“Awuzikhathazi nganto”
“Utshona kwiglasi yamanzi”
“Uyayibaxa”
“Uyithatha njengento ebaluleke kakhulu”
Kusenokwenzeka ukuba izihlandlo ezininzi uye waweva la mabinzana okanye ude uphume emlonyeni wakho. Ngamanye amaxesha la mabinzana anenjongo yokunceda, ukukhuthaza umntu ukuba abe namandla, kodwa ngokubanzi anempembelelo echaseneyo njengoko efihla imbewu yeukungasebenzi ngokweemvakalelo.
Ukunganyaniseki ngokweemvakalelo kwenzeka xa umntu esala, engahoyi, okanye esala i iimvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo yomntu. Ithumela umyalezo wokuba le nto uyivayo ayifanelekanga, ayifanelekanga, okanye ayifanelanga kuqwalaselwa.
Enyanisweni, sonke sisenokuba sisiqhwala ngamathuba athile, mhlawumbi ngenxa yokuba sixakeke gqitha ziingxaki zethu okanye ngenxa yokuba asiyazi indlela yokuhlangabezana neemvakalelo ezisonganyelwa ziimvakalelo. Ingxaki kuxa ukungasebenzi ngokweemvakalelo kuba yipateni ezinzileyo ekuhambeni kwexesha. Kule meko, inokuba luhlobo lwe ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo leyo kufuneka ichongwe ukuze iphele ngokukhawuleza.
Ezona ntlobo zixhaphakileyo zokunganyanzelwa ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane
1. Ukunciphisa amazwe achaphazelekayo
Olona hlobo luxhaphake kakhulu lokunganyanzelwa ngokweemvakalelo kukunciphisa iimvakalelo, iimvakalelo kunye neenkxalabo zabanye. Ukuba sibona umntu lusizi, nostalgic, lusizi okanye ixhala, endaweni ukuzama ukuzibeka ezihlangwini zabo ukuqonda ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kubo kunye nendlela abaziva ngayo, sisuka nje sithi: “ayiyonto”, “ungaxhalabi”, “andiboni apho ingxaki ikhoyo” okanye “wenza isaqhwithi ngekomityi yeti”.
La mabinzana adlulisela ingcamango yokuba iingxaki zomnye azibalulekanga kangako okanye akufanelekanga ukuba ziqwalaselwe. Ngokubanzi, olu hlobo lokungasebenzi ngokweemvakalelo ludla ngokuzibonakalisa ngobuvila obulula kuba kulula kakhulu ukunciphisa imimandla echaphazelekayo yabanye kunokuba wenze umzamo wengqondo oyimfuneko wokuzibeka endaweni yabo. Kakade ke, umntu ngokwenene "unokutshona kwikomityi yeti", kodwa ukunciphisa iingxaki zakhe akusayi kumnceda ukuba ahlale emanzini.
2. Ukulahlwa ngokweemvakalelo
Ukulahlwa ngokweemvakalelo lolunye uhlobo oluxhaphakileyo lokunganyanzelwa. Enyanisweni, kwenzeka rhoqo kubantwana. Xa sixelela abantwana oko "amadoda alili", umzekelo, sizenza zingasebenzi iimvakalelo ezisemva kokukhala. Kuyenzeka naxa sixelela umntu "Ukhalela obu bubhanxa?" okanye “awufanelanga uzive ngolu hlobo”.
Ukwaliwa ngokweemvakalelo kuqhelekile ngenxa yokungakwazi kwethu ukulawula iimeko zethu ezithintekayo kunye nezabanye. Ukuba asizithandi izinto ezibonakaliswa ngokweemvakalelo, siya kuba notyekelo lokubugatya kanye ubukho bazo. Ewe, ukubandezeleka, intlungu okanye ukungcungcutheka komnye kudla ngokubangela ukungonwabi okukhulu kwabo bakubonayo oko, kangangokuba amaxesha amaninzi asinakucinga ngenye indlela yokukhupha loo mvakalelo ngaphandle kokuphikisa iimvakalelo zomnye.
3. Ukugweba umntu ngokweemvakalelo zakhe
Iimvakalelo zikhona. Ziyimpendulo ezenzekelayo kwiimeko ezibalulekileyo. Akukho mvakalelo “elungileyo” okanye “embi,” kodwa ukubonakaliswa kwazo ngendlela engafanelekanga. Kuba le jaji amazwe affective yenye, ngamabinzana ezifana “ubuthathaka kakhulu”, “ungabi sisidenge, akufunekanga usabele ngolo hlobo” okanye “ubuthathaka kakhulu” lolunye lolona hlobo lubi lokunganyangeki ngokweemvakalelo.
Ngale ndlela asimncedi omnye umntu, kodwa siye sibenze mandundu ukungakhululeki kwabo kuba abaziva beqondwa okanye bengaxhaswa. Ngokwahlukileyo koko, uvakalelwa kukuba uyagwetywa aze agxekwe ngendlela avakalelwa ngayo. Ukuba sizama ukuzibeka kwimeko yakhe, sisenokukwazi ukufumanisa ukuba unesizathu esingaphezu kwesaneleyo sokukhathazeka, ukuba nomsindo, okanye ukudakumba okanye ukuphoxeka. Iimvakalelo aziyombonakaliso yobuthathaka kodwa zobuntu.
4. Ukutshintsha ingqiqo yeemvakalelo
Olunye lweentlobo ezifihlakeleyo zokunganyangeki ngokweemvakalelo kukwenza umntu akholelwe ukuba akayiva le nto ayivayo ngokwenene. Kuxhaphakile xa iimvakalelo ezivakaliswayo zihlelwa “njengezingalunganga” kwaye azijongelwanga phantsi ngokwentlalo. Iintetho ezifana "Awunamsindo, ukhathazekile nje" ziphazamisa imvakalelo yangaphambili, zithobe ubunzulu bayo.
Nokuba amabinzana afana "yiza, ungabi lusizi, zikhuphe, yomelela" bafihla umzamo wokungasebenzi, njengoko umntu ezama ukutshintsha into avakalelwa ngayo ukuze abe nemvakalelo eyamkelekileyo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, kukho iimeko apho kufuneka silawule iimvakalelo zethu kwaye siqhubele phambili ekusebenzeni ngokuguquguqukayo, kodwa xa iimvakalelo zisongamela, ukuzama ukuzicinezela ngokubeka abanye endaweni yazo kukhokelela kunxunguphalo olungakumbi.
5. Ukwala ilungelo lokuva
Kule meko akukho mzamo wokunciphisa imvakalelo, kodwa iyanqatshwa ngokuthe ngqo. Ibinzana "Awunalungelo lokuziva ngolo hlobo" ngumzekelo wolu hlobo lokuqinisekisa ngokweemvakalelo kuba yenza kucace emntwini ukuba ukusabela kwabo akwamkelekanga kwaphela. Nokuba amabinzana afana “inokuba ibimbi kakhulu”, “ayiyonto” okanye “ukuba ubuyazi into endidlule kuyo” zithetha ukugatywa okufihlakeleyo kwaloo mvakalelo.
Isigidimi esisisiseko esifunyanwa ngumntu sesokuba akafanele avakalelwe ngendlela ethile ngenxa yokuba akanalungelo, ingcamango edlulisela kungekuphela nje indelelo kodwa kwanokuzingca nowongamileyo. Nxibelelana ngokungathandabuzekiyo ukuba amava aloo mntu ngokweemvakalelo akasebenzi ngenxa yokuba kukho umntu onegunya lokugqiba ngendlela afanele avakalelwe ngayo.
Ukunganyaniseki ngokweemvakalelo, ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo, kugqiba ukwenza ukuba omnye azive eyedwa, engaqondwa kakuhle, engabonakali kwaye encinci. Xa sizijongela phantsi, sizijongela phantsi okanye sizikhanyela iimvakalelo zabanye, sinegalelo ekukhuleni kwabo. Ezo mvakalelo ziya kuhlala zifumana indlela yokuzibonakalisa kwaye zihlala ziphuma ngeyona ndlela imbi, ngoxinzelelo okanye ukugqabhuka ngokweemvakalelo.
Ngokusisiseko, olu hlobo lwentetho yinzame yokubuyisela umntu kwiindawo ezithintekayo ekulula ukuba sizilawule. Ingxaki kukuba badla ngokuqala ngokukhanyela imeko yantlandlolo, bayenze ingasebenzi into aziva ngayo loo mntu. Ngesi sizathu kubalulekile ukuba sifunde ukukhululeka ngakumbi kwiintetho zeemvakalelo, ngakumbi ezo sizihlela "njengezingalunganga".
Oku akuthethi ukuba asifanele sizame ukuthuthuzela abanye okanye ukuba singasenakuthetha nto, kodwa sifanele sicingisise ngaphambi kokuba sithethe size sikwenze oko ngovelwano olunzulu, siqiniseke ukuba sishukunyiswa ngumnqweno onyanisekileyo wokunceda omnye. .
Xa sizibeka kuvelwano, siyayeka ukugweba, ukuthoba okanye ukucinezela iimvakalelo zabanye kwaye, endaweni yokubanika ingcebiso engacelwanga, sibanika igxalaba lobuhlobo kwaye ngokulula sithi: “Ndiyakubona uyagula, ndingakunceda ngantoni?”
Umnyango Iindidi ezi-5 zokungasebenzi ngokweemvakalelo ezenza umonakalo omkhulu yaqala ukupapashwa ngo Ikhonkco lePsychology.
