Ukwanga kunye nokuncamisa kukutya komphefumlo, ngakumbi kwiminyaka yokuqala yobomi. Ukwanga okuthambisayo nokuhlekisayo, ukwanga okuthuthuzelayo kunye nokuncamisa okuzalise intliziyo akufuneki kuphoswe kubomi bemihla ngemihla babantwana.
Ukuncamisa akukona nje ukubonakaliswa kothando jikelele, kodwa kukwakhuthaza unxibelelwano lweemvakalelo. Noko ke, njengoko abantwana bekhula, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba bahlukane ngokwasemzimbeni, ngakumbi xa ukungxama, uxinezeleko okanye ukonqena kwesiqhelo kutsala ingqalelo yabazali. Ngoko kulula ukulibala ukwanga okuhle okanye ukwanga nje ngokungxama.
Umlingo wokwanga ekukhuleni komntwana
Ukwanga kunokubonakala ngathi yinto elula kangangokuba kulula ukuyilibala intsingiselo yayo enkulu ngokweemvakalelo kunye nazo zonke iingenelo ezizisayo. Enyanisweni, ukwanga kunamandla amakhulu “okuphilisa”. Ukudlulisela ukhuseleko nothando, banokuthomalalisa intlungu yokuwa nokulila kwabantwana. Zingumsindisi wobomi xa izinto zingahambi kakuhle kwaye kuvela ukudana okanye usizi.
Umphumo onenzuzo wokwanga udityaniswe notshintsho abaluvelisayo kwingqondo. Ukuphuza kuye kwaboniswa ukukhulula i-cocktail yeekhemikhali, ezifana ne-oxytocin, i-dopamine kunye ne-serotonin, eyenza amaziko olonwabo. Ngenxa yoko, banciphisa amanqanaba e-cortisol kwaye banciphise intlungu kunye nokukhathazeka ngokweemvakalelo.
Umsa wokwenyama, obonakaliswa ngokuwolwa nokubanga, nawo unegalelo kuzinzo lweemvakalelo zabantwana. Uphononongo olwenziwe e University of Brown yatyhila ukuba abantwana abafumana uthando olungakumbi lokwenyama kubazali babo ngokuwolwa nokuncanyiswa badla ngokukhula babe ngabantu abakhulu abazinzileyo ngokweemvakalelo. Kwakhona babonisa ukuxhalaba okuncinci, amandla amaninzi, ukuzithemba ngakumbi, kwaye babenobubele kwabanye.
Amandla okwanga kunye nokuncamisa awaphelelanga kwinqanaba leemvakalelo. Uphando olwenziwa kubantwana abaziinkedama eRomania ngeminyaka yee-90 lwabonisa ukuba abo bafumana olona thando luncinane kubazali babo ababakhulisayo baye bangakwazi ukukhula kakuhle ngokweemvakalelo. Ngoko ke, ukubonakalisa uthando ngokwasemzimbeni kukwakhuthaza ukukhula komntwana.
Ngokungathandabuzekiyo, ukwanga kwabazali kuba yindawo yokuzola, enikela ukhuseleko olubalulekileyo nentembelo abantwana abayifunayo ukuze bachache. Ngokuncamisa, abazali bavakalisa inkxaso yabo nokuqonda kwabo, besomeleza ulwalamano olungokweemvakalelo nabantwana babo, ukuze babakhumbuze ukuba baya kuba secaleni kwabo xa befuna kakhulu.
Isiko lasebusuku elinenzuzo: kutheni ungagqibelisi usuku ngaphandle kokuncamisa abantwana bakho?
Njengabazali, kubaluleke kakhulu ukunikezela umzuzu wokunxibelelana ngokweemvakalelo kubantwana bethu apho ukwanga, ukwanga kunye nokubambana kungasweleki, ngakumbi ngaphambi kokulala. Ukuncamisa, okunikezwe ngokugqibeleleyo, yindlela emangalisayo yokubonisa abantwana ukuba sibathanda kangakanani. Ngenxa yesi sizathu bafanele bangasweli, kwanaxa sele bekhulile yaye loo mvakalelo yokungasafunwa njengoko ivela ngaphambili.
Kubantwana, ukulala ngenkumbulo yokumanga, ukuphulula ubuso kunye ne "Ndiyakuthanda" evela kumama notata kunenzuzo kakhulu. Ayiloxesha elimnandi kuphela eliya kubanceda baphumle, kodwa ezi mbonakaliso zothando ziya kubenza bazive bethandwa, bebalulekile kwaye bexatyiswa.
Ukukiss Goodnight, eneneni, kunentsingiselo enzulu yokomfuziselo. Zisisiqinisekiso sobudlelwane phakathi koyise nonyana. Bakwayingxelo yobuthunywa kuba bagxininisa ukuba kungakhathaliseki ukuba luhlobo luni losuku esiye saba nalo, oko kuncamisa kutywina ukuzinikela kuthando lwethu kunye nenkxaso omnye komnye.
Ukwanga okuhle ebusuku kukhumbuza umntwana wakho ukuba ukhethekile kuwe kwaye uthando lwakho alunamiqathango. Bakwahamba nesithembiso sokuba ngomso iza kuba yimini entsha eneziqalo ezintsha nesithembiso sethemba ngekamva.
Ngaphaya koko, ukuba goodnight kiss ayiyoncedo ebantwaneni kuphela, kodwa amandla ayo adlulela nakubazali ngokunjalo. Lo mzuzu woqhagamshelo kunye nothando, uhlala egameni lokuzola, ukubandakanyeka kunye nokwazisa, kuya kubanceda bahlaziye iibhetri zabo kwaye bazikhulule kuxinzelelo lwemini, bajike bajonge kwinto ebaluleke kakhulu.
Olo mzuzu wothando kunye nonxibelelwano luya kuphinda luphindwe kamva ebomini. Abantwana baya kuhlala beyigcina kwinkumbulo yabo kwaye kunokwenzeka ukuba baya kuyiphinda kamva kunye nabantwana babo, bavale isangqa esilungileyo sothando. Ngamafutshane, akukho ndlela engcono kubantwana kunye nabazali kunokubulisa imini ngokumanga, ukuya kulala ngentliziyo egcwele uthando emva kokuchitha loo mizuzu emilingo emaphethelweni ebhedi.
Umda:
Maselko, J. et. Al. (2011) Uthando lukaMama kwiinyanga ze-8 luqikelela ukuxinezeleka ngokomzwelo kumntu omdala. J Epidemiol yoLuntu lwezeMpilo; 65 (7): 621-625.
Carter, CS (1998) Iimbono ze-Neuroendocrine malunga nokuxhamla kwintlalo kunye nothando. Psychoneuroendocrinology; 23 (8): 779-818.
Chisholm, K. (1998) Ulandelelwano lweminyaka emithathu lokuQikelela kunye noBudlelwane obungenamkhethe kuBantwana abamkelwe kuMakhaya eenkedama aseRomania. Uphuhliso lwabantwana; 69 (4): 1092-1106.
Umnyango Phelisa imini ngothando, amandla okuncamisa ubusuku obuhle ebantwaneni yaqala ukupapashwa ngo Ikhonkco lePsychology.
