"Ukuba bekungenjalo, yonke into ngeyingcono". "Ndizincama kakhulu kwaye yindlela andibuyisela ngayo". "Iyandicaphukisa xa esenza njalo." Uluhlu lwezikhalazo malunga nezimo zengqondo zabanye alupheli. Ngubani owaziyo?
Xa abantu bengaziphathi ngokwezinto ozilindeleyo, kuyadandathekisa. Ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo kuyacaphukisa ukungaboni into obenzela yona okanye abangayiphindisi ngendlela efanayo. Kodwa ukukhalaza malunga nesimo sengqondo sabanye, kuyo yonke into ekufuneka bayenzile kodwa bangayenzi okanye yonke into abayenzayo nabangafanele bayenza, yeyona ndlela iqinisekileyo yokuwela kukungoneliseki okusisigxina.
Inyaniso kukuba, sonke sinezinto esinokuphucula kuzo kubuntu bethu. Sonke sinokuba novelwano, ukuqonda, ukunceda, ukuba nobuhlobo, ukusebenzisana, okanye ukukhathalela. Nangona kunjalo, sinokutshintsha kuphela. Asinakho ukutshintsha abanye. Kwaye ngokukhawuleza ukuba siyiqonde, ngcono.
"Abavangeli" abanomkhethe
Sithanda ukucinga ukuba abanye baziphatha njengathi, yonke into iyakulunga. Ngokuqinisekileyo le yimpazamo. Umhlaba ufuna iyantlukwano. Yonke into ibhalansi yezinto ezichaseneyo. Kwaye oku kuthetha ukuba kukho indawo yayo yonke into kunye nawo wonke umntu. Kwinto esiyithandayo nesingayithandiyo. Yintoni esenza sonwabe kwaye yintoni esenza sibe lusizi.
Ewe kunjalo, ukucinga ukuba abanye kufuneka baziphathe njengathi kusekwe kwinkolelo yokuba kuphela izigqibo zethu, izimo zengqondo kunye neenqobo ezisemgangathweni ezakhayo, ezincomekayo nezifanele ukuxeliswa. Ngokunjalo abanye benza iimpazamo kwaye kufuneka batshintshe. Yiyo loo nto ke sizibeka emngciphekweni wokuba "ngabashumayeli bevangeli" "abashumayela kakuhle kodwa abarhabaxa". Asiqondi ukuba ngale ndlela siyazigweba ukusilela kwangaphambili kuba asinakho ukutshintsha abanye ukuba abazinikeli kutshintsho.
Umzekelo, abazali banokubafundisa abantwana babo ngokudlulisela imilinganiselo ethile yokuziphatha kubo, kodwa oku akuthethi ukuba banokubamisela ngokomfanekiselo nangokufana nabo, kungasathethwa ke ukuba banjalo. Umntu ngamnye uzimele kwaye kufuneka enze izigqibo zakhe ngokuzimeleyo.
Oku akuthethi ukuba kufanele ukuba sibandezeleke kubudlelwane obunobungozi okanye kufuneka samkele ukugxekwa okwenzakalisayo, ukuthukwa okanye ukuthotywa kwabanye. Iingxaki kunye neempikiswano zivela kubo bonke ubudlelwane ekufuneka buqwalaselwe kwaye bulungiswe ukuququzelela ukuhlalisana.
Akunyanzelekanga ukuba siyifihle into esiyicingayo okanye singazihoyi izinto ezibalulekileyo kuthi. Asingombuzo wokwamkela ukuxhatshazwa, kodwa ukuqonda ukuba umbono wethu kunye nendlela yethu ayizizo zodwa ezinokwenzeka. Ke ngoko, akufuneki sitshintshe abanye, kufuneka sitshintshe nje uhlobo lobudlelwane esinalo nabo.
Umahluko awukho kwisigama nje kuphela, kodwa uthetha ukwabiwa okutsha koxanduva kunye "netyala" kuba oko kuthetha ukuba enye ayinayo into embi okanye embi, kodwa iindlela ezithile zokuziphatha kunye nezimo zengqondo azihambelani nathi kunye nohlobo lobudlelwane esifuna ukuyigcina.
Ukuba asinakho ukutshintsha abanye, yintoni esinokuyenza?
Zama ukuqonda indlela yokuziphatha yabantu abasingqongileyo, ngakumbi abo bayinxalenye yethu izangqa zokuthembana, iya kuba luncedo ngakumbi ekuhambeni kwexesha kunokukhalaza. Ukwenza oku, kufuneka siyeke ukuzama ukutshintsha abanye bacinge ukuba sinenyaniso kwaye sazi indlela elungileyo. Sinako endaweni yoko:
1. Khangela ukuba yintoni ezibangele. Sonke sinokubangela okanye izinto ezibangela iimvakalelo. La ngamaqhosha abomvu okuthi, xa ucinezelwe, asenze siphendule ngokubonakalayo. Abantu esidibana nabo banazo ezi zinto zibangela. Ukuziqonda ukuba ziyintoni na kuya kusinceda siphucule ubudlelwane. Umzekelo, mhlawumbi umntu unezihloko ezibuthathaka ekungangcono ukuba angazichukumisi okanye angaziphathi kakubi xa ephantsi koxinzelelo. Imalunga nokuchonga ukuba zeziphi izinto angenakuzithwala ukuze azame ukuziphepha.
2. Ukomeleza izizathu zethu. Ubudlelwane buhlala ngumbuzo wesibini. Ke ngoko, asinakho ukujonga nje, sigxeke enye, kufuneka sijongise ingqalelo yethu kuthi. Kutheni le nto isimo sengqondo okanye isimilo esithile sikucaphukisa? Logama ingenguye umntu osihlukumezayo, okulindelweyo, iminqweno yethu kunye namava ethu nawo abumba umfanekiso esinawo waloo mntu. Ke ngoko, kufanelekile ukubuza: kutheni indikhathaza nje? Ngaba yayinyanisile okanye ndiyithathe ngokungathí sina? Sinokubhaqa ukuba siyazibaxa okanye konke oko kungenxa yokuba bengakhange bahlangabezane nolindelo lwethu.
3. Gxila kwinto esiyifunayo kubudlelwane. Asinakho ukutshintsha izimo zengqondo zabanye, kodwa singabutshintsha ubudlelwane esiba nabo. Oko kuthetha ukuba kufuneka siyeke ukugxila kuyo yonke into ekuthiwa ayenziwa gwenxa ukuze sigxile kokungasebenziyo kubudlelwane. Endaweni yokugxeka loo mntu ngayo nayiphi na into engasebenziyo, sigxila kwinto esicinga ukuba ayonelisi kubudlelwane kwaye siyazibuza ukuba singayiphucula njani sobabini.
Okokugqibela, kufuneka sikhumbule ukuba amaxesha amaninzi abantu abasenzakalisi ngabom. Wonke umntu uthwele owakhe umthwalo, amaxhala, uloyiko, ukungazithembi kunye neengxaki. Sonke siyazenza iimpazamo. Asinakho ukutshintsha izimo zengqondo zabanye, izimvo zabo okanye nefuthe ekuziphatheni kwabo ukuze baziqhelanise neemfuno zethu okanye indlela yethu yokubona umhlaba. Ukunyamezelana kunye nokuguquguquka zizitshixo zokugcina ubudlelwane obonelisayo kunye nokukhusela ukulungelelana kwengqondo.
Umnyango Kutheni le nto singenakho-kwaye singafanelekanga-ukutshintsha izimvo zabanye? yaqala ukupapashwa ngo Ikhonkco lePsychology.
