Abazali bafundisa kwaye bakhokele abantwana babo kangangoko banako. Maxa wambi, xa imeko ibacinezelayo okanye beziva bedidekile, baye baphethukele kwingqiqo okanye basebenzise “ubulumko babantu,” basebenzisa oko bakholelwa ukuba kuchanile okanye abakufundiswe ngabazali xa babeselula.
Noko ke, elinye icebiso elivela kubazali lisiya ebantwaneni linokuba nomphumo owonakalisayo engqondweni yomntwana yaye, endaweni yokukhupha amandla alo apheleleyo, ekugqibeleni liyidodobalisa. Ilizwi labazali, enyanisweni, linokuba lilizwi langaphakathi elihamba nathi kubo bonke ubomi bethu.
Alithandabuzeki elokuba inkoliso yabazali ifuna abantwana babo baphumelele ebomini, ngoko bazama ukudlulisela izimo zengqondo neendlela zokwenza izinto ezibanceda bafikelele olo sukelo. Kodwa ukuphumelela akusosiqinisekiso solonwabo okanye impilo-ntle ngokweemvakalelo. Ngoko ke, amacebiso amaninzi omzali nomntwana aye adluliselwa ukusuka kwesinye isizukulwana ukuya kwesinye anokujika abe ziinkolelo ezichaseneyo nezisikel’ umda.
Icebiso labazali kubantwana babo lokuba kubhetele baphinde bachaze
Icebiso 1. Cinga kwangaphambili. Gxininisa emvuzweni.
Yintoni esifanele simxelele yona? Gxininisa apha kwaye ngoku.
Ingqondo ehlala igxininise kwixesha elizayo - kuqala ukufumana amanqaku amahle, emva koko ukubhalisa kwiyunivesiti efanelekileyo, kwaye ekugqibeleni ufumane umsebenzi ofanelekileyo - iya kuba yinto enokuthambekela ngakumbi kwiimali ezinkulu zoxinzelelo kunye nokuxhalaba. Nangona kukho ezininzi iintlobo zoxinzelelo kunye ne-dose ye-eustress inokusebenza njenge-arhente ekhuthazayo, uxinzelelo olungapheliyo olugcinwe ixesha elide lonakalisa impilo yethu kunye nemisebenzi yokuqonda, echaphazela ukusebenza kwethu. Ngoko ke, ukufundisa abantwana ukuba banikel’ ingqalelo kwikamva nakwinto abanokuyiphumeza sisigwebo sobomi bonke soxinezeleko.
Enyanisweni, ukugxila kuphela kwiinjongo kuthetha ukuhlala nabantu abangaboniyo. Ukukhangela phambili kuyasithintela ekuboneni amathuba asingqongileyo kwaye, ngaphezu kwako konke, kunciphisa ukukwazi kwethu ukonwabela okwalapha nangoku. Ngoko ke, abantwana bangonwaba ngakumbi ukuba sibavumela ukuba benze into ezenzekelayo kubo: gxininisa kwixesha langoku kwaye ukusebenzise kangangoko. Umyalezo ekufuneka bawuqonde kukuba akufuneki babeke ulonwabo lwabo namhlanje ngenjongo yekamva.
Icebiso lesi-2. Uxinzelelo alunakuphepheka. Qhubeka uzama.
Yintoni esifanele simxelele yona? Funda ukuphumla.
Iziphazamiso zokuxhalaba zifunyaniswa besebancinane ngenxa yokuba abantwana baziva becinezelekile ukuba baphile ngokwezinto ezilindelwe ngabazali babo kunye noluntu ngokubanzi. Akukho mathandabuzo okuba ubomi buza nedosi yoxinzelelo kwaye kubalulekile ukuba abantwana bakhule ngokwaneleyo ukunyamezeleka koxinzelelo oko kubavumela ukuba bajongane neemeko ezinzima, kodwa umyalezo ekufuneka sibathumelele wona asikuko ukuba bazityhalele emkhawulweni kodwa kukuba bafunde ukuphumla ngaphambi kokuba bafikelele kwinqanaba lokuqhawula.
Akunanzuzo ukuhlala kwindawo yokugcwala rhoqo, kunye neeshedyuli ezixakekileyo ezifuna ukusetyenziswa kwezinto ezivuselelayo ukuze ukwazi ukugcina isigqi esinamandla angaphezu kwawomntu ngelixa ebusuku zisetyenziselwa ukukwazi ukulala. Eneneni, ayizange ifane into yokuba uhlolisiso olwenziwa kwiYunivesithi yaseHelsinki lubonise ukuba abantwana abanabazali abanengxaki yokugula. i-burnout syndrome kusenokwenzeka ukuba babandezeleke ngakumbi esikolweni. Kwaye ukuthanda ukugqibelela kunye noxinzelelo nazo zigqithiselwe. Ngoko ke, esona sipho sihle abazali banokusipha abantwana babo kukubafundisa iindlela zokuphumla kubantwana okubavumela ukuba baphephe uxinzelelo olungeyomfuneko.
Icebiso lesi-3. Yandisa amandla akho. Zama ukungenzi iimpazamo.
Yintoni esifanele simxelele yona? Yenza iimpazamo kwaye ufunde ukungaphumeleli.
Abazali, njengabantu abaninzi, badla ngokuncamathisela iilebhile. Ngoko ke, akumangalisi ukuba ekugqibeleni bebaxa izakhono ezithile zabantwana babo ngoxa bebenza buthathaka abanye. Ukuba baphawula ukuba umntwana wabo unesiphiwo esikhethekileyo kwizibalo okanye kwezemidlalo, baya kumkhuthaza ukuba asukele oku. Ekuqaleni, akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngaloo nto. Nangona kunjalo, esi simo sengqondo sikhuthaza oko kubizwa ngokuba "yingqondo ezinzileyo", ukwenzela ukuba abantwana bangakwazi ukuhlola kunye nokufumanisa izinto ezintsha.
Xa umntwana enconywa ngokuba yimbaleki okanye enobuchule kwizibalo, kuya kuba lula ukuba aphume kuyo indawo yokuthuthuzela kwaye, umzekelo, azive ephefumlelwe ukubhala umbongo okanye ukuthatha inxaxheba kumdlalo weqonga. Aba bantwana baphinde bakhathazeke ngakumbi xa kukho into engahambi kakuhle kwaye abafane bafune imingeni emitsha kuba bakhetha ukunamathela kwinto abayaziyo, into "abaphumeleleyo kuyo".
Yingakho kubalulekile ukuba abantwana bafunde ukujamelana nemingeni emitsha, benze iimpazamo, bazame ukuphuhlisa izakhono ezitsha kwaye, ngokuqinisekileyo, bayasilela. Iingcali zengqondo kwiDyunivesithi yase-Illinois zifumanise ukuba abantwana baya kubonakalisa isimo sengqondo esinethemba ngakumbi kunye nenzondelelo malunga nemingeni ukuba bayazi ukuba bafuna ukwenza umzamo omncinci okanye bazame kwakhona. Ukongeza, abayi kufane bazive bebi xa kukho into engahambi ngokwesicwangciso.
Icebiso lesi-4. Musa ukuba nobubele kuwe.
Yintoni esifanele simxelele yona? Ziphathe ngovelwano.
Uninzi lwabantu lungabagxeki kunye nabagwebi babo. Nangona ukuzigxeka kulungile ekukhuleni nasekufundeni kwiimpazamo zethu, xa kugqithise kakhulu kunokukhubazeka, kusifake kumjikelo wokunganeliseki, ukungxola nokuzisola apho siphela sicinga ukuba asifanelekanga okanye asixabisekanga.
Ngelishwa, abazali abaninzi bakholelwa ukuba eyona ndlela yokufundisa abantwana babo kukubenza amaSpartans. Ngoko baphela sele begxeka kakhulu yaye bebafundisa ukuba baziphathe ngqwabalala. Kodwa ukuzigxeka ngokugqithiseleyo kunokujikela ekubeni sizijongele phantsi, kujongele phantsi ukuzithemba kwethu kuze kubangele uloyiko olunzulu lokungaphumeleli.
Endaweni yoko, icebiso elihle elivela kubazali lisiya ebantwaneni lelokuba bafunde ukuphathana ngemfesane, oko akuthethi kuthi uzisizele okanye uvale amehlo ngezinto esizenzayo, kodwa simele siziphathe ngendlela ebesiya kuphatha ngayo umhlobo ngamaxesha obunzima. ukusilela okanye intlungu. Kuthetha ukukwazi ukuzithanda naxa senze impazamo, ukufumana indawo efudumeleyo nekhululekileyo ngaphakathi kuthi esinokuziva sikhuselekile kuyo.
Icebiso lesi-5. Musa ukubonakalisa iimvakalelo zakho. Ukukhala kwababuthathaka.
Yintoni esifanele simxelele yona? Funda ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho.
Ubomi abunabulungisa. Inkoliso yabazali iyakwazi oku, yaye ngenxa yaloo mvakalelo inamandla yokhuseleko, iyoyikela ukuba abanye baya kubenzakalisa abantwana babo. Luloyiko oluqondakalayo, kodwa ukubafundisa ukuzifihla iimvakalelo zabo akuyi kubakhusela. Umva. Iimvakalelo ezinjengosizi zisebenza njengesincedisi sentlalo ngokukhuthaza abanye ukuba basondele ukuze banikele uncedo nenkxaso.
Ukucela abantwana ukuba bangalili, bangaphoxwa sisipho abangasithandiyo, okanye ukubanyanzela ukuba bancamise umntu abaziva bengakhululekanga naye, kuthetha ukubakhulula ngokuthe ngcembe kwiimvakalelo zabo. Oku akusayi kubanceda ukuba babalawule ngcono, kodwa kuya kuququzelela inkqubo yokuqokelelana ngokweemvakalelo eya kuthi ekugqibeleni ivelise ukungoneliseki okunzulu kwaye iya kubeka uxinzelelo kubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu.
Endaweni yoko, kufuneka sifundise abantwana ukuba iimvakalelo azizontshaba kwaye akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngokuba buhlungu, ukuphoxeka, ukudakumba okanye nokuba nomsindo. Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukufumana unobangela wezo mvakalelo kwaye ufunde ukuzivakalisa ngokuqiniseka. Ngale ndlela unako phuhlisa ubukrelekrele beemvakalelo zabantwana ukuze babe ngabantu abakhulu abaxhathisayo xa bejamelene nezibetho eziqatha zobomi.
Umda:
Salmena-Aro, K. et. Al. (2011) Abazali 'basebenza ngokudinwa kunye nokudinwa kwesikolo kwabafikisayo': Ngaba bayabelana? Ijenali yaseYurophu ye-Psychology yoPhuculo; 8 (2): 215-227.
UDweck, CS, & Leggett, EL (1988) Indlela yokuqonda intlalo yokukhuthaza kunye nobuntu. Ukuphononongwa kwengqondo; 95 (2): 256-273.
Umnyango Iingcebiso ezi-5 ezimbi zomzali nomntwana- mhlawumbi uzinikiwe yaqala ukupapashwa ngo Ikhonkco lePsychology.
