Ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo zethu kubudlelwane kubaluleke kakhulu. Izenzo kunye nokubonakaliswa kothando akuqinisekisi kuphela ubudlelwane beemvakalelo kunye nomnye, kodwa kwakhona kukhokelela kubudlelwane obunempilo kunye nozinzo ngakumbi ekuhambeni kwexesha. Nangona kunjalo, njengabantwana abafanelekileyo boluntu olucinezela ukubonakaliswa kweemvakalelo, akumangalisi ukuba abantu abaninzi bakufumanise kunzima ukuphalaza imbilini yabo kumaqabane abo.
Nangona iingenelo ezingathandabuzekiyo zokubonisa oko sivakalelwa kukuba, ukuba ngowokuqala ukuthi "Ndiyakuthanda" kunokungakhululeki. Ekuqaleni, ubudlelwane besibini buzaliswe zizinto zokuqala eziye zibe ziinkumbulo ezikhumbulekayo. Umhla wokuqala, ukwanga kokuqala kwaye, ngokuqinisekileyo, okokuqala uvuma ukuba uthandana.
Ingxaki kukuba abantu abaninzi bakholelwa ukuba ukuvuma uthando lwabo kuya kubabeka kwimeko esengozini phambi kweqabane labo. Abanye bayoyika indlela aza kusabela ngayo. Uloyiko lokungalungelelani emva kokuvuma izono lusenokuba ngumqobo kangangokuba abanye bazibambe baze bayifihle loo mvakalelo.
Ukuba silandela stereotypes eqhelekileyo ebonisa ukuba abafazi bakholisa ukuba zothando ngakumbi, uvakalelo kunye nokuvakalisa iimvakalelo zabo ngokulula ngakumbi, umntu unokucinga ukuba ngabokuqala ukuqaphela uthando lwabo kubudlelwane, kodwa uphononongo olwenziwa ngabaphandi abavela kwiiyunivesithi eziliqela emhlabeni wonke. , ukusuka e-UK ukuya eColombia, e-Australia nasePoland, kubonisa ukuba oku akunjalo.
Ukucalucalulwa kovumo lwamadoda
Abaphandi babandakanya abantu abayi-1.428 abavela kumazwe asixhenxe kumazwekazi amathathu. Bacelwa ukuba baphendule imibuzo eyahlukeneyo yabantu, kunye nokuvavanya izimbo zabo zokuncamathela kunye nokuhlalutya uvumo lothando. Ngokukodwa, bacelwa ukuba bathethe ngamava abo athi "Ndiyakuthanda" kubudlelwane, okwangoku okanye elidlulileyo.
Iziphumo zibonise ukuba amadoda athi "Ndiyakuthanda" ngaphambili kunabasetyhini kubudlelwane, umzekelo owenziwe ngokuphindaphindiweyo kumazwe amathandathu, ngaphandle kweFransi, apho ukungafani ngokwesini kwakungabalulekanga. Nangona kunjalo, kwakungekho yantlukwano yesini ngexesha bagqiba ekubeni bavume uthando lwabo kwiqabane labo - nokuba abazange benze njalo - kwaye kwinqanaba lolonwabo baziva ngokubhengezwa kothando.
Oku kubonisa ukuba ngelixa amadoda edla ngokuba ngabokuqala ukuthi "Ndiyakuthanda" kwiqabane labo, abafazi bakwimeko efanayo yeemvakalelo, nokuba abasoloko bethatha inyathelo lokuqala. Uphononongo lukwacebise ukuba amadoda anokuthi "Ndiyakuthanda" kuqala ukuba ahlala kwilizwe apho kukho abafazi abaninzi kunamadoda.
Uphononongo lwangaphambili oluqhutywe kwiYunivesithi yasePennsylvania lufumanise ukuba amadoda adla ngokuziva kwaye avume uthando lwawo emva kweeveki ezimbalwa ebudlelwaneni, ngelixa abafazi belinda ixesha elide. Ezi ngcali zengqondo zikholelwa ukuba abafazi bazimisele ukuhlehlisa iimvakalelo zabo, uhlobo "indlela yokuzikhusela“Apho bafumana ixesha lokuvavanya ngokuchanekileyo ixabiso lobudlelwane.
Xa kusithiwa "Ndiyakuthanda"?
Ngokuqhelekileyo, inzululwazi ibonisa ukuba izibini ezininzi ziziva zonwabile xa omnye evakalisa uthando lwazo. Okukuphela kokuphela kwabantu abanesitayile sokuncamathisela sokuphepha, kuba bahlala beziva becinezelekile. Nangona kunjalo, oku akuxhomekanga kwiqabane, kodwa kumava angaphambili umntu abe nawo.
Ngaphandle koloyiko, ii-stereotypes kunye noloyiko, ukuba uziva unemvakalelo enzulu, kukulungele ukwabelana kunye neqabane lakho. Okona kubi, ukuba abaphindi babuyisele, inokuba lixesha elifanelekileyo lokuthetha ngekamva lobudlelwane kunye nomthombo wogcino lwaloo mntu. Loo mazwi anokuba lithuba lokuphucula ubudlelwane kunye nokubuyela endleleni.
Ngapha koko, ukuthi “Ndiyakuthanda” akuthethi nje ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo, kodwa nokufumana inqanaba elitsha lokulalanisa kwesi sibini. Njengomthetho, njengoko ubudlelwane buqhubeka, iqabane ngalinye kufuneka lizive likhululekile ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo zabo. Ukuba akunjalo, kukho undonakele.
Ngoko ke, elona xesha lilungileyo lokuthi “Ndiyakuthanda” kuxa uvakalelwa ngokwenene. Akukhathaliseki noba nithandane nalomntu iinyanga ezintathu qha okanye ubuhlobo sele bunonyaka. Okubalulekileyo kukunyaniseka kwemvakalelo kunye nokuvumelana okulandelayo.
Umda:
Watkins, CD et. Al. (2022) Amadoda athi "Ndiyakuthanda" phambi kokuba abafazi benze: Robust kumazwe amaninzi. Umbhalo woBudlelwane beNtlalo noBuntu; 10.1177.
UHarrison, MA & Shortall, JC (2011) Abasetyhini kunye namadoda athandanayo: ngubani ngokwenene oyivayo kwaye utsho kuqala? J Soc Psych; 151 (6): 727-736.
Umnyango Amadoda athi "Ndiyakuthanda" phambi kwabasetyhini, ngokophononongo yaqala ukupapashwa ngo Ikhonkco lePsychology.
