. Ukungazethembi komuntu siqu
Kuzo zonke izinhlobo zokungavikeleki, ukungazethembi komuntu uqobo kuyisicashile futhi kunzima ukukuqeda ngoba akuhlangene nezimo ezithile njengokungazethembi kwezenhlalo noma kwezobungcweti, kepha kusabalala njengomlilo wequbula kuyo yonke imikhakha yempilo.
Kuwukungavikeleki okujule kakhulu, okuvame ukwenziwa ebuntwaneni noma ebusheni, okubandakanya ukwesaba lokho abanye abakucabangayo ngathi, ukungaphili ngokuvumelana nokudumazeka okulindelwe abanye. Kuvame ukondla ukuzethemba okuphansi nokungazethembi.
Esikhungweni sayo kukhona ukuxhumeka okujulile ne- "I" yethu. Ukungavikeleki komuntu siqu kungukubonakaliswa kwezingxabano zangaphakathi ezingaxazululiwe, zika- "Mina" ongazi ukuthi ufunani futhi angalinge anqume ohlangothini olulodwa noma kolunye. Ngenxa yalokhu, umuntu obhekene nalolu hlobo lokungazethembi angachitha isikhathi esiningi sempilo yakhe ekhubazekile, enze izinqumo kuphela lapho izimo zibaphoqa.
Ungabhekana kanjani nezinhlobo ezahlukahlukene zokungazethembi?
Ucwaningo olwenziwe e- UBrigham Young University bathole ukuthi abantu abanegunya, labo abafuna ukulawula yonke into, babhekana nezinga eliphakeme lokungazethembi. Eqinisweni, ekujuleni kwenhliziyo, izinhlobo ezahlukahlukene zokungavikeleki zifihla ukwesaba okujulile kokungaqiniseki, kwalokho okungaphezu kwamandla ethu nemiphumela yako. Kungakho ukungavikeleki kulwelwa ngokwenza indawo yokungaqiniseki.
• Gxila kokungazethembi. Kungabonakala njengokuphikisana ngokwemibandela, kepha njengoba ungeke ubalekele kuwe, awukwazi ukuphunyuka kokungazethembi kwakho. Ukubaphika kuzobenza bakhule baphume kuzo zonke izilinganiso. Kunalokho, bona ukuthi uzizwa kanjani lapho ukungazethembi kukuhlasela. Musa ukunaka imicabango yakho, kuphela imizwa nemizwelo ohlangabezana nayo. Gxila kulolo lwazi ngelukuluku, kube sengathi uyingane ekuzwa okokuqala ngqa. Ungazami ukulwa nayo, ungahluleli noma ukhononde, yiphile njengoba iziveza yona.
• Cindezela isifiso sokwenza okuthile. Noma ngabe yiluphi uhlobo lokungazethembi oluzwayo, ukungakhululeki okudala kungenzeka kube kukhulu kangako futhi kukushukumisele esenzweni. Ungenzi ngokuzivumela uqondiswe yilowo muzwa wokungazethembi. Ungavumeli ukungazethembi kuthathe indawo yakho. Hlala uzolile futhi unake umfutho wakho wokuqala. Ufuna ukwenzani? Kungaba ukuhlehlisa isinqumo, ukubalekela indawo, ukudela okuthile… Ungakwenzi! Hlala ungavikelekile isikhashana. Ngaphandle kokulingisa.
• Phumula ukungazethembi. Kungabonakala kungenakwenzeka, kepha akunjalo. Izikhali zokungavikeleki, eziqhubeka nazo futhi zikuphoqe ukuba wenze okuthile, zingukuxinana kwangaphakathi nokukhathazeka. Ngakho-ke, kufanele ufunde ukumelana naleyo mizwa ngokunethezeka. Ungafunda i- phefumula nge-diaphragm ukuzizwa ukhululekile ngaleyo mizwa, uze ubone ukuthi ngeke ikulimaze nokuthi abanamandla ngaphezu kwakho kunokuba ubanike yona.
• Zigcwalise ngokubonga. Ukungavikeleki akunakulwelwa ngokuphepha. Ezokuphepha ziyiphupho. Impilo ukungavikeleki, ukungaqageli nokungaqiniseki. Futhi lokho kulungile! Ngakho-ke, njengoba usulolo lwandle lokungazethembi, uzama ukukhululeka, funa umuzwa wokubonga ngaphakathi kuwe. Yizwa nokubonga ngokungazethembi lokho, ngoba kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi uyaphila, uyacabanga futhi uzwile.
Ngale ndlela uzothola ibhalansi oyidingayo ukuze uye phambili. Ngeke ususe ukungazethembi. Akunasidingo. Kepha lokhu kuzoyeka ukukukhathaza noma kukukhubaze. Njengoba kuchaza i-yogi Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev “Uma uzizwa ungavikelekile uzama ukugwema impilo, futhi lokhu kudala usizi olukhulu. Kepha kule mpilo sidlula kuyo nje. Akukho esizolahlekelwa yikho ngoba sifika singenalutho sihambe singenalutho. Sithatha isinqumo sokuthi sifuna ukuyiphila ngakho konke ukungavikeleki kwayo noma sivumele ukuthi sikhubazeke ”.
Imithombo
Omkhulu, HL et. I-Al. (2008) Ngubani Ohlupheka Kakhulu Ekungaphepheni Komsebenzi? Ukubuyekezwa kwe-Meta-Analytic. I-Psychology esetshenzisiwe; 57 (2): 272-303.
Larsen, KS & Schwendiman, G. (1969) Authoritarianism, Ukuzithemba Nokungazethembi. Imibiko ngokwengqondo; 25 (1): 229-230.
Umnyango Izinhlobo ezi-5 ezikhubaza kakhulu zokungazethembi empilweni yashicilelwa okokuqala ngo Ikhona lePsychology.
