Yankin aboki: lokacin da soyayya ga aboki ta rikide zuwa soyayya

Da "Harry, hadu da Sally" alla "Dokar aboki" na 883, tsohuwar tambayar tambaya naabota tsakanin maza da mata ya kasance yana da cikakkiyar jaruma a cikin kayan al'adun gargajiya. Ba bakon abu bane, a zahiri, shaida juyin halitta na kawancen abota, juyin halitta wanda duk da haka na iya zama nipped a cikin toho daga wannan magana mara dadi da duk muka faɗa ko, a mafi munin yanayi, an faɗa mana aƙalla sau ɗaya a rayuwarmu: "Na fi ganin ka a matsayin aboki". Kuma yana daga wannan jumlar kuma, ƙari musamman, daga labarin na Jerin abokai tv, wanda aka watsa a 1994, wanda aka kirkirar da kalmar Anglo-Saxon "Abokin Kaya", Ko kuma "Yankin aboki", wuri rabi tsakanin soyayya da abota, launi wanda, tsakanin fari da baƙi, ya shuɗe zuwa launin toka anthracite. A cikin wannan yanki ne muke sakewa yayin da ba a sake jin daɗin zuciyarmu ba ga abokin da muka bayyana masa. Kuma, tunda zukatan da wannan halin ya karye suna, rashin alheri, girma, har suka ƙirƙiri wani shafin zamantakewar da ake kira "Da aboki" wanda ke tattara shaidun, mun rubuta muku labarin yadda zai yiwu akan duk abin da kuke buƙatar sani game da sabon yanki na Friendzone: nasa ma'ana, da hanyar, amma yafi duka, yadda ake fita daga ciki.

Amma kafin a ci gaba, kalli wannan bidiyon kuma gano alamun 5 da zasu sa ku fahimta idan da gaske kuna soyayya da wani!

 

Friendzone: ma'ana

Kalmar Abokin Kaya bashi ne daga yaren Ingilishi, wanda za a iya fassara shi zuwa Italiyanci tare da bayyanawa "Yankin aboki" o "Yankin abokantaka". Wannan kalmar Anglo-Saxon tana nufin hakan halin da ake ciki na shubuha wanda zai iya faruwa a cikin abokantaka lokacin da ɗayan abokai biyu suka fara gwadawa zurfin ji ga ɗayan, ba tare da an biya shi ba kuma saboda wannan, koma zuwa "yankin abokantaka". Yankin Friendzone ya game ba tare da nuna bambanci ba maza da mata kuma ba tare da la'akari da kowane nau'i na yanayin jima'i ba. Bayan lokaci, ya karɓi mulki ma'ana mara kyau, ana la'akari da shi a matsayin gaskiya m jin cizon yatsa tare da sakamakon lalacewa don amincewa da girman kai na mutumin da ke wahalarsa. Don ƙarewa a cikin "yankin abokin", ba lallai ba ne ga mutum ya bayyana ƙaunarsa ko jan hankalinsa ga wanda abin ya shafa, yana karɓar bayyananniyar ƙiyamar ƙiyayya daga ƙarshen: yana iya zama a zahiri batun na zabi na son rai da kariya, wanda ya ji tsoron wulaƙanci ko ƙarshen amincin da ba makawa don haka, saboda haka, galibi ya fi son ɓoye ainihin yadda suke ji, kiyaye matsayin dangantakar.

Shin akwai abota tsakanin maza da mata?

 

Wannan naabota tsakanin mace da namiji ya kasance koyaushe ra'ayi ne hadaddun kuma wannan yana faruwa ne saboda sarkakiyar mutane. Kusa da ra'ayin abota ta abokantaka tsakanin maza da mata, ko na jinsi daya a yanayin luwadi, rashin iyaka na stereotypes wanda ba a yarda da shi ba cewa tsakanin mutane biyu da lamarin ya shafa akwai rashi cikakke na jan hankali. A gaskiya ma, gaskiya ne bias, ko halayen rashin sani, wanda al'ummu suka cusa mana a ciki wanda, koyaushe ko koyaushe, ana jagorancin mu kimanta ɗayan a matsayin abokin tarayya kuma mafi wuya a matsayin aboki mai sauƙi. Don dalilai bayyananne, sabili da haka, wannan halin masu hanawa na halitta da kuma serene ci gaba na abota mara kyau. Le hanyar na wannan halin kuma ana danganta shi ga wannan ɗabi'ar wanda sau da yawa, yayin yarinta, yana rufe hermetically ciki dkungiyoyin abokai a cikin abin da zai yiwu a halarta kawai kuma musamman pmutane masu jinsi ɗaya. Wannan al'ada, a zahiri, har yanzu sananniya ce tsakanin yara, hanawa me zai zama nasu ikon zuwa nan gaba don dangantaka da mutanen da ba na jinsi ba, tunda yanzu ana amfani dasu don daidaita dangantakar da ke tsakanin bangarorin ruwa mai tsafta wadanda aka bayyana su sosai.

A cikin 'yan shekarun nan, ra'ayi na Abokin Kaya ya samu koda yaushe mafi yawan amsa kuwwa a al'adun jama'a kuma hakan na nufin hakan ma kimiyya ta kula da shi, kokarin fahimtar idan a zahiri za a iya zama da amincin gaske tsakanin mace da namiji. Nazarin da aka gudanar a fagen ilimin kimiyya har zuwa yau ya bayyana cewa, galibi, mutane na kishiyar jinsi suna gwagwarmayar kulla kawance mai tsabta ba tare da tasirin soyayya / jima'i ba saboda maza kan wuce gona da iri da sha'awar da mata suka nuna musukuma, yayin da na ƙarshe suka raina shi. Gabaɗaya, dangantakar abokantaka tana yiwuwa ne kawai idan akwai guda ɗaya cikakken rashin jan hankalin jima'i tsakanin bangarorin biyu, amma wannan, duk da haka, yanayi ne da zai iya haɓaka da canzawa a kan lokaci, yana ɓata tasirin da aka kafa har zuwa wannan lokacin a cikin dangantakar abokantaka. Koyaya, wannan abin da ya faru bai kamata ya hana mu yin la'akari da ɗayan jinsin a matsayin aboki kawai ba bisa ƙa'ida ba.

Shin zai yiwu a bar yankin aboki?

 

Kodayake mutane da yawa sun musanta shi, yana yiwuwa a fita daga Friendzone Tabbas, kuna buƙatar ɗaukar kanku da haƙuri da kyakkyawan karɓar karɓa, amma wannan ba aiki bane mai yiwuwa. Kafin bada dukkan namu (kuma ba wai kawai ba) shawara don fita daga wannan halin ba tare da wata damuwa ba, yana da kyau ayi jigo: idan aka koma mutum zuwa yankin aboki da wani takamaiman mita, ko kuma, kamar yadda suke fada, mafi yawan mutanen da yake kokarin kusanto dasu suna kaunarsu, yana da kyau a jaddada hakan jin tausayin kanku ba ya cikin mafita ga halin da ake ciki. A zahiri, mutumin da ake tambaya dole ne ya fara hanyar wayewar kai, mamaki game da hanyar wanda ke ɓoye a bayan wannan yanayin zuwa yankin aboki, don ƙarshe isa ga sanin cewa, sau da yawa, idan dangantaka ba ta yi aiki ba saboda ba a nufin aiki ba kuma ba saboda akwai wani abu da ke damun sa ba / ta ko kuma a ɗayan .

Sabili da haka, shawarar farko da muke jin za mu iya bayarwa ita ce: bayan sanarwar da aka yi ba daidai ba, ba shi da amfani a nace, amma a yarda da ƙin yarda da ladabi da ladabi. A wannan lokacin, sun bayyana kansu ga mutumin "aboki" hanyoyi biyu masu yiwuwa: a ajiye jin daɗin soyayya, ci gaba zuwa zauna abokai don kiyaye dangantakar, a cikin fata da bege, wani lokacin banza kuma wani lokacin an kafa ta, cewa a tsawon lokaci ɗayan ma na iya haɓaka sha'awar soyayya-ta jima'i, ko kuma, a yayin da wahala ba ta jurewa, yi ban kwana ka daina, koda kuwa na dan lokaci ne, abota, don aiwatar da ƙin yarda mafi kyau.

sauran fa'idodi masu amfani waɗanda zaku iya ma'amala dasu da Friendzone kuma, a mafi kyawun shari’a, masu nasara ba masu hasara ba sun fito daga gare mu Jeremy Nicholson, Ba'amurke mai binciken zamantakewar al'umma. Musamman ma, masanin ya fahimta gajeren jagorar rayuwa zuwa yankin aboki a madadin mujallar Psychology Today, tana mai nuni da matakai masu zuwa azaman mafita:

• Nuna rashin sha'awa: ta wannan hanyar, abokin da kake shaawa ba zai ɗauke ka da wasa ba kuma kai, ta hanyar rage bayyanar da "motsin zuciyarka", zai zama mai rauni.
• Nuna kanka kasa: saboda, kamar yadda suke faɗa, "kuna fahimtar ƙimar abubuwa (mutane) kawai lokacin da kuka rasa su".
• Createirƙira gasar, ma'ana, gwada sa wani mutum kishi cdon haka, a ƙarshe, ta iya tambayar kanta game da yadda take ji kuma ta fahimci cewa tana jin wani abu wanda ya wuce ƙawancen aminci
• Ben Franklin sakamako: a cikin iyakokin ilimi, Nicholson ya shawarci "abokai" su yawaita buƙatun don ni'ima ga mutumin da yake ji da shi. Ta yin hakan, na biyun zai fahimci mahimmancin mutumin da yake son ba shi taimakonsa, yayin da na farkon zai 'yanta kansa daga matsayin biyayya da Friendzone ya danganta masa.
• Gamsuwa: kasancewa mai kirki koyaushe makamin nasara ne. A madadin, cinye komai akan rashin damuwa.

A ƙarshe, idan ya zo ga ji, yana da wuya a bi dokoki da shawarwari saboda, ka sani, "ba a umurci zuciya". Koyaya, komai alaƙar da ke akwai, akwai dabaru guda ɗaya da ke aiki da fa'ida tsabta. Kasancewa daga farko game da yadda kake ji game da wani shine mafita mafi nasara don gujewa yiwuwar amma rashin fahimtar juna sosai da kuma baƙin ciki masu zuwa. Don haka, koyaushe ku kasance da gaskiya ga kanku, kada ku danne abubuwan da kuke ji kuma karka daina yarda da kyaun soyayya, har ma da duk da cizon yatsa.