Ngamanye amaxesha kunzima ukufumana amagama afanelekileyo okuthuthuzela umntu. Ukufumana igama elifanelekileyo ngexesha elifanelekileyo lokuvelisa isandi esifanelekileyo bubugcisa obumbalwa abantu abaphetheyo. Ngenxa yoko, ngamanye amaxesha ukuzama ukuthuthuzela umntu kusilele kabuhlungu kwaye kuphele kusongeza usizi, unxunguphalo kunye nokuphelelwa lithemba.
Ingcali yonyango lwezonyango uSusan Silk uye wazibonela oku. Xa wafumanisa ukuba wayenomhlaza wamabele, wafumana amagqabantshintshi amaninzi kunye namazwi athuthuzelayo angamthuthuzeliyo kwaphela. Kwakukho nabantu ababethula ukungonwabi kuye, besongeza ubunzima kumthwalo awayesele ewenzile.
Emva koko waqonda ukuba intuthuzelo kunye nokuthuthuzelwa kubalulekile, kodwa akukho lula. Uninzi lwabantu, olunezona njongo zibalaseleyo, luphela lusenza ububi obungaphezulu kokulungileyo kumzamo wokuthuthuzela abanye. Kungenxa yoko le nto waqulunqa i-'Ring Theory 'kunye noBarry Goldman, awayezimisele ukunceda abantu ukuba baqonde kwaye basebenzise ubugcisa bokuqinisa nokududuza.
Ithini ingcamango ethi "iringi"?
Ithiyori "yering" iyaqala ukujikeleza izangqa zokuthembana apho sihamba khona yonke imihla. Ukuyisebenzisa, inyathelo lokuqala kukuchonga uthungelwano lwenkxaso olufumanekayo kumntu ohamba kwimeko ebuhlungu.
Yindlela elula yokwazi ixesha lokuthuthuzela nokusinceda ukuba siyifumane xa siyifuna kakhulu. Isebenza kuzo zonke iintlobo zeengxaki, ukusuka kwiingxaki zempilo ukuya kubunzima bezemali kunye nokuthandana okanye ukungqubana okukhoyo.
Ukuyisebenzisa kufuneka siqale ngokuzoba isangqa sokuqala, esiya kuba sisangqa esisembindini. Ngaphakathi kwesangqa kufuneka sibhale igama lomntu ohlangabezana nengozi okanye imeko enzima.
Ke masizobe isangqa sesibini esikhudlwana sijikeleze esokuqala. Kwisangqa eso sibhala igama lomntu osondeleyo kuye osentlungwini, njengeqabane okanye mhlawumbi umntwana.
Emva koko, sizoba isangqa sesithathu, kodwa ngeli xesha sibhala kuwo amagama abantu abasondeleyo, njengabazali okanye abahlobo abasenyongweni.
Okokugqibela sizobe isangqa sesine kwaye ngaphakathi sibhale amagama abantu abasondelelene kancinci kodwa abanokunceda ngandlela thile, njengezihlobo ezikude, abantu abasebenza nabo okanye abamelwane.
Ngale ndlela, asenzi kuphela ukubonakaliswa komzobo wenethiwekhi yenkxaso efumanekayo emntwini, kodwa sikwaqonda indawo esizifumana sikuloo meko sikuyo.
Umgaqo: duduza abachaphazeleke kakhulu, funa intuthuzelo kwabona bachaphazelekayo
Ukugcina ezo zangqa zigxile engqondweni, umthetho wokusebenzisa ulula: kwizangqa zangaphakathi intuthuzelo iyenziwa, kwezangaphandle umntu ufuna. Abo bachaphazeleke kakhulu kufuneka bathuthuzeleke ngelixa abo bangachaphazelekanga kufuneka bathuthuzelwe. Yinto elula nje leyo.
Umntu okwisangqa sendawo angathetha nantoni na ayifunayo nakubani na kwezinye izangqa, nangaliphi na ixesha, naphi na. Lo mntu unzima kwaye ufuna inkxaso kunye nokuqinisekiswa, ke uvumelekile ukuba akhalaze ngethamsanqa lakhe elibi okanye ukungabikho kokusesikweni.
Ewe akuthethi ukondla amaxhoba angenasiphelo okanye isimo sengqondo sokweyiswa, kodwa kufuneka siqonde ukuba amaxesha amaninzi ngaphambi kokuba siphakame, kufuneka sizikhothe amanxeba. Sonke sinezindlela ezahlukeneyo zokuphilisa, kwaye kumanqanaba okuqala kuyinto eqhelekileyo kuthi ukuba sizive siphoxekile, sibuhlungu okanye sikhathazekile. Ke ngoko, kwimizuzu yokuqala emva kobunzima, umntu lowo kuya kufuneka enze nje i-catharsis, ke eyona nto intuthuzelayo kukumamela.
Ewe ngamanye amaxesha iingxaki zabanye ziyasichaphazela kwaye sinokuziva sikhathazekile, silusizi okanye siphoxekile. Yinto eqhelekileyo. Kodwa ukulahla ezo mvakalelo ngokuthe ngqo kubantu abachaphazeleke kakhulu akunakunceda mntu. Iya kusebenza kuphela ukwandisa iintlungu kunye nokubandezeleka.
Endaweni yoko, sinokufuna intuthuzelo kubantu abakwisangqa esikhulu kuba sikude nengxaki esicinga ukuba bakwi umgama ngokwengqondo ziyimfuneko ukusinceda silawule iimvakalelo zethu.
Isishwankathelo, kufuneka sicace ukuba xa sithetha nomntu okwisangqa esincinci kunesethu, umntu osondele kwiziko lobunzima, eyona njongo yethu iphambili kukubanceda, hayi ukongeza ukungonwabi, ukungabi nathemba okanye ukungakhathali.
Ungayithuthuzela njani ngokuzithemba?
Xa umntu efuna ukuthuthuzelwa kungcono uziqhelanise nokumamela. Kubalulekile ukusiphepha isilingo sokunika iingcebiso kuba kuhlala kunganyanzelekanga kwaye kube semngciphekweni ukuwela ezindlebeni ezingevayo okanye, okubi ngakumbi, ukucaphukisa okanye ukubonakala ngathi uyanyanzela. Umntu onobunzima ufuna ukuviwa nje kwaye abe negxalaba lokukhala kuye. Endaweni yokuzama ukumthuthuzela ngokumxelela ngamava ethu adlulileyo okanye ukumxelela into esiza kuyenza endaweni yakhe, kungcono siqinisekise iimvakalelo zakhe kwaye simbuze ukuba singamnceda njani.
Mhlawumbi loo mntu ufuna umntu oza kuhamba naye ukuze akhuphe umphunga okanye anyamekele abantwana okanye izilwanyana zasekhaya iiyure ezimbalwa. Okanye mhlawumbi kufuneka aphume kwaye aphazamiseke okanye umntu amse esibhedlele. Ukuba luncedo, kangangoko kunokwenzeka, akubandakanyi nje ukuthatha isimo sengqondo sokusebenza, kodwa kukwabonisa ukuba uyafumaneka kwaye unikezela ngenkxaso engenamiqathango. Kwaye ngamanye amaxesha kuko konke okudingayo ukuphuma kwintlekele.
Umthombo:
Isilika, S. Goldman, B. (2013) Ungathethi njani into engeyiyo. Ku: Los Angeles Times.
Umnyango Umgaqo wengqondo wokuthuthuzela kunye nokuthuthuzelwa ngaphandle kokwenza iimpazamo yaqala ukupapashwa ngo Ikhonkco lePsychology.
