Nthawi zina zimakhala zovuta kupeza mawu abwino otonthoza munthu. Kupeza mawu olondola pa nthawi yoyenera kuti mumveke bwino ndi luso lomwe anthu ochepa amadziwa. Chotsatira chake, nthawi zina kuyesa kutonthoza wina kumalephera momvetsa chisoni ndipo pamapeto pake kumawonjezera chisoni, kukhumudwa ndi kutaya mtima.
Katswiri wa zamaganizo Susan Silk anakumanapo ndi zimenezi. Atazindikira kuti ali ndi khansa ya m’mawere, analandira mawu ambiri osagwira mtima ndiponso mawu achitonthozo amene sanam’tonthoze. Panalinso anthu amene ankamutsitsa mtolo wawo, zomwe zinkamuwonjezera kulemera kwake.
Kenako anazindikira kuti kutonthoza ndi kutonthozedwa n’kofunika kwambiri, koma n’kovuta. Anthu ambiri, ali ndi zolinga zabwino, amatha kuchita zoipa zambiri kuposa zabwino pofuna kutonthoza ena. Ichi ndichifukwa chake adapanga 'Ring Theory' ndi Barry Goldman, yomwe akufuna kuthandiza anthu kumvetsetsa ndikugwiritsa ntchito luso lotonthoza ndi kutonthozedwa.
Kodi chiphunzitso cha “ring” ndi chiyani?
Lingaliro la "ring" limayamba kuzungulira mabwalo odalirana momwe timayenda tsiku ndi tsiku. Kuti muyigwiritse ntchito, choyamba ndikuzindikira maukonde othandizira omwe akupezeka kwa munthu yemwe akukumana ndi vuto lopwetekedwa mtima.
Imeneyi ndi njira yosavuta yodziŵira nthaŵi yopereka chitonthozo ndi kutithandiza kuchilandira pamene tikuchifuna kwambiri. Ndiwovomerezeka pamavuto amtundu uliwonse, kuyambira pamavuto azaumoyo mpaka mavuto azachuma komanso mikangano yachikondi kapena yomwe ilipo.
Kuti tigwiritse ntchito tiyenera kuyamba ndi kujambula bwalo loyamba, lomwe lidzakhala mphete yapakati. Mkati mwa bwalolo tiyenera kulemba dzina la munthu amene akukumana ndi zowawa kapena zovuta.
Ndiye tiyeni tijambule bwalo lachiwiri lalikulu mozungulira loyambalo. Pa mpheteyo timalembapo dzina la munthu wapafupi kwambiri ndi amene akuvutika ndi vutolo, monga mnzake kapena mwana.
Kenaka, timajambula bwalo lachitatu, koma nthawi ino timalembamo mayina a anthu apamtima, monga makolo kapena mabwenzi apamtima.
Pomaliza timajambula bwalo lachinayi ndikulemba mkati mwake mayina a anthu omwe sali oyandikana kwambiri koma omwe angathandize mwanjira ina, monga achibale akutali, ogwira nawo ntchito kapena oyandikana nawo.
Mwanjira iyi, sitimangopanga chithunzithunzi cha maukonde othandizira omwe amapezeka kwa munthuyo, koma timazindikiranso malo omwe timadzipeza tokha.
Lamulo: tonthozani omwe akhudzidwa kwambiri, funani chitonthozo kwa omwe akhudzidwa kwambiri
Pokumbukira mabwalo ozungulirawo, lamulo loti mugwiritse ntchito ndilosavuta: m'kati mwa mabwalo amkati chitonthozo chimaperekedwa, kunja komwe munthu akufunafuna. Omwe akhudzidwa kwambiri ayenera kutonthozedwa pomwe omwe akhudzidwa kwambiri ayenera kutonthozedwa. Ndi zophweka choncho.
Munthu amene ali pakati pa bwalo akhoza kunena chilichonse chomwe angafune kwa wina aliyense mgululi, nthawi iliyonse, kulikonse. Munthu ameneyo akukumana ndi zovuta ndipo amafunikira chithandizo ndi kutsimikiziridwa, kotero amaloledwa kudandaula za tsoka lawo kapena chisalungamo.
Zoonadi, sizitanthauza kudyetsera mkhalidwe wovutitsidwa kosatha kapena wogonja, koma tiyenera kumvetsetsa kuti nthaŵi zambiri tisanadzuke, timafunikira kunyambita mabala athu. Tonsefe timakhala ndi machiritso osiyanasiyana, ndipo koyambirira kumakhala kwachilendo kwa ife kukhumudwa, kukhumudwa kapena kukhumudwa. Choncho, mu mphindi zoyamba pambuyo pa zovuta, munthuyo amangofunika kuchita catharsis, choncho chitonthozo chabwino ndikumvetsera.
N’zoona kuti nthawi zina mavuto a anthu ena amatikhudzanso ndipo tingakhumudwe, kukhumudwa kapena kukhumudwa. Ndi zachilendo. Koma kutaya malingaliro amenewo mwachindunji kwa anthu okhudzidwa kwambiri sikungathandize aliyense. Zidzangowonjezera ululu ndi zowawa.
M'malo mwake, titha kufunafuna chitonthozo kwa anthu omwe ali m'magulu akuluakulu chifukwa pokhala kutali ndi vuto lomwe timaganiza kuti ali nawo. mtunda wamaganizidwe zofunika kutithandiza kusamalira malingaliro athu.
Mwachidule, tiyenera kukhala omveka bwino kuti tikamalankhula ndi munthu yemwe ali mu bwalo laling'ono kuposa lathu, wina pafupi ndi pakati pa zovutazo, cholinga chathu chachikulu ndikuwathandiza, osati kuwonjezera kukhumudwa, kutaya mtima kapena kusasamala.
Kodi kutonthoza mtima?
Pamene munthu akufunika kutonthozedwa ndi bwino kuyeseza kumvetsera mwachidwi. M’pofunika kupeŵa chiyeso cha kupereka uphungu chifukwa nthaŵi zambiri sikofunikira ndi ngozi zogwa m’makutu ogontha kapena, choipitsitsabe, kukhala wokwiyitsidwa kapena kuoneka wopondereza. Munthu amene akuvutika amangofunika kumumva ndi kukhala ndi phewa kuti akulira. M’malo momutonthoza pomuuza zimene takumana nazo m’mbuyomo kapena kumuuza zimene tingachite m’malo mwake, tingachite bwino kutsimikizira mmene akumvera mumtima mwake ndi kumufunsa mmene tingamuthandizire.
Mwina munthu ameneyo amafuna munthu woti aziyenda naye kuti asiye nthunzi kapena kuti azisamalira ana kapena ziweto kwa maola angapo. Kapena mwina akufunika kutuluka ndi kusokonezedwa kapena wina woti amutengere kuchipatala. Kukhala wothandiza, momwe kungathekere, sikumangotanthauza kuchita zinthu mwachidwi, komanso kusonyeza kuti mulipo ndi kupereka chithandizo chopanda malire. Ndipo nthawi zina ndizomwe zimafunika kuti mutuluke muvutoli.
Chitsime:
Silk, S. Goldman, B. (2013) Momwe munganene zinthu zolakwika. Mu: Los Angeles Times.
Pakhomo Lamulo lamaganizidwe lotonthoza komanso kutonthozedwa popanda kulakwitsa idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.
