Namhlanje sithetha ngayo ubukrelekrele bemvakalelo: yaziwa kakhulu ngeyona ncwadi ithengiswa kakhulu nguGoleman, yi Ukubanakho ukunxibelelana ngokunzulu neemvakalelo zakho kwaye uzisebenzise ukuphucula ubomi bakho kwaye sisakhono esinokuqeqeshwa ngaphezulu kobukho bethu ukuze sibonyuse ngokuhamba kwexesha.
Ke masibone ezinye izikhombisi zokuba sisebenze kuyo ukuze sibe libhanti elimnyama leemvakalelo.
1. Zilolonge ingqokelela yemvakalelo
Inyathelo lokuqala kukuziqhelanisa nokuzilolonga imbudumbudu ngokweemvakalelo. Ingaba ingantoni? Ewe, ndiza kukucacisela ngolu hlobo: abantu abakrelekrele ngokwasemphefumlweni abatsho ukuba “ndiziva ndilungile”, kodwa bayahlula phakathi kovuyo, ukonwaba, uvuyo kunye nokungaqhelekanga… Ngamafutshane, bagxila kumacala ahlukeneyo eemvakalelo zabo zive.
Umxholo kukuba ukuba unako Yahlula iintsingiselo ezigqibeleleyo ngaphakathi kweklasikhi "Ndiziva ndikhulu”(Ndonwabile, ndonelisekile, ndonwabile, ndonwabile, ndonwabile, ndinethemba, ndiyakhuthazeka, ndiyazingca, ndiyamhlonela, ndiyabulela,…); okanye ukuba ungabamba ii-shades ezingamashumi amahlanu "Iyacekiseka”(Unomsindo, uxakekile, wothukile, ucaphukile, uyafa, uyacaphuka, uyoyika, unomona, ubuhlungu, ukudana,…); emva koko ingqondo yakho unokhetho oluninzi lokuqikelela, ukwahlulahlula nokubona imvakalelo.
Abantu abane-granularity engaphucukanga ngokweemvakalelo kunokwenzeka ukuba bafumane ukuphazamiseka ngokweemvakalelo nangobuntu. Ukongeza kwinto yokuba okuncinci uya kuyicacisa kakuhle indlela oziva ngayo, kokukhona uya kukwazi ukujongana neengxaki zomoya ngendlela eyakhayo: ukuba inye kuphela imvakalelo yeemvakalelo ezimbi onazo "Ndiziva kakubi"Uza kusebenzisa iindlela ezingalunganga zokujongana nayo, kodwa ukuba uyakwazi ukwahlula uhlobo oluqhelekileyo"Ndiziva kakubi" isuka e "Ndiziva ndindedwa", Emva koko uya kuba nakho ukujongana nengxaki, umzekelo ngokubiza umhlobo.
I-granularity yemvakalelo sisixhobo sokuqala sokwandisa ubukrelekrele bemvakalelo. Ukuba unomdla wokufunda ngakumbi, ndincoma ukufunda incwadi kaGqirha Lisa Feldman Barrett ethi "Zenziwa Njani Iimvakalelo" (ngesiNgesi) umdla omkhulu.
Kulungile ke, ngoku uthatha ixesha ukwahlula iimvakalelo zakho kwaye uthatha amanyathelo aya phambili ukusuka kwibhanti elimhlopheNdiziva kakubi"Kwibhanti elimnyama"Ndiphelile kukuzisola". Ixesha lokuya kwinqanaba elilandelayo, ulungile?
2. Isichazi-magama
Isichazi magama sinokukunceda uhlakulele ubukrelekrele bemvakalelo kuba ukufunda amanye amagama ahambelana nehlabathi leemvakalelo sisitshixo sokuqonda iinkalo Bendithetha ngendawo edlulileyo. Ngokuqinisekileyo awuzange ucinge ukuba ukufunda amagama amatsha kunokuba yindlela eya kwimpilo yeemvakalelo. Okwangoku is from ulwimi Ukuze uqonde ukuba iingcinga zakho, izimvo zakho, iingcinga zakho ziyazalwa: sngawona magama uwasebenzisayo ukukhokela iingqikelelo zakho malunga nehlabathi okanye indlela yokuhambisa amandla akho kunye nolindelo. Singagqiba ke ukuba ezi ifuthe kwindlela oziva ngayo.
Akudingeki ukuba ube yintshatsheli yoqongqothwane ukuze ube krelekrele ngokwasemphefumlweni, khumbula, kodwa kubalulekile ukuba uhlale ubuso ngobuso kunye neemvakalelo zakho kwaye uchithe ixesha nabo ukwahlula nokubhala amagama kubo. Ngaba unomsindo, unomsindo, uyacaphuka okanye uyajika nje? Yazi iimvakalelo zakho, ngena ngaphakathi kubo kwaye ufunde ukuziva i-nuances phakathi kweemvakalelo ezahlukeneyo.
Ungathini ukuba isichazi-magama asilifumani igama elifanelekileyo lokuchaza kunye nekhathalogu oziva njani? Akukho ngxaki, masiyibone ngenqaku elilandelayo.
3. Yenza iimvakalelo ezintsha
Inqaku lesithathu nelokugqibela "yenza iimvakalelo ezintsha". Iimvakalelo ziyindalo iphela, kodwa elowo kuthi kufuneka agxile kubudlelwane bakhe kunye nolwalamano oluthile kunye nabo kwaye oku kunokunceda kakhulu ekwandiseni ubukrelekrele bemvakalelo. Ukuba awunikeli igama kwinto ongakwaziyo ukuyihlela ngamagama asele ekhona, eneneni, ingqondo yakho iyashukuma kwaye iyiphose kwimfumba "eyahlukileyo". Oku akufuneki kwenzeke, ngakumbi ukuba yimvakalelo ohlangabezana nayo rhoqo. Zama ukwenza umgudu kwaye zibize ezo mvakalelo.
Ndikhunjuzwa ngephulo lokwazisa kwakudala, apho kwaqala khona iimvakalelo ezintsha, umzekelo "ukuthembela", "ukulangazelela", "uloyiko", ... Umbono uhambelana ngqo nale ndikuxelela yona: Nika igama eliyiliweyo kwiimvakalelo zethu ezizodwa.
Ukuba ufuna ukuyenza ibe yeyokwenyani ngakumbi, ungabelana ngeemvakalelo nomntu. Umzekelo, xelela iqabane lakho igama laleyo mvakalelo ikunika yona. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, amagama athi "ulonwabo" kunye "nosizi" ayimigangatho eyakhiweyo: ayinyani kuba sivumelene nabanye. Kwaneedola ziingxande nje zephepha eliluhlaza, kude kube lusuku olunye wonke umntu evuma ukuba unexabiso elithile kwaye emva koko bayaxabiseka kakhulu.
Sibonile ezinye izimvo malunga nokonyusa ubukrelekrele bemvakalelo. Ayisiyiyo kuphela indlela, khumbula, kodwa kwimbono yam kuncinci kakhulu ukuthetha ngala manyathelo ma-3 kwaye bendifuna ukubazisa. Kubo bonke abo balifundileyo eli nqaku ukuza kuthi ga ngoku ndifuna ukubulela ngokungazenzisiyo kwaye ndithi ukuba wabelana nabahlobo bakho ndiza kuziva Enkosi! Ewe, nantsi imvakalelo endiyenzileyo ukuyichaza kuxubeke phakathi kombulelo nekratshi!
Ukuthenga incwadi kaBarrett "Zenziwa njani iimvakalelo", cofa apha: https://amzn.to/2LCantq
Bhalisela ikhosi yevidiyo yam yokukhula mahala apha: http://bit.ly/Crescita
L'articolo Ubukrelekrele bemvakalelo: 3 ukuzivocavoca ukuyonyusa kubonakala ngathi yeyokuqala Isayikholojisti yaseMilan.
