Sithanda ukucinga ukuba uninzi lweziganeko azenzeki ngengozi, kodwa zinenkcazo esengqiqweni. Yiyo loo nto sijonga izizathu ezichaza isenzo sabanye nezethu. Sizama ukufumanisa unobangela wokuziphatha kwabo. Olu phendlo lobunzima lusisusa kude kwithuba kwaye lusivumela kwelinye icala, ukuba siqonde umhlaba kwaye kwelinye icala, ukubona kwangaphambili izenzo ezizayo.
Ukwabela oonobangela bentshukumo yinto eyaziwayo "njengembonakalo". Ngapha koko, ugqirha wengqondo kwezentlalo uLee Ross ubanga ukuba sonke siziphatha "njengabanolwazi ngengqondo" kuba sizama ukucacisa indlela esiziphethe ngayo kwaye sithathe nolwazelelelo ngabantu nakwimimandla yentlalo abasebenza kuyo.
Nangona kunjalo, asihlali "singabafundi bengqondo abangakhethi buso", kodwa sinotyekelo lokubamba abantu bephendula, sinciphisa impembelelo yomxholo. Emva koko senza impazamo yokunikwa esisiseko okanye ukungangqinelani.
Yeyiphi impazamo ebalulekileyo yokunikezelwa?
Xa sizama ukucacisa indlela yokuziphatha sinokuthi siqwalasele zombini izinto zangaphakathi zomntu kunye nezinto zangaphandle zomxholo apho kwenzeka khona oko kuziphatha. Ke ngoko, sinokuthi sibonakalise isimilo sokuziphatha kukhetho lwangaphambili lomntu, izizathu, ubuntu kunye nomlinganiswa, onje: "Ufike emva kwexesha kuba uyonqena", okanye sinokuthi siqwalasele umxholo kwaye sicinge: "Ufike emva kwexesha kuba bezininzi izithuthi".
Kuba akukho mntu usebenza yedwa kwindawo ahlala kuyo, eyona nto isengqiqweni ukuyenza ukucacisa indlela yokuziphatha kukudibanisa impembelelo yamandla angaphakathi nangaphandle. Ngale ndlela kuphela apho siya kuthi sikwazi ukufumana uluvo njengenjongo kangangoko kuzo zonke izinto ezityhala umntu ukuba enze ngendlela ethile.
Ngayiphi na imeko, uninzi lwabantu ngamaxhoba ocalucalulo kwaye bathambekele ekugqithiseni ifuthe lezinto ezikhuthazayo okanye zokuziphatha ngokunciphisa impembelelo yomxholo, oku kwaziwa njengempazamo ebalulekileyo yokunikwa.
Umzekelo, khawube nomfanekiso-ngqondweni wemeko osenokuba ukhe wehlelwa yiyo: uqhuba uthe cwaka xa ngequbuliso ubona imoto ihamba ngesantya esiphezulu idlula wonke umntu ngendlela engenankathalo. Into yokuqala ewela engqondweni yakho mhlawumbi ayisiyonto intle. Usenokucinga ukuba ungumqhubi okhathalayo okanye onesiyobisi. Kodwa ingangumntu onobomi okanye ukufa okungxamisekileyo. Nangona kunjalo, impembelelo yokuqala ihlala yenza izigqibo malunga nomlingiswa wayo, ukunciphisa izinto eziguquguqukayo kokusingqongileyo ezinokuthi zimisele indlela eziziphethe ngayo.
Kutheni sibek 'ityala kwabanye?
URoss wayekholelwa ukuba sinika ubunzima bezinto zangaphakathi kuba zilula kuthi. Xa singamazi umntu okanye iimeko zakhe, kulula ukuba sithambekise isimilo okanye imikhwa yokuziphatha kwakhe kunokujonga zonke iimeko ezinokuthi zibe nefuthe kuye. Oku kukhokelela ekubeni sikuphendule.
Nangona kunjalo, inkcazo inzima ngakumbi. Ekugqibeleni, abanye sibaphendula kuba sihlala sikholelwa ukuba indlela yokuziphatha ixhomekeke ikakhulu kwintando yethu. Inkolelo yokuba sinoxanduva lwezenzo zethu isivumela ukuba sicinge ukuba singabaphathi bempilo yethu, endaweni yokuba ngamagqabi nje ashukunyiswa ngumoya weemeko. Oku kusinika imeko yolawulo esingakulungelanga ukuyiyeka. Ngokusisiseko, sigxeka abanye kuba sifuna ukukholelwa ukuba silawula ngokupheleleyo ubomi bethu.
Ngapha koko, impazamo esisiseko yokunikwa ihlala kwi ukukholelwa kwihlabathi elinobulungisa. Ukucinga ukuba wonke umntu ufumana oko kumfaneleyo kwaye ukuba bayahlangabezana nobunzima kule ndlela kungenxa yokuba "bayifumene" okanye khange bazame ngokwaneleyo, kunciphisa indima yendalo esingqongileyo kwaye kwandise izinto zangaphakathi. Ngale ndlela, abaphandi kwiDyunivesithi yaseTexas bafumanisa ukuba uluntu lwaseNtshona luthanda ukubenza baphendule ngezenzo zabo, ngelixa iinkcubeko zaseMpuma zibeka ugxininiso olukhulu kubume bezentlalo okanye kwezentlalo.
Iinkolelo ezisisiseko sempazamo esisiseko sinokuba yingozi kuba, umzekelo, sinokubeka ityala kumaxhoba obundlobongela kubo okanye sinokucinga ukuba abantu abahlelelekileyo kuluntu banoxanduva lokusilela kwabo. Ngenxa yempazamo esisiseko yokunikwa, sinokucinga ukuba abo benza "okubi" ngabantu ababi kuba asizikhathazi ngokujonga imeko okanye ulwakhiwo.
Ayisiyongxaki ke ngoko ukuba impazamo esisiseko yempembelelo iyandiswa xa iinkcazo zokuziphatha gwenxa zifunwa. Xa umcimbi usoyikisa kwaye usenza singazinzi, sihlala sicinga ukuba ngandlel 'ithile, ixhoba linoxanduva. Ithemba lokucinga ukuba umhlaba awunabulungisa kwaye ezinye izinto ezenzeka ngokungenamkhethe zoyikisa nje, njengoko isifundo esenziwe kwiYunivesithi yaseOhio sibonisa. Ngokusisiseko, sityhola amaxhoba ngokusinceda sizive sikhuseleke ngakumbi kwaye siqinisekisa umbono wethu wehlabathi.
Oku kungqinwa luphononongo olwenziwe liqela leengcali zengqondo ezivela kwiiyunivesithi zaseWashington naseIllinois. Aba baphandi bacele abantu abangama-380 ukuba bafunde isicatshulwa kwaye bachaza ukuba isihloko sikhethwe ngokungacwangciswanga ngokutshiza ingqekembe yemali, ebonisa ukuba umbhali bekunganyanzelekanga ukuba avumelane nomxholo.
Abanye abathathi-nxaxheba bafunda ingxelo yencoko bexhasa imigaqo-nkqubo yokubandakanywa kwabasebenzi kunye nabanye ngokuchasene nayo. Ke kuye kwafuneka babonakalise ukuba sithini isimo sengqondo sombhali. I-53% yabathathi-nxaxheba ibangelwe ngumbhali isimo sengqondo esihambelana nesincoko: ukungenelela kokubandakanya ukuba isincoko besinokuvuma kwaye sichasene nokubandakanywa xa isincoko sichasene nemigaqo-nkqubo.
Kuphela yi-27% yabathathi-nxaxheba echaze ukuba abanakukwazi indawo yombhali wophando. Olu vavanyo lutyhila ubumfama beemeko kunye nokugweba ngokungxama, okusikhokelela ekubeni sibek 'ityala abanye ngaphandle kokuthathela ingqalelo iimeko eziyinyani.
Isiphoso sesakho, hayi esam
Into enomdla kukuba, impazamo esisiseko yokunikezela ithambekele ekuthelekelweni nabanye, kunqabile kuthi. Kungenxa yokuba singamaxhoba ezinto ezaziwa ngokuba "kukujonga umlingisi-obukeleyo".
Xa sijonga indlela umntu aziphethe ngayo, sihlala sithatha isenzo sabo kubuntu babo okanye kwisishukumiso sangaphakathi, endaweni yemeko leyo, kodwa xa singabalinganiswa abaphambili, sihlala sithatha ukuba izinto esizenzayo zibangelwa yimeko yethu. Ngamanye amagama, ukuba umntu akaziphathi kakuhle, sithatha ukuba ngumntu ombi; kodwa ukuba asiziphathi kakuhle, kungenxa yeemeko.
Olu khetho lubalulekileyo alubangelwa kuphela yinto yokuba sizama ukuzithethelela kwaye sigcine i-egos yethu ikhuselekile, kodwa kwanakwinto yokuba siwazi ngcono umxholo apho isimilo ekuthethwa ngaso senzekile.
Umzekelo, ukuba umntu ugileka kuthi kwindawo enabantu abaninzi, siye sicinge ukuba abanakuthamba okanye abarhabaxa, kodwa ukuba sityhale umntu, sicinga ukuba kungenxa yokuba bekungekho sithuba saneleyo kuba asiziboni singakhathali umntu okanye krwada. Ukuba umntu utyibilika kwixolo lebhanana, sicinga ukuba ayilunganga, kodwa ukuba siyatyibilika siya kusola. Injalo nje.
Ewe ngamanye amaxesha sinokuba ngamaxhoba okungahambi kakuhle. Umzekelo, abaphandi abavela kwi- IPerelman School of Medicine bafumanise ukuba abanye abahlanguli baziva benetyala kakhulu ngenxa yokufa okuninzi okwenzeka emva kwentlekele. Kwenzeka ntoni ukuba aba bantu bagqithise ngamandla abo kunye nefuthe lezenzo zabo, balibale zonke izinto eziguquguqukayo ezingaphaya kolawulo lwabo kwiimeko eziyintlekele.
Kwangokunjalo, sinokuzibek 'ityala ngamashwa awenzeka kubantu abasondeleyo, nangona eneneni ulawulo lwethu kwiimeko kunye nezigqibo zabo zilinganiselwe. Nangona kunjalo, ukuthanda icala kubangela ukuba sicinge ukuba ngekhe senze okungaphezulu kunokunqanda ubunzima, ngelixa enyanisweni singenako.
Singayibaleka njani impazamo esisiseko yokunikezelwa?
Ukunciphisa iziphumo zempazamo esisiseko yokunikwa kufuneka sisebenzise uvelwano kwaye sizibuze: "Ukuba bendikwizicathulo zaloo mntu, ndingayichaza njani imeko?"
Olu tshintsho kumbono luya kusivumela ukuba siyitshintshe ngokupheleleyo imeko yemeko kunye nezinto esizenzayo malunga nokuziphatha. Ngapha koko, uvavanyo olwenziwe kwiDyunivesithi yaseNtshona yeNgilani yafumanisa ukuba ukutshintsha ngomlomo kweembono kuyasinceda ukuba silwe nokucalula.
Ezi ngcali zengqondo zibuze abathathi-nxaxheba imibuzo eyabanyanzela ukuba baguqule amanqaku okujonga phantsi kweemeko ezahlukeneyo (mna-wena, apha-apha, ngoku-emva koko). Ke bafumanise ukuba abantu abafumene olu qeqesho lokutshintsha indlela abajonga ngayo kunqabile ukuba babeke ityala kwabanye kwaye bathathe iimeko zokusingqongileyo ngakumbi ukuze bachaze okwenzekileyo.
Ke ngoko, kufuneka sibone indlela yokuziphatha ekukhanyeni kovelwano, sizibeka ngokwethu komnye umntu ukuzama ukumqonda ngamehlo.
Kuthetha ukuba kwixesha elizayo xa siza kugweba umntu, kufuneka sikhumbule ukuba sinokufumana ubunzima kwimpazamo esisiseko. Endaweni yokumsola okanye sicinge ukuba ungumntu "ombi", kufuneka sizibuze nje: "Ukuba bendingulo mntu, kutheni ndingayenza into enjalo?"
Olu tshintsho lwembono luyakusivumela ukuba sibe ngabantu abanolwazelelelo nabaqondayo, abantu abangaphili ngokugweba abanye, kodwa abane ukukhula kwengqondo ngokwaneleyo ukuqonda ukuba akukho nto imnyama okanye imhlophe.
Umda:
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Umnyango Impazamo ebalulekileyo yokunikezela: ukugxeka abantu ngokulibala umxholo yaqala ukupapashwa ngo Ikhonkco lePsychology.
