Few things in life are so important that we lose sleep over them. Yet, immersed in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we transform the irrelevant into colossal concerns. We confuse the urgent with the important. We get angry over trivial matters that we will forget next month. We easily lose our temper. We get irritated at the slightest surprise and get stressed at the slightest pressure.
In large part, this exaggerated emotional reactivity is due to us taking things too seriously. We are unable to maintain the psychological distance necessary to put into perspective what is happening to us. For this reason, one of the most important lessons that will bring us more peace of mind in life is to take things more lightly, without becoming superficial.
Live lightly
We all have a natural tendency to want to control what happens in our area of action. Through control we try to satisfy our need for security. However, since the past cannot be changed and the future is elusive, this controlling attitude only generates anxiety and worry, which adds to life's already enormous drudgery.
Indeed, in an increasingly bleak world, tainted by catastrophes and hardships, subjected to the constant bombardment of disturbing news, toxic pessimism and unbridled anger, we urgently need to learn to flow and let go of the ballast to balance our inner world.
Italo Calvino had the antidote: to live lightly. He advised us: "Take life lightly, that lightness is not superficiality, but gliding over things from above, not having boulders on your heart".
Lightness consists in "removing weight" from the representation of reality. Learning to give everything its rightful place in our lives but, above all, it consists in not accumulating frustrations, worries and responsibilities of others.
Taking things lightly doesn't mean being superficial, but rather stop taking everything too seriously. Stop making storms in a teacup. Forget the dramas. Assume that not everything is personal. Let the anger, sadness, or frustration flow until they dilute themselves.
Living lightly also means making peace with yourself. Stop being our harshest judge and start treating ourselves more kindly. It consists in forgiving ourselves. Free ourselves from the emotional ballasts that we sometimes force ourselves to carry. Lightness is relief and self-care in a world that forces us to be perpetually in tension and available towards others.
Living lightly means knowing how to dilate time. Interrupting the flow of life that leaves us breathless. Recover the time that occupies an inner dimension, transforming it into food for the soul and the heart. Pay more attention to ourselves, but without taking ourselves too seriously, adopting a playful and curious position towards ourselves.
Living lightly also means regaining possession of our "ego" to fly higher, with that healthy detachment that allows us to pass through adversity unscathed. It is the ability to recognize the subtle and the vital even in the face of pain in order to reposition oneself in the essential. It is rediscovering the taste for amazement and a smile, for the simple and also for the banal.
An exercise to learn to take things lightly and let go of the ballast
A very simple exercise to start getting rid of the weight that blocks us is to imagine or draw a black bag. That bag represents all the things we carry with us, all those worries, responsibilities, fears, insecurities, frustrations…
We must ask ourselves: what are the things that weigh us down the most in life? Why do we carry them on our shoulders? What can we take out of that bag to improve our lives, be happier, or feel more fulfilled?
Next, we can write a list by separating what's ours from what we can return, like the expectations of others, the excessive demands of the outside world and social pressures.
We will thus be able to free ourselves from emotional baggage which, far from being useful, hinders us and throws us off balance. We may not become feathers, but we can live lighter. And getting rid of that excess weight can only be healthy for the body and mind.
Admission The art of living lightly without being superficial was published first in Corner of Psychology.
