Kulankhula mwachipongwe muubwenzi sikungochitika mwangozi. Kaŵirikaŵiri umakhala mkhalidwe wovuta, wochenjera kotero kuti nthaŵi zina wozunzidwayo amadabwa ngati sakukokomeza ndipo ngakhale kudziimba mlandu.
Choyipa kwambiri ndichakuti chiwawa chamawu mwaukwati chimachitika mwachinsinsi, kotero ndizovuta kuzizindikira. M’chenicheni, kaŵirikaŵiri anthu amalingalira nkhanzazo m’maganizo mwawo ndipo samazindikira kuti ndi njira yosayenera yolankhulirana. Komabe, zimenezo sizimakupangitsa kukhala wosapweteka kwenikweni kapena kuchepetsa kuwononga kumene kumadzetsa kudzidalira kwa wodwala.
Theka la anthu azunzidwa mwamawu m'banjali: chifukwa chiyani?
Nkhanzayo si yakuthupi chabe. Zoonadi, alipo ambiri mitundu ya ziwawa ndi chiwawa chamawu ndi mmodzi wa iwo. Mawu amapweteka kwambiri ngati chida. Ndipotu, phunziro linachitidwa pa University of Western Reserve adawulula kuti kuzunzidwa m'malingaliro m'maubwenzi kumatha kukhala kovulaza monga kuzunza thupi, chifukwa zonse zimabweretsa kudzikayikira ndikuyambitsa mavuto amalingaliro monga kupsinjika maganizo.
Tsoka ilo, kutukwana m'maubwenzi ndikofala kwambiri kuposa momwe munthu angaganizire. Kafukufuku wina amene anachitika ku United States anasonyeza kuti 47,1 peresenti ya akazi ndi amuna 47,3 pa XNUMX alionse amanena kuti anachitiridwa nkhanza komanso kuchitiridwa nkhanza ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo.
Nkhanza zapakamwa paubwenzi ndizofala chifukwa cha momwe ubalewo ulili. Mukakhala ndi munthu m'modzi kwa nthawi yayitali, amatha kukhalambuzi komwe mungatulutsire zokhumudwitsa zanu.
Ngakhale kukhulupirirana kumasemphana naye chifukwa kumathetsa zopinga zomwe timakhala nazo mu ubale ndi ena. Izi zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zosavuta kufotokoza malingaliro oipa m'njira yopupuluma, yomwe imatha kusanduka chipongwe chenicheni.
Kaŵirikaŵiri mawu achipongwe mwa okwatiranawo amakhazikitsidwa mwapang’onopang’ono, monga njira yolankhulirana, kotero kuti nthaŵi zina wozunzidwayo samadziŵa nkomwe. Ichi ndichifukwa chake ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa mitundu yosiyanasiyana yomwe mawu achipongwe amatengera, kuti angowafooketsa atangoyamba kumene.
Mitundu yofala kwambiri ya nkhanza zamawu mbanja
1. Kunyoza ndi kunyozetsa wokondedwa wanu
Ubale wa banja uyenera kukhala gwero la chikhulupiliro ndi chithandizo kwa onse awiri. Tsoka ilo, sizili choncho nthawi zonse. Pamene mmodzi wa anthu ayesa kuumiriza malingaliro ake mwa kupeza malo aulamuliro, mwachiwonekere iye angayese kunyozetsa ndi kuchititsa manyazi mnzakeyo.
Ogwiritsa nkhanza atha kukupangitsani kuti muzidzimva kukhala woipa kudzera m'mawu ngati “ndinu wopanda pake”, “mumandichititsa manyazi” o "Ndiwe wachabechabe". Mawu amtunduwu, omwe amabwerezedwa m'kupita kwa nthawi, amaika maganizo pa kudzidalira kwa wozunzidwayo, kuwapangitsa kuganiza kuti sangafune chilichonse chabwino, motero amawathandiza kuti asamangidwe muubwenzi woipawo.
2. Kudzudzula kowononga
Zotsutsa ndizofunikira pakukula monga momwe zimasonyezera zolakwa zathu, koma zikachuluka ndikuchitidwa mosayenera, zimatha kukhala zowononga. Muubwenzi wa banjali, ngati munthu mmodzi ali wotsutsa kwambiri, akhoza kuchita nkhanza zamaganizo kwa winayo.
Kutsutsidwa kowononga kumapita kutali kwambiri ndi kuwona mtima, chifukwa cholinga chake sikukweza winayo, koma kumupangitsa kukhala wogonjera, kumakhudza chithunzi chomwe ali nacho cha iye mwini. Mawu ngati "Nthawi zonse umawononga chilichonse" o "ndiwe tsoka" sathandiza kuthetsa kalikonse ndipo zimachititsa kuti munthu ataya mtima.
3. Zinenezo zopitilila ndi zosatsimikizirika
Kukambitsirana kosalekeza si njira yokhayo yolankhulirana mwamawu muubwenzi, komanso ndi njira yolankhulirana. Nthawi zambiri amayamba chifukwa cha nsanje yoopsa, monga ngati mnzanuyo akuimbidwa mlandu wa kuvala mosayenera kapena kulankhula kwambiri.
Zotsutsa izi cholinga chake ndi kusokoneza ufulu wodzilamulira ndi kudziyimira pawokha kwa mnzanuyo, kumupangitsa kukhulupirira kuti nsanje ya winayo ndi kusatetezeka ndi udindo wake. Mwanjira imeneyi, munthu wonyenga amaluka ukonde mozungulira mnzake, nthawi zonse amakayikira osati chabe khalidwe lake, komanso mmene akumvera komanso mmene alili.
4. Kunyoza
Kulankhulana mwamatuko m'banjamo sikumangochitika mwa manyazi, kutchula mayina ndi kukalipira. Kunyoza ndi mtundu winanso wankhanza womwe umawononga kwambiri ulemu wa munthu. Zoona zake n’zakuti ndi khalidwe lochita zinthu mwaukali.
Nthawi zambiri munthu wonyoza amalankhula mawu achipongwe omwe amakwiyitsa omvera. Mwanjira imeneyi, amamupangitsa mnzake kukhala pakati pa ndemanga zake zopweteka, nthawi zambiri amamunyoza ndikumupangitsa kudziona ngati woipa.
5. Kuyatsa gasi
Il kuyatsa gasi ndi njira yogwiritsidwa ntchito ndi anthu achinyengo omwe amawapangitsa ozunzidwawo kudzikayikira okha komanso zenizeni. Kuzunza kotereku kumakhala kovulaza komanso kobisika makamaka kwa okwatirana chifukwa kumalepheretsa munthu kudzidalira, motero amawasiya m'manja mwa mnzake, yemwe amamuona ngati gwero lachitetezo.
Kuyatsa gasi kumatha kuchitika m'njira zosiyanasiyana. Zitha kuchitika pamene munthuyo ayesa kutsimikizira mnzake kuti akulakwitsa. Akhoza kukayikira mtundu wake wa zochitika kapena malingaliro ake ndi malingaliro ake. Anthu awa amatsutsa zonse zomwe ena akunena, kusokoneza malingaliro awo ndi mawu ngati "mukutsimikiza? Zimene ukunena si zoona.
6. Kuimba mlandu
Kudziimba mlandu ndi imodzi mwa njira zofala kwambiri zolankhulirana. Kumatanthauza kuimba mlandu mnzake mwachindunji kapena mwanjira ina chifukwa cha mavuto a okwatiranawo kapenanso udindo wawo. Mwanjira imeneyi, mmodzi wa mamembala amachotsa udindo potsitsa kulemera kwa chiyanjano pa mzake.
Mawu "Taona zomwe wandipangitsa kuti ndichite" ndiye chitsanzo chabwino kwambiri cha mtundu uwu wa chinyengo, pomwe udindo wonse umagwera pa wina. Izi, m’kupita kwa nthaŵi, zimayambitsa kutopa kwa maganizo, kuwononga kudzidalira ndi kudzidalira kwa winayo, amene pamapeto pake adzadziimba mlandu chifukwa cha mavuto amene ali muubwenziwo. Mwa njira imeneyi akhoza kukakamiza mnzakeyo kuchita zinthu zimene samasuka nazo kapena zosemphana ndi zofuna zake.
7. Mphwayi
Kunyozana paubwenzi sikuchitika nthawi zonse ndi mawu opweteka kapena achipongwe. Nthawi zina zimatengera kukhala chete ndi mphwayi. Zowonadi, kulephera kwamalingaliro ndi chida champhamvu chowongolera mkati mwa maubwenzi apamtima omwe amayenera kukhala magwero a chilimbikitso chamalingaliro.
Kukhala chete kumasanduka chida chonyengerera munthu akamayesa kuphwanya zofuna za mnzake. Choncho, ndi mtundu wa nkhanza za m'maganizo pamene kulankhula kumachotsedwa poyesa kulanga, kusokoneza kapena kuvulaza winayo.
Ngati mumachita mantha nthawi zonse, ngati mukuyenda pa kristalo wosweka, mukakhala ndi mnzanu, mungakhale mukukumana ndi vuto linalake lachipongwe. Ndikofunikira kudziikira malire ndikulankhula za kuipa komwe mawu kapena malingaliro ena amakubweretserani.
Kunyoza kwamtundu uliwonse mwa awiriwa ndi chizindikiro chochenjeza chifukwa kumatha kusokoneza malingaliro anu komanso thanzi lanu. Simukuyenera kukhala pachibwenzi pomwe mumazunzidwa, kutukwanidwa komanso kuzunzidwa, ngakhale nthawi zina mumamva kuti ndinu otsekeredwa. Osagonja pamayesero a ena kukulamulirani, kukusokonezani kapena kukunyozetsani. Lankhulani ndi munthu wina wapafupi ndi inu kapena funsani thandizo kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo kuti mupeze chithandizo chomwe mukufuna.
Malire:
(2017) The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. Mu: CDC.
Karakurt, G. & Silver, KE (2013) Kuzunzidwa m'malingaliro mu ubale wapamtima: Udindo wa jenda ndi zaka. Wochitidwa chiwawa; 28 (5): 804-821.
Pakhomo Mitundu 7 yamwano muubwenzi womwe muyenera kuzindikira idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.
