Inkampani yethu ixabisa ukungaguquguquki. Ukungaguquguquki, ukuzinza kunye nokuqina kuyanconywa amaxabiso ngelixa ukungahambelani, ukungazinzi kunye nokuthatha isigqibo kuba ziinqobo ezingalunganga ekufuneka ziphetshwe. Kodwa indalo yomntu ayisoloko ilandela imigaqo yentlalo. I-ambivalence ihlala kumntu ngamnye wethu. Sinako ukuthanda kwaye singathandi ngaxeshanye, sithande kwaye sithiye, sifune kwaye sigatye.
Xa kuvela ezo mvakalelo ziphikisanayo zisityhalela kumacala ahlukeneyo, sihlala sifumana impixano. Asipheleli nje ekusokoleni ukuqonda oko sikufuna ngokwenene ukuze senze ngokufanelekileyo, kodwa sikwaziva sibi malunga nokungavisisani kwethu. Siziva sinetyala ngokujonga kwelinye icala kuba kucingelwa ukuba akufuneki siyenze loo nto.
Yintoni i-ambivalence echaphazelekayo?
I-ambivalence ibhekisa kungquzulwano ngokwasengqondweni phakathi kovavanyo oluchasayo, iimpembelelo kunye notyekelo, oluhlala lubonwa njengengxoxo phakathi kweendlela ezizezinye ezivelisa umtsalane kunye nokwaliwa kwiindawo ezilinganayo. I-ambivalence esebenzayo, ngakumbi, ithetha amava ngaxeshanye iimvakalelo neemvakalelo i-positive kunye nechasi entweni okanye emntwini.
Le meko yengqondo, ebandakanya ukukrazulwa phakathi kweempembelelo ezichasayo, yinxalenye engenakuphepheka yobukho bethu. Enyanisweni, sinokufumana ukungqubana kweemvakalelo kwiindawo ezininzi, ukusuka ekutyeni ukuya ekuqhomfeni, ukuya euthanasia, ekusetyenzisweni kotywala kwaye, ngokuqinisekileyo, kwabanye abantu okanye amaqela.
Umgibe wothando / intiyo
Oko kufuna kunye nokungafuni kuvelisa ukutyhala ngokwengqondo kunye nokutsalwa okunokuthi ekugqibeleni kusibeke kuvavanyo ukuba luhlala ixesha elide. I-ambivalence esebenzayo isigcina sikhubazekile kwi-balance balance. Sidlala ngezo mvakalelo zingqubanayo, ukuze singashukumi nakweliphi na icala, asenzi zigqibo. Kambe ke, loo meko isenokudimaza ngokweemvakalelo ekuhambeni kwexesha.
Eneneni, ukungqubana ngokweemvakalelo kudla ngokukhatshwa kukuxhalaba okukhulu. Ukufuna nokungafuni, ukuthanda kunye nentiyo ngaxeshanye, kuvelisa ukungazinzi ngokweemvakalelo okusenza sizive sibi. Oko kungavani, nangona kunjalo, akubangelwa kukungavisisani kodwa kukungakwazi kwethu ukujongana neemvakalelo ezingqubanayo.
Xa sikholelwa ukuba kufuneka sihlale sinayo yonke into ecacileyo kwaye sikucaphukela ukungenzi sigqibo, ukungaboni ngasonye kuyasikhathaza kakhulu kuba kuyaphikisana nomfanekiso esinawo ngathi. Isixelela ukuba asitshintshi kwaye asitshintshi njengoko sicinga. Olo kuphazamiseka ngokwasengqondweni kuvelisa uxinzelelo lwangaphakathi olusiqhubela ekubeni senze isigqibo, kodwa ekubeni kungenakwenzeka kuthi, siphela siziva sibi ngakumbi, sivaleleke kuloo nto yokufuna kunye nokungafuni.
Konke oku kubonakala kwindlela esiziphethe ngayo. Uphononongo olwenziwa kwiYunivesithi yaseAmsterdam lubonise ukuba abantu abaye bafumana i-ambivalence malunga nokusebenza komzimba okanye ukutya okunempilo babenobunzima bokuphila ubomi obunempilo, ngelixa abo babeqinisekile ngeenzuzo zayo abazange babe nobunzima obungako ekutshintsheni imikhwa yomntu. I-ambivalence isigweba kwimeko yokukhubazeka apho utshintsho lungenandawo.
Ukuqonda izizathu zokungavisisani ngokweemvakalelo, isitshixo sokuyoyisa
I-ambivalence esebenzayo ayoyiswa kukulwa kodwa ngokuyiqonda. Uluntu lwethu lwaseNtshona, ngokungafaniyo neenkcubeko zaseMpuma, luye lwaphembelela ukucinga okungafaniyo okusenza sikholelwe ukuba uthando nentiyo ziimvakalelo ezichasayo ngokugqibeleleyo. Kule meko, kubonakala kungenakwenzeka kuthi ukuthetha ngokucaphukela umntu esimthandayo ngaphandle kokuphikisana okusengqiqweni.
Noko ke, enyanisweni uthando nentiyo ziziphelo zomgca omnye. Uphononongo olwenziwe e I-South China iYunivesithi yesiqhelo yafumanisa ukuba okukhona simthanda umntu, kokukhona sinokuba nentiyo ngakumbi ukuba ulwalamano luyaphela.
Aba baphandi bagqibe kwelokuba "Uthando lunzulu, ngakumbi intiyo". Ngapha koko, sithiye kuphela eyona nto ibalulekileyo kuthi. Ngoko ke, uthando lunokuba ngumhlaba ochumileyo apho intiyo ikhula khona. Xa uthando lujika lube muncu, lunokujika lube yintiyo. Kwezi meko, intiyo isebenza ukusa kumlinganiselo othile ukuze isigcine sinamathele kuloo mntu xa ezinye iindlela zivaliwe. Ngokusisiseko, inceda ukugcina unxibelelwano olunamandla lweemvakalelo oluveliswa lubudlelwane bothando.
Ukuba sijika umgca wothando / intiyo ube isangqa, siya kuqonda ukuba ezi zinto zigqithisayo zinokuchukumisa omnye komnye, ngoko akukho ngqiqweni ukuziva uthando kunye nentiyo ngaxeshanye, ngakumbi xa sigxile kwimiba eyahlukeneyo yomntu okanye imeko. .
Umzekelo, ukungqubana ngokweemvakalelo kwiqabane kunokuzibonakalisa xa sicinga ngeempawu ezithile esitsaleleka kuzo kuloo mntu, njengokuthandana kwabo kunye nenqanaba lokuthomalalisa, kwaye, ngokulandelayo, sikhumbule ezinye iimpawu esizithiyileyo, njengokungalungelelaniswa. okanye uyalibala.
Sinokubeka zonke iimvakalelo zethu kwindawo eqhubekayo apho siqwalasela kuphela indlela eziziqhelanisa ngayo xa sizifumana. Ngokwaloo mbono, ukufumana uthando kunye nentiyo okanye umtsalane kunye nokuchaswa kusixelela nje ukuba sikwinqanaba elintsonkothileyo ebomini bethu apho kufuneka sime kwaye sicinge ngoko kwenzekayo kuthi. I-ambivalence, njengazo naziphi na ezinye iimvakalelo, luphawu nje ekufuneka silwamkele kwaye siluphonononge.
I-ambivalence esebenzayo ayiyongxaki ukuba asiyenzi ingxaki. Kulapho kuphela okusikhumbuza ukuba singabantu, ukuba sinamathandabuzo kunye neemvakalelo ezixubeneyo. Kwaye oku akukho nto imbi. Ngokwahlukileyo koko, isenokuba yinjini esiqhubela ekubeni sizazi ngakumbi size sizamkele njengoko sikuko.
Umda:
Conner, M. et. Al. (2021) Ukungahambelani kweNgcaciso kunye ne-Ambivalence: Impembelelo kwisimo sengqondo esipheleleyo - Ubudlelwane bokuziphatha. Pers Soc Psychol Bull; 47 (4): 673-687.
Jin, W. et. Al. (2017) Inzulu yothando, inzulu intiyo. Ingqondo yangaphambili; fpsyg.2017.01940.
Schneider, IK et. Al. (2015) Indlela ye-ambivalence: ukulandelela ukutsalwa kovavanyo oluchasayo usebenzisa iitrajethi zemouse. Ingqondo yangaphambili; fpsyg.2015.00996.
Umnyango I-ambivalence esebenzayo, xa uthanda kwaye uthiye ngaxeshanye yaqala ukupapashwa ngo Ikhonkco lePsychology.
