"Akukho mntu usiqithi, uphelele ngokwawo", ubhala uJohn Donne. Sifuna abanye kunye nabanye
bayasidinga. Iimvakalelo zabanye zisichaphazela kanye njengokuba besenjenjalo
Iimvakalelo zethu zinempembelelo kwabanye. Olu xhulumaniso olunzulu ngokweemvakalelo
into esomelezayo, kodwa isenza sibe sesichengeni ngakumbi.
Enyanisweni, sinako
ukuba sengozini yokuxhomekeka kakhulu kwinkxaso yeemvakalelo yabanye
abanye, nto leyo esivalela amathuba ukuphuhlisa izixhobo ze
ukuzilawula ngokweemvakalelo. Yinto eqhelekileyo ukuba sifune umntu ngamaxesha athile
esithomalalisayo, esithuthuzelayo okanye esikhuthazayo; kodwa ukuba oku kuba yinto eqhelekileyo kwaye asikho phakathi
sikwazi ukulawula iimeko zethu ngokweemvakalelo ngokwethu, siya kuba nengxaki, kuba
siya kuxhomekeka kulawulo lweemvakalelo zangaphandle.
Yintoni ukulawulwa kweemvakalelo zangaphandle?
Abantu abasingqongileyo
badla ngokudlala indima ephambili ekusincedeni silawule iimvakalelo zethu. Ubuqu
sineprojekthi ebalulekileyo, umzekelo, sinokuziva sixhalabile okanye sicaphukile
siziva ngathi asenzi nkqubela phambili kwaye ixesha elibekiweyo liyasondela.
Kule meko, ngamanye amaxesha,
iinzame zethu zokulawula iimvakalelo zinokusilela kwaye ziphele
ukwenza unxunguphalo ngakumbi. Kuthi ke xa iqabane lethu lifikile, linikezele
qonda ukuba singene kumjikelo owonakalisayo kwaye usincede siphume kuwo.
Enye yenzeka
Ulawulo lweemvakalelo lwangaphandle, olubandakanya inkqubo ekwenziwa ngayo
umntu omnye uphembelela imeko yeemvakalelo zomnye, ngesazela nange-
usukelo oluchanekileyo engqondweni. Umntu ophembelela omnye ubizwa ngokuba “ngumlawuli”.
Hayi uvelwano okanye ukosuleleka ngokweemvakalelo, ukulawulwa ngokweemvakalelo
I-extrinsic iqhubela phambili ngakumbi
Ukulawulwa ngokweemvakalelo
I-extrinsic akufuneki ibhidaniswe novelwano okanye ukosulela ngokweemvakalelo,
yinkqubo eyahlukileyo abayinxalenye yayo:
1. Injongo. Ngokungafaniyo nokusuleleka ngokweemvakalelo, okwenzekayo
ngokuzenzekelayo, rhoqo ngaphandle kokuba uyazi ngokupheleleyo, ukulungiswa
imvakalelo yangaphandle ithetha injongo. Umlawuli unenjongo yoku
uphembelela iimvakalelo zomnye umntu, uyaqonda ukuba ufuna ukutshintsha
loo meko yeemvakalelo ngezenzo zakhe, zombini ukukhuthaza ukuba ungubani na
buhlungu, nokuthomalalisa abanomsindo.
2. Ukwenza. Sinokuvelana nomntu, sinxibelelane nowakhe
iimvakalelo kwaye siziqonde, kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba senjenjalo
into enokuchaphazela umoya wabo. Kulawulo lweemvakalelo zangaphandle, al
Ngokuchasene noko, umlawuli uthatha indima esebenzayo ekuphembeleleni enye. Ngaba
yahluka ukusuka kudliwano-ndlebe okanye enye indlela yokutolika ingxaki ukuya ku-a
ukwanga okunika ithemba kunye nokhuseleko.
3. Utshintsho kwiimvakalelo ezilungileyo okanye ezimbi. Ulawulo lweemvakalelo lwangaphandle aluphelelanga apho
ukuphucula isimo sengqondo sabantu, ukubakhuthaza xa bephantsi okanye ukuthothisa xa bephantsi
banomsindo. Le nkqubo inokunciphisa iimvakalelo ezintle okanye
kwanokuvelisa iimvakalelo ezingakhiyo. Umzekelo, umlawuli unokwandisa
inqanaba lethu lokuxhalaba ukusinceda ukuba sihlangabezane nomhla wokugqibela okanye ukunciphisa
ulangazelelo lwethu lweprojekthi eyingozi kakhulu.
Iimpazamo ezi-5 zabalawuli beemvakalelo
Sonke, ngaxa lithile
inqaku, senze njengabalawuli beemvakalelo zabanye. Nangona kunjalo, kwi
kwezinye iimeko sinokuphela sibangela umonakalo okhuthazwa zezona zilungileyo
iinjongo.
1. Ukungaqondi ukuba imvakalelo iyimfuneko. Enye yeempazamo eziphambili esizenzayo xa
sizama ukulawula isimo sengqondo sabanye kwaye singaqondi ukuba, mhlawumbi, imvakalelo
iyimfuneko ngaloo mzuzu. Nje, mhlawumbi kancinci eustress
yinto nje esiyidingayo ukugqiba iprojekthi ngexesha, ke
ukuba umntu uzama ukusikhulula, akuyi kusinceda kakhulu. Kufuneka umlawuli
Hlala uhlolisisa iindleko kunye neenzuzo zokugcina iimvakalelo
ofuna ukutshintsha malunga neenzuzo ezinokuziswa yimvakalelo
uzimisele ukuseka.
2. Ukukhetha iqhinga elingalunganga. Ukuphembelela imeko yeemvakalelo zomnye umntu,
kufuneka sithathele ingqalelo iqhinga, elinokuba lelo
mkhuthaze ukuba athathe uhambo ukuze aphumle okanye athethe ukukhulula iingcinga zakhe
iimvakalelo ezicinezelekileyo. Kodwa ukuba isicwangciso asiphumelelanga, sinokubangela ngakumbi
ingozi kunenzuzo. Umzekelo, ukuthetha ngomothuko kubonisiwe
inokuba negalelo ngokukhawuleza ekuzinziseni.
3. Ucinezelo olucacileyo. Enye yeendlela zangaphandle zokulawula iimvakalelo
eyona iyingozi kakhulu idla ngokucinezelwa okucacileyo, okubandakanya ukunciphisa i-al
ingxaki yomntu okanye izinto ezimxhalabisayo zincinci. Amabinzana afana “ungakhathazeki, akukho nto”
banokuba nesiphumo esichaseneyo kuba umntu akayi kuziva eqinisekisiwe
ngokweemvakalelo, ngokuchaseneyo, uya kuziva kufuneka afihle iimvakalelo zakhe
kuba abamkelekanga eluntwini.
4. Musa ukuzibeka endaweni yomnye umntu. Ngamanye amaxesha sineenjongo ezintle, kodwa akunjalo
singazikhulula kwi-egocentrism yethu ukuze sincede abanye. Siyakholwa
ukuba izicwangciso ezisisebenzelayo kufuneka zibe nefuthe elifanayo kwabanye,
kwaye akunjalo. Inyaniso yokuba sifuna ukuya epatini xa siziva ngathi
yedwa okanye lusizi akuthethi ukuba kuyafana nakwabanye, rhoqo, enyanisweni,
inesiphumo esichasayo. Ngoko ke, ukuba sizama ukulawula iimvakalelo zabanye abantu
ngokwembono yethu, siya kuba nethuba eliphezulu lokuba iatrogenic.
5. Ukunikezela ngokukhawuleza. Ukulawulwa ngokweemvakalelo yinkqubo entsonkothileyo
ihlala ithatha ixesha. Asinakujika usizi lube luvuyo a
ukuqhwanyaza kweliso, emva koko unikezele ngokukhawuleza emva komzamo wokuqala a
impazamo eqhelekileyo xa sizama ukuncedana.
Lawula iimvakalelo zakho okanye uvumele abanye ukuba benze njalo
zilungelelanise?
Wonke umntu, ukusa kumlinganiselo othile
ingongoma, sifuna uncedo ukulawula iimvakalelo zethu. Nini
sidlula kumzuzu onzima ngakumbi, njengokuphela kwe
ubudlelwane, ukulahlekelwa ngumsebenzi okanye ukusweleka komntu omthandayo, ngamanye amaxesha
sifuna umntu osixhasayo asithuthuzele. Yinto eqhelekileyo.
Kodwa ukuba sifika
sixhomekeke ngokukodwa kwabanye ukuba balawule amazwe ethu
affective, siya kuba nengxaki, kuba oko kuthetha ukuba asikwazi
chonga, siqonde kwaye/okanye silawule iimvakalelo zethu.
Ulawulo lwekhefu
kweemvakalelo zethu ezandleni zabanye kubandakanya ukuphuhlisa a mkhuba
echaphazelekayo, ukuze sizive silahlekile kwaye sididekile ngaphandle koko
umntu. Ingathi singumntwana omncinci ongakwaziyo ukumelana nowakhe
ukusabela ngokweemvakalelo, nto leyo enokukhokelela ekubeni senze izigqibo ezimbi kakhulu.
Ke ngoko, nangona ulawulo lweemvakalelo lwangaphandle luyinto eqhelekileyo,
kufuneka siqinisekise ukuba siyisebenzisa kuphela kwiimeko ezithile.
Ukudinwa kwabalawuli beemvakalelo
Ukulawulwa ngokweemvakalelo
yangaphandle inokuchaphazela nabantu ekunyanzeleke ukuba basebenze njengabo
izilawuli ngokweemvakalelo kwabanye. Aba bantu kufuneka bathwale umthwalo
kweemvakalelo zabanye abantu - kwakunye neyakhe - kwaye oku kunokukhokelela kwinyani
uvelwano.
Ukuxhomekeka
iimvakalelo zomnye ukumnceda ukuba azilawule ngendlela eqinisekisa ngakumbi
idinwa kakhulu, ngakumbi kuba ekuhambeni kwexesha aba bantu
baphela bethwele uxanduva olungahambelaniyo nabo. Hayi le
kuthetha ukuba akufuneki sifumaneke ngokweemvakalelo ukubanceda
abanye, kodwa kufuneka siqinisekise ukuba ayibi yinto eqhelekileyo.
Enyanisweni, ukutya
ukuba likhoboka aliyi kuba kuhle nakubani na, ngoko ukuba ngokwenene sifuna oko
uncedo, kufuneka sikwazi ukukhapha ngaphandle kokuhlasela kunye nokuxhasa
ngaphandle kokuthatha indawo.
Umda:
Nozaki, Y.
& Mikolajczak, M. (2020) Ukulawulwa kweemvakalelo zangaphandle. uvakalelo; 20(1): 10-15.
Nozaki, Y.
(2015) Ubuchule boMvakalelo kunye nolawulo lweemvakalelo zangaphandle ezijoliswe kwi-
umntu okhutshiweyo. uvakalelo;
15 (6): 763-774.
Hoffman,
I-SG (2014) iModeli yokuLawula i-Interpersonal Emotion of Mood kunye neNxwala
Iziphazamiso. Cognit Ther Res;
I-38 (5): 483-492.
Umnyango Ummiselo weemvakalelo ezingaphaya: Xa abanye belawula iimvakalelo zakho yaqala ukupapashwa ngo Ikhonkco lePsychology.
