"Kukadapanda kutero, zonse zikadakhala zabwino". "Ndimadzipereka kwambiri ndipo ndi momwe zimandithandizira." "Zimandikwiyitsa akapanga izi." Mndandanda wazodandaula zamalingaliro a ena ndizosatha. Ndani akudziwa, mwina mungafune kuti makolo anu azimvetsetsa, okondedwa anu azikhala olondola, anzanu azikuthandizani kwambiri, anzanu ogwira nawo ntchito limodzi, abwenzi anu abwenzi ...
Anthu akakhala kuti sachita malinga ndi zomwe mukuyembekezera, zimakhumudwitsa kwambiri. Mosakayikira, ndizokhumudwitsa kuti samazindikira zomwe mumawachitira kapena kuti sawabwezera momwemonso. Koma kudandaula za malingaliro a ena, pazonse zomwe ayenera kuchita koma osachita kapena pazonse zomwe amachita komanso zomwe sayenera kuchita, ndiye njira yotsimikizika kwambiri yakukhalira osakhutira mpaka kalekale.
Chowonadi ndi chakuti, tonsefe tili ndi mbali zina za umunthu wathu zomwe tifunika kusintha. Tonse titha kukhala achifundo, omvetsetsa, othandiza, ochezeka, ogwirizana, kapena osamala. Komabe, titha kungodzisintha tokha. Sitingasinthe ena. Ndipo tikamvetsetsa msanga, zimakhala bwino.
"Alaliki" okhala ndi tsankho lodzikonda
Timakonda kuganiza kuti ngati ena atakhala ngati ife, zonse zikhala bwino. Uku ndikulakwitsa. Dziko lapansi likusowa kusiyanasiyana. Chilichonse ndichofanana mosiyana. Izi zikutanthauza kuti pali malo pachilichonse komanso aliyense. Zomwe timakonda komanso zomwe sitimakonda. Zomwe zimatisangalatsa komanso zomwe zimatipweteka.
Zowonadi, kuganiza kuti ena azichita ngati ife kumachokera pachikhulupiriro chakuti zisankho zathu zokha, malingaliro athu ndi zomwe tili nazo ndizabwino, zoyamikirika komanso zoyenera kuzitsanzira. Ndi ena omwe amalakwitsa ndikuyenera kusintha. Chifukwa chake timakhala pachiwopsezo chokhala "alaliki" omwe "amalalikira bwino koma amakalipira". Sitizindikira kuti mwanjira imeneyi timadzitsutsa tokha kulephera pasadakhale chifukwa sitingathe kusintha ena ngati sadzipereka kuti asintha.
Mwachitsanzo, makolo amatha kuphunzitsa ana awo powapatsira zina ndi zina, koma izi sizitanthauza kuti atha kuwapanga m'chifaniziro chawo ndi mawonekedwe awo, osatinso kuti ali momwe angafunire. Munthu aliyense ndiwodziyimira pawokha ndipo ayenera kupanga zisankho zawo pawokha.
Izi sizitanthauza kuti tiyenera kuvutika ndi maubale kapena kuti tiyenera kuvomereza pakunyoza, kutinyoza kapena kuchititsa manyazi ena. Mavuto ndi mikangano imabuka muubwenzi wonse womwe umafunikira kuwongoleredwa ndikuwongolera kuti pakhale mgwirizano.
Sitiyenera kubisa zomwe timaganiza kapena kunyalanyaza zinthu zofunika kwa ife. Silo funso lakuvomereza kuzunzidwa, koma pakumvetsetsa kuti masomphenya athu ndi njira yathu sizokhazo zomwe zingatheke. Chifukwa chake, sitiyenera kusintha ena, tikungofunika kusintha mtundu waubwenzi womwe tili nawo.
Kusiyanaku sikumangotanthauzira chabe, koma kumatanthawuza kugawidwa kwatsopano kwa udindo ndi "kulakwa" chifukwa zikutanthauza kuti winayo alibe china choyipa kapena choyipa, koma kuti machitidwe ndi malingaliro ena sagwirizana ndi ife komanso mtundu wa ubale zomwe tikufuna kuzisunga.
Ngati sitingathe kusintha ena, tingatani?
Yesetsani kumvetsetsa machitidwe a anthu otizungulira, makamaka omwe ali mbali yathu mabwalo odalirana, zidzakhala zothandiza kwambiri m'kupita kwa nthawi kuposa kudandaula. Kuti tichite izi, tiyenera kusiya kuyesa kusintha ena poganiza kuti tili ndi chowonadi m'manja ndikudziwa njira yoyenera. Titha m'malo mwake:
1. Pezani zoyambitsa zawo. Tonsefe tili ndi zoyambitsa kapena zoyambitsa. Awa ndi mabatani ofiira omwe, tikapanikizika, amatipangitsa kuti tiwone bwino. Anthu omwe timagwirizana nawo nawonso amakhala ndi zoyambitsa izi. Kumvetsetsa zomwe iwo ali kudzatithandiza kukonza ubale wathu. Mwachitsanzo, mwina munthuyo ali ndi mitu yachinsinsi yomwe kungakhale bwino kuti asakhudze kapena kuyankha moipa akakakamizidwa. Ndizokhudza kuzindikira zomwe ndi zinthu zomwe sangathe kunyamula kuti ayese kuzipewa.
2. Kuzamitsa zifukwa zathu. Chibwenzi nthawi zonse chimakhala funso la awiri. Chifukwa chake, sitingangoyang'ana kunja, ndikudzudzula winayo, tiyenera kuwongolera tokha. Chifukwa chiyani malingaliro kapena machitidwe ena amakukhumudwitsani? Malingana ngati si munthu amene amatizunza, ziyembekezo zathu, zokhumba zathu komanso zokumana nazo zimapangitsanso chithunzi chomwe tili nacho cha munthu ameneyo. Chifukwa chake, ndikofunikira kufunsa: bwanji zimandivutitsa? Kodi zidalidi zazikulu kapena ndidazitenga mozama? Titha kupeza kuti tikukokomeza kapena izi ndichifukwa choti sanakwaniritse ziyembekezo zathu.
3. Yang'anani pa zomwe tikufuna kuchokera pachibwenzi. Sitingasinthe malingaliro a ena, koma titha kusintha ubale womwe timapanga nawo. Zikutanthauza kuti tiyenera kusiya kuyang'anitsitsa pazonse zomwe ena akuti akuchita zolakwika kuti tizingoyang'ana pazomwe sizikugwira ntchito pachibwenzi. Chifukwa chake m'malo mongomuimba mlandu munthuyo pazonse zomwe sizikugwira ntchito, timangoyang'ana pazomwe timawona kuti sizabwino muubwenzi ndikudzifunsa kuti tingachite bwanji.
Pomaliza, tiyenera kukumbukira kuti nthawi zambiri anthu samatipweteka dala. Aliyense amakhala ndi nkhawa zake, nkhawa, mantha, kusatetezeka komanso mavuto. Tonsefe timalakwitsa. Sitingasinthe malingaliro a ena, malingaliro awo kapena kuwongolera machitidwe awo kuti awasinthire kutengera zosowa zathu kapena momwe timawonera dziko lapansi. Kulekerera komanso kusinthasintha ndizofunikira kuti tikhalebe ndi maubwenzi okhutira komanso kuteteza malingaliro athu.
Pakhomo Chifukwa chiyani ife - ndipo sitiyenera - kusintha malingaliro a ena? idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.
