Ngamanye amaxesha abantu abangakwaziyo ukulawula uloyiko lwabo, izikhewu, ukungazithembi kunye noxinzelelo banamava anyanzelekileyo okulawula abanye. Bazama ukunyanzelisa izimvo zabo kunye nezigqibo kubo, bebanyanzela ukuba bahambisane neminqweno yabo kwaye banelise iimfuno zabo. Oku kuziphatha kubakhokelela ekusekeni ubudlelwane obuphezulu apho bagqibela ngokuxinana abanye, babathintele ioksijini efanelekileyo yengqondo ukuze baphile.
Le mfuno yokulawula abanye iyazibonakalisa kwiimeko ezahlukeneyo, ngamaxesha nakwiimeko ezahlukeneyo. Isenokuba ngumzali ongazithembanga ozama ukulawula abantwana bakhe ukuze bahlale kuxanduva lwabo ixesha elide. Ingangumntu olawula iqabane elizama ukudala ubudlelwane ukuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo ukungalahlwa. Okanye banokuba ngabahlobo, abantu osebenza nabo, okanye abaphathi abanzima abaphuhlisa indlela yokuziphatha, yokuphatha, okanye yokukhohlisa.
Nabani na osilelayo ukubeka iodolo ngaphakathi uzama ukuwunyanzela ngaphandle
Abantu abaninzi bazama ukulawula abanye ngenxa yokuswela ukuzeyisa, uqeqesho lwangaphakathi, kunye nokuzimela ngokweemvakalelo. Umnqweno wabo wokulawula abanye sisicwangciso esiliqili: abanako ukuzilawula, ke bazama ukulawula abanye.
Ngokubanzi aba ngabantu abafuna ukuqinisekiswa ngokwabo kubudlelwane ababumiselayo. Ngokulawula abanye bazakhela umfanekiso onamandla ngakumbi kubo kwaye bakhulise umbono wokusebenza ngokuzimeleyo abangakwaziyo ukukwenza ngokuzibamba. Oku kuthetha ukuba, ezantsi, ngabantu abangazithembanga, abanokuzithemba okuphantsi kunye nobunzima obukhulu ekulawuleni ilizwe labo ngokweemvakalelo.
Ewe, lo mzamo uphantse wokulawula ukulawula utyhila isidingo esinzulu "sokondliwa" kunye noloyiko olukhulu lokushiywa.
Izicelo zabo zihlala zityhila oku kungqubana, kubonisa ukuba baveza ezabo iintsilelo kwabanye. Banokusixelela, umzekelo, ukuba kufuneka sitye ukutya xa betyebe kakhulu, okanye ukuba sonakalisa imali xa enyanisweni bengazilawuli kakuhle iimali zabo. Umntu esisebenza naye angasityhola ngokungasebenzi kakuhle xa echitha ixesha, iqabane lingakhalaza ngelithi siyamlawula kanti enyanisweni yenye indlela.
Le ukulawula ubuntu banobunzima ekujonganeni nokungaqiniseki, abayinyamezeli imicimbi engalindelekanga kakuhle. Ukusilela ukulungelelanisa iimpendulo zabo zeemvakalelo kukungaqiniseki kunye nobunzima, bazama ukulawula abo babangqongileyo, kwilinge elilize lokufumana ukhuseleko abaludingayo. Ngokusisiseko, bahambisa eyabo indawo yokulawula ukusuka ngaphakathi ukuya ngaphandle.
Ngaphakathi kukasathana nolwandle olunzulu
Iingcali zengqondo kwiiyunivesithi zaseWurzburg naseBasel zifumanise ukuba abantu abakwaziyo ukuzibamba badla ngokuthatha isimo sengqondo esigqithisileyo, esithi "konke okanye akukho kwanto". Oku kuthetha ukuba aba bantu basabela ngokungxama kwaye abawulawuli kakuhle amagama aphakathi, ngenxa yoko isidingo sabo solawulo asikuvumeli ukubambezeleka okanye izizathu. Aba bantu baya kusibeka rhoqo phakathi kwelitye nendawo enzima: nokuba sikunye nabo kwaye siyanikezela kwiimfuno zabo okanye siyabachasa ukuba sithatha isigqibo sokukhusela inkululeko yethu.
Oku kungakwazi ukubona umhlaba ophakathi kunye nokuqonda ukuba siyayidinga indawo yethu yokuhlala, ngaphandle kokuthetha ukuba siyabathanda okanye siyabaxabisa kancinci, yeyona nto idala uxinzelelo kubudlelwane. Abantu baziva isidingo esingxamisekileyo sokuzilawula ngokuqhubekayo basityhalela kumda, besinyanzela ukuba sinikezele uninzi lomdla wethu okanye sihlehlise iimfuno zethu ngenxa yothando okanye ukulalanisa.
Ngenxa yoko, olu hlobo lomntu luya kucela yonke into: ixesha, inkxaso yeemvakalelo, ukunyaniseka, ukuzinikela kwaye, ewe, ukuthobela ngokungaboni, ukuya kwinqanaba lokutshabalalisa "isiqu" sethu.
Sukufuna kwabanye into ongayifumaniyo ngaphakathi kwakho
Abantu abangakwaziyo ukuzibamba kufuneka baqonde ukuba ukulawula abanye ngekhe kuyiphucule imeko yabo kuba ingxaki ayisiyiyo eyangaphandle kodwa yeyangaphakathi. Ukulawula abantu kuthintela kuphela inkululeko yabo kwaye, ekuhambeni kwexesha, kudala ukungqubana kubudlelwane obonyusa amathuba okushiyeka bodwa.
Ke ngoko, kufuneka balungiselele izixhobo zengqondo ezibavumela ukuba bakhulise ukusebenza kwabo ngempumelelo. Indawo efanelekileyo yokuqala kukuzama ukungazicingeli kwaphela.
Uvavanyo olwenziwe e University of Stanford kutyhilwe ukuba ukuzeyisa kuxhomekeke, phakathi kwezinye izinto, ekukwazini kwethu ukubona izinto ngokwembono yomnye umntu. Ezi ngcali zengqondo zifumanise ukuba ukucinga ngendlela ikamva lethu "I" eliya kuphendula ngayo kuphucula ukuzithiba ngokwandisa amandla ethu okuhlehlisa ukwaneliseka kwalapha nangoku kwixesha elizayo.
Ke ngoko, xa uziva ufuna ukulawula abanye, yima umzuzwana kwaye uzibuze ukuba yintoni ekufuneka uyilawule ngaphakathi kwakho. Coca ngaphakathi, okokuqala.
Umda:
UHofmann, W.; UFriese, M. & Strack, F. (2009) Impembelelo kunye nokuzeyisa kuVimba weeNkqubo ezimbini. Ukujonga i-Psychol Sci; 4 (2): 162-176.
IHershfield, H. et. Al. (2009) Sukuyeka ukucinga ngomso: Ukwahluka komntu ngamnye kwiakhawunti yokuqhubekeka ngokuzayo yokugcina. UJudgm Decis Mak; 1; 4 (4): 280-286.
Umnyango Abo bangakwaziyo ukuzibamba bazama ukulawula abanye yaqala ukupapashwa ngo Ikhonkco lePsychology.
