Ubwenzi wapakati pa amayi ndi ana ndi umodzi wamphamvu kwambiri umene ulipo. Komabe, pakapita nthawi, ubalewu umadutsa m'magawo osiyanasiyana, kotero ngati sunasinthidwe mokwanira ndikuyendetsedwa bwino, ndi mlingo wabwino wosinthika womwe umalola kuti maudindo apangidwenso, amatha kupanga mikangano yambiri yomwe imatha kupanga mtunda wamalingaliro.
Zomwe zimatipanga kukhala ofanana zimatilekanitsanso
Mu 2016, ofufuza ochokera ku yunivesite ya California ndi a Sukulu ya Stanford iwo anapeza kuti unansi wa mayi ndi mwana wamkazi unali ndi mikhalidwe yosiyana imene sinawonekere m’mabanja ena.
Ndendende, iwo adawona kuti imvi nkhani voliyumu anali ofanana kwambiri kwa amayi ndi ana aakazi m'madera ena okhudzana ndi maganizo, komanso morphology ya "maganizo ubongo". Pochita, i Mayendedwe athu amalingaliro amafanana kwambiri ndi a amayi athu.
Koma kufanana kumeneko sikutsimikiziranso kugwirizanitsa ndi kusungunuka mu ubale. Kapena osati nthawi zonse. M'malo mwake, kufanana kumeneku kungakhale chifukwa chomwe ubale wapakati pa amayi ndi ana aakazi ndi chimodzi mwazovuta kwambiri, zovuta komanso zosavuta kuziwongolera. Sizodabwitsa kuti akuluakulu ambiri amatha kuthetsa mikangano ndi ena motsimikiza, koma alibe zida zamaganizo kuti athe kuthana ndi kusagwirizana ndi amayi awo.
Ubale pakati pa mayi ndi mwana wamkazi nthawi zambiri umakhala wokhazikika pa kusamvana; ndiko kuti, umaphatikiza zosowa ndi malingaliro otsutsana popeza umadziwika ndi kulimbikira kwamalingaliro komwe mgwirizano ndi kulumikizana zimawonekera mogwirizana ndi kufunikira kwa mtunda ndi kudziyimira pawokha. Zotsatira zake, kusagwirizana kumafika pofala.
Zomwe zikuyembekezeredwa, udindo wa ana aakazi
Chimodzi mwa makiyi a mkangano pakati pa mayi ndi mwana wamkazi chagona ndendende mu kufanana kwamalingaliro kumeneko. Nthawi zina timayika mithunzi yathu kwa ena. Kudzera mu izi njira zodzitetezera timatengera maganizo a munthu wina, zilakolako, zilakolako kapena zikhulupiriro zomwe sitizizindikira kuti ndi zathu, chifukwa kuzivomereza kungasinthe maonekedwe omwe tili nawo.
Pamene tiwona zomwe zili mkatizi zikusonyezedwa mu khalidwe la amayi athu, mwachitsanzo, timachita. Zimenezo sizomveka, koma zimachokera kukuya kwa chidziwitso chathu. Chotsatira chake, tikhoza kukhala osamasuka kapena okwiya ndi kumunyoza chifukwa cha makhalidwe, malingaliro kapena malingaliro omwe ali athunso, koma sitifuna kuwavomereza.
Pamenepa, amayi athu akhoza kukhala ngati galasi, kutipatsa chithunzi chomwe sitikufuna kudzizindikira tokha. Izi zimabweretsa kukana kwakukulu, komwe sikuli kwa munthu winayo, koma kumalingaliro amalingaliro omwe sitikonda.
Kutengeranso ubale wa ukhanda, udindo wa amayi
Kuvuta kwa ubale wa mayi ndi mwana wamkazi kumadutsa njira za chiwonetsero. Nthawi zambiri kukambitsirana, mikangano ndi kusagwirizana kumabuka chifukwa chakuti amayi amapitirizabe kuchita zinthu zofanana ndi zimene ankachitira ana awo akali aang’ono.
Chiyanjano chimenecho nthawi zina chimadutsa mwachitonzo kapena kukakamiza. Zotsatira zake n’zakuti ana amapanduka, ngati mmene ankachitira ali achinyamata. Mfundo yakuti akuluakulu omwe ali ndi moyo wopambana amatha kukhala ndi maubwenzi abwino pakati pa anthu amatha kuganiza kuti amayi awo amawakwiyitsa makamaka chifukwa chakuti adabwerera mmbuyo kupita ku gawo lina lachisinthiko.
Makhalidwe a amayi amatha kukhala ngati chiwopsezo chamalingaliro chomwe chimatifikitsa kumagawo oyambilira akukula kwathu, pazaka zomwe sitinakhale otsimikiza komanso otsimikiza monga momwe tilili tsopano chifukwa tinalibe luso lotha kulankhulana ndi kuthetsa mikangano. Ndiko kutsika kwenikweni komwe kumabweretsa kukambirana mobwerezabwereza, mozungulira, pamitu yosiyana, koma kubwereza machitidwe omwewo ndi mayankho omwewo akale.
Mikangano yosathetsedwa, udindo wa onse awiri
Nthawi zambiri mikangano ndi kusagwirizana pakati pa amayi ndi ana aakazi sizichokera masiku ano koma kuyambira kale. mikangano yobisika. Pamene mavuto ena sanathe kuthetsedwa mu mbiri ya zopinga, amakoka ndi kuyambitsanso nthawi ndi nthawi, nthawi iliyonse mikhalidwe ina imabwerezedwa.
Mwachitsanzo, m’mikhalidwe imene mwana wamkazi anakakamizika kukhala mayi kapena kunyalanyazidwa muubwana wake, “zodzinenera” zimayambika. Mwanjira ina, munthu amayamba kutengera zomwe sanalandire ngati mwana wamkazi kudzera m'chitonzo.
Mofananamo, ngati mayi anayenera kusiya maloto ake kuti ayang'ane ndi kulera mwana, n'zokayikitsa kuti adzafunika chisamaliro ndi chisamaliro m'tsogolomu. Mayi ameneyo angapitirize kukhumudwitsa ana ake akuluakulu. Angakhale ndi ziyembekezo zazikulu za “nsembe” yake ndipo ngati ana ake sakuipeza, angakhumudwe ndi kuitsutsa.
Pangani ubale watsopano wa mayi ndi mwana wamkazi
Ubale wapakati pa mayi ndi mwana sukuyenera kukhala wokhazikika, koma uyenera kusinthidwa kuti ugwirizane ndi magawo osiyanasiyana a moyo komanso kusintha kwa zosowa za aliyense. M’pofunika kusinkhasinkha za ubale umenewo ndi kumvetsa mmene umakhudzira moyo wathu.
Kukumana ndi zenizeni za ubale kungakhale kovuta, koma osafunikira. Ubwenzi sungakhale zonse zomwe mayi kapena mwana wamkazi amayembekezera kapena kulakalaka, motero kusintha ziyembekezo ndikofunikira.
Ndipotu, mikangano imayamba pamene mmodzi kapena winayo sakukwaniritsa zomwe akuyembekezera. Pamenepa, ndi bwino kuyandikira ubalewo monga momwe tingachitire ndi munthu wina aliyense wamkulu, zomwe zikutanthauza kuvomereza mwachisawawa "zoperewera" kapena njira ya munthu winayo. Ndi za kuvomereza ena momwe alili, osayembekezera kuti akhale angwiro kapena agwirizane ndi chitsanzo chathu. Izi zimatipulumutsa kuti tisamachite zinthu mwa ife tokha ndipo zingalimbikitse kwambiri ubale.
Inde, m'pofunikanso kuti aliyense athe kuthana ndi "zopanda pake zamaganizo". Christiane Northrup adanena izi "Cholowa chabwino kwambiri cha mayi ndi kuchiritsidwa ngati mkazi." Koma analemberanso ana ake aakazi kuti n’kofunika "dzimasuleni nokha ku cholowa cholemera chachikazi cha chizolowezi choperekedwa kuchokera kwa mayi kupita kwa mwana wamkazi".
Tonsefe tiyenera kuvomereza zimene talandira kwa makolo athu: zabwino ndi zoipa, zokoma ndi zowawa. Pa nthawi imodzimodziyo, makolo ayenera kuvomereza kusiyana pakati pa zomwe ana awo ali ndi zomwe angafune kuti iwo akhale. Kukanidwa, kumenyana, kapena kufuna kuti zinthu zikhale zosiyana kumatifooketsa pamene kuvomereza kumatichiritsa.
Ndi njira yomasula yomwe imatitsegulira ku moyo ndipo, kutali ndi kuipitsitsa kwa mgwirizano, kumalimbitsa. Tsopano kuchokera kumalingaliro okhwima, osinthika ndi oyanjanitsa pomwe aliyense ali ndi mwayi wofotokozeranso maudindo ndi ziyembekezo zake, kukhala omasuka mu ubale wodabwitsa umenewo pakati pa makolo ndi ana.
Malire:
Yamagata, B. et. Al. (2016) Njira Zopatsirana Zachikazi Zosiyanasiyana za Human Corticolimbic Circuitry. The Journal of Neuroscience; 36 (4): 1254-1260.
Champagne, FA et. Al. (2006) Chisamaliro cha amayi chogwirizana ndi methylation ya estrogen receptoralpha1b yolimbikitsa ndi estrogen receptor-alpha expression in the medial preoptic area of the female generation. Endocrinology; 147:2909-2915.
Pakhomo Ubale wa amayi ndi mwana wamkazi, kukondana wina ndi mzake ndi kukwiya kosalekeza idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.
