Kwakhe kwakho intlanganiso yoononkala. Zazivela kuyo yonke indawo: kumanzi azolileyo nakwiilwandlekazi ezixakekileyo nakwimilambo. Kwakungazange kubekho umnxeba ololu hlobo, ngoko wonke umntu wayelindele ukwazi ukuba kutheni.
UNonkala omdala wathetha:
- Bahlobo, ndikubizele ukuba uthethe ngomkhwa ombi kakhulu ebesisoloko siwenza kangangeenkulungwane kwaye kufuneka sitshintshe ngokukhawuleza.
Wonke umntu wamangaliswa, de wabuza unonkala:
- Yintoni lo mkhwa?
- Hamba ngasemva -, waphendula ngokuphandle unonkala omdala. - Wonke umntu usebenzisa thina njengomzekelo ombi kwaye benze umfanekiso ombi ngathi. Kuya kuba nzima ukuba sitshintshe, kodwa ndicebisa ukuba oomama bafundise abantwana babo ukuhamba phambili. Kuya kuba lula kwisizukulwana esitsha, ngoko siya kuphucula umfanekiso wethu.
Abo babekho bavuma, yaye xa bebuyela ekhaya benza umgudu wokusebenzisa oko bakuncomelayo. Ukususela ngelo xesha ukuya phambili, bonke oononkala abazalwayo baya kufundiswa ukuhamba phambili.
Oomama benza umgudu wokukhokela inzala yabo, kwanoononkala abancinane babesokola ukushukuma imilenze yabo njengoko babeyalelwe, kodwa inkqubela yayincinane ngenxa yokuba kwakunzima kakhulu.
Ngenye imini, omnye woononkala abancinci waphawula ukuba abazali bakhe babehamba ngasemva ngokukhawuleza nangokungakhuthaliyo.
- Kutheni besenza enye into kwaye basifundisa enye? - Iinkonzo.
Ngaphandle kokulibazisa, bazama loo ndlela yokuhamba baza bafumanisa ukuba kulula ngakumbi, ngoko bayeka ukuzama ukuya phambili.
Unonkala omkhulu kwafuneka avume ukuba akanakucela into awayengenakuyenza kulutsha. Ngaloo ndlela, bonke baqhubeka behamba ngasemva, njengesiqhelo.
Nangona enyanisweni oononkala abahambi ngasemva, kodwa ecaleni, le ntsomi kaFélix María de Samaniego ijongana nokubaluleka kokungaguquguquki njengexabiso, kokubini kwinkalo yemfundo kubomi bemihla ngemihla. Ngapha koko, ukungaguquguquki kuye kwaba lelona xabiso liphindaphindiweyo kwaye liboniswa kubomi bemihla ngemihla. Ubuncinci ingcamango yayo, hayi ukwenza kwayo.
Ukuhambelana njengexabiso kunye nesigwebo
Igama elithi ukunamathelana lisuka kwisiLatini i-coherentia, eyayisetyenziselwa ukubonisa uxhulumaniso lwehlabathi okanye ubudlelwane phakathi kweqela ngalinye. Lithetha umanyano, kungekuphela nje kwisenzeko kodwa nakwintetha yazo.
Sisenokuthi umntu akaguquguquki xa ehlangabezana neemfuneko ezimbini ezisisiseko: 1. ukukuphepha ukuthetha okanye ukuva enye into aze enze enye, kunye 2. nokugcina izithembiso nokuzinikela kukabani. Ngoko ke, abantu abangaguquguqukiyo banokuqikelelwa kwaye banokuthenjwa. Siyayazi into emasiyilindele kubo kwaye singayifanelanga.
Ukungaguquguquki kutyhila amandla okanye ubuthathaka benkqubo yethu yokuziphatha kunye nokusetyenziswa kwayo kwihlabathi lokwenyani. Yinto esivumela ukuba sibe sisalathiso sabanye abantu, umntu othembekileyo nothembekileyo ogqithisa ukhuseleko kunye nokuvisisana komgwebo kunye nesenzo. Ngoko ke isebenza njengeglue yentlalo enamandla, ngelixa ukungabikho kwayo kudala ukudideka, ukungaqiniseki kunye nokungathembeki kubudlelwane. Ke ngoko, ukungaguquguquki kunokuba yinto ebalulekileyo yokwakha izithuba zokuthembana okanye, ngokuchaseneyo, ukukrokrelana okubangela ungquzulwano phakathi kwabantu.
Ngenxa yesi sizathu, sihlala siyisebenzisa njengento yokulinganisa kunye nesigwebo. Sivavanya ukungaguquguquki kwabanye ukuze sazi ukuba ilizwi labo lithembekile na. Kunoko, ukungavisisani kuyawasusa amandla okuziphatha. Enyanisweni, sikholelwa ukuba akucebisekanga ukwamkela izifundo kubantu abangaguqukiyo.
Kodwa masingalibali ukuba kwangolo hlobo siphakamisa ngalo iintshiyi zethu xa sijongana nokungangqinelani koosopolitiki nabanye abantu abadumileyo kuluntu, ukungaguquguquki kuyasihluba kwaye kusibhence nathi, njengakwintsomi yoononkala. Akukho mntu ukhululekile ekungahambelani.
Ukwakha ukuhambelana yinkqubo yobomi bonke
Ukungaguquguquki komntu kuye kwakhiwe kubo bonke ubomi. Siyifunda njengabantwana, okokuqala entsatsheni, esikolweni nasekuhlaleni. Abazali, ngokuqinisekileyo, badlala indima enkulu ekubumbeni ingqiqo yokubambisana, kunye nenkqubo yemfundo.
Kubo bonke ubomi, sifunda ngeendlela ezahlukahlukeneyo, kuquka ngokuqwalasela oko kwenziwa ngabanye. Ngapha koko, ukufunda okungumzekelo, okwakwaziwa njengokufunda ngokujonga, ukuxelisa okanye ukufunda ngokuzimisela, yenye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo ebuntwaneni. Abantwana bafunda ngokujonga abantu abadala, ababa yimizekelo yabo kunye nemizekelo. Ke ngoko, ukufundisa ngokuhambelanayo yeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokuphuhlisa eli xabiso.
Noko ke, ukufunda ngokulinganisa akuphelelanga nje kwinqanaba losana. Njengabantu abadala siyaqhubeka siqwalasela ukuziphatha koontanga bethu kwaye sifunde kubo. Kanye njengokuba abantwana bekhangele kubazali babo ukuze bafumane iingongoma ezithile abanokubhekisela kuzo xa belahleka ekuhlaleni, nathi sikhangela kwabanye xa singazi ukuba siziphathe njani.
Xa uthandabuza, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuphawula oko kwenziwa ngabanye. Yindlela yakudala evumela ukuba siphephe iimpazamo ezingafunekiyo okanye iimeko eziyingozi. Ngoko ke, sinokuqhubeka sisomeleza ukulungelelana kwabantu abadala, ngoxa sikwaqwalasela umzekelo onikelwa yimibutho neenkqubo. Ekugqibeleni, lonke uluntu kunye nenkcubeko ivelisa imigangatho ethile yokuhambelana.
Kodwa xa sintywiliselwa kwiinkqubo eziqhelekileyo zokungahambelani, sinokuthi sibe ne-cognitive dissonance kunye nokuhambelana kwethu kuhlupheka. Ingqiqo yethu yokubambisana, eneneni, ayimi kodwa iyindlela yokuphila ehambayo kwaye ivumelane neemeko, ikwazi ukuba ngumqolo wobomi bethu okanye, ngokuchaseneyo, isebe lokubambisana.
Xa sivaleleke kuluntu apho amanqanaba aphezulu okungahambisani avunyelwe, ngokusisiseko sinamathuba amathathu, njengoko isazi sefilosofi u-Esther Trujillo sichaza. Eyokuqala kukuncama iimbono neenkolelo zethu, ngelixa elesibini libandakanya ukulungelelanisa ukuze inkqubo isamkele.
Nokuba yeyiphi na indlela sizama ukungaguquguquki. Oku kuquka ukuyeka ukwenza oko sikufunayo okanye ukusinyanzela ukuba sicinge ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, oku kungahambelani kunokuthatha indawo, kusenze sizive njengabakhohlisi kwaye siphulukane nokunxibelelana nathi.
Okwesithathu okunokwenzeka kukuba siqonde ukuba asikwazi ukutshintsha uluntu ngokubanzi ukuze luhambelane nenkqubo yethu yenkolelo, ngoko kufuneka "siphume" ukuze sigcine ukuhambelana kwethu. Ngokucacileyo oku kuza kwiindleko. Kwaye ihlala iphezulu kakhulu.
Iindleko kunye nomgibe wokuhambelana
Ukungqinelana kuyo yonke indawo. Izibonakalisa kubuntu bethu, ekwenzeni nasekuthetheni. Kukwabonakala nakwizigqibo zethu, ngakumbi xa sikhetha into emasiyigcine nesimele siyincame. Nasiphi na isigqibo esihambelanayo sihlala sibandakanya ukulahlwa. Ngoko ke, uqheliselo lokungaguquguquki luthetha ukukulungela ukuyeka ezinye izinto.
Nangona kunjalo, kubalulekile ukuba ungangeni kumgibe wokuhambelana, oku kuthetha ukuba ingcamango epheleleyo ngokwemiqathango "yonke okanye akukho nto". Ukungaguquguquki kunokuba ngumthombo wenkuthazo kunye nomqolo wobomi obunentsingiselo, kodwa kunokuba ngumqobo xa usetyenziswa ngokungqongqo. Ukungaguquguquki kufanele kube yikhampasi, kungabi yinto ecudisayo. Xa sisisebenzisa ngokungqongqo, siphelela ekusicinezeleni nasekusophuleni, sisingenise kulawulo lobuzwilakhe. Ulawulo lobuzwilakhe oluthi ekuhambeni kwexesha lube yingozi.
Sonke siyatshintsha ngokuhamba kwexesha ngenxa yamava esinawo. Yinto eqhelekileyo. Ukuhlala ubotshelelwe kumaxabiso aphulukene ne-raison d'etre kwaye engasabonakalisi ukuba singoobani na okanye into esikholelwa kuyo, nje ukungaguquguquki, kukuzibulala ngokwasengqondweni. Ukungaguquguquki sisixhobo sokuphila bhetele kwaye sibe yinyani ngakumbi, hayi isiphunzi ekufuneka sibotshelelwe kuso.
Umda:
Trujillo, E. (2020) Ukukhangela ukuhambelana. Ukuziphatha.
Vonk, R. (1995) Iimpembelelo zokuziphatha okungahambelaniyo kwiiMbonakaliso zoMntu: iSifundo se-Multidimensional. Ubuntu kunye neNzululwazi yezeNzululwazi zeBlue; 21 (7): 674-685.
Umnyango Ukubaluleka kokuhambelana njengexabiso kwihlabathi elikhulayo elingahambelani yaqala ukupapashwa ngo Ikhonkco lePsychology.
