"Akukubi kangako", "akufanele uzizwe kanjena" o “Isikhathi sokuvula ikhasi”. Lezi ezinye zezisho ezivamile ezenzelwe ukunciphisa ukuhlupheka kepha empeleni ziyakhubaza. Lapho abantu ababalulekile kithina bengasiqondi, kepha behlisela phansi noma bengayinaki imizwa yethu, asigcini ngokuthola ukwesekwa esikudingayo, kepha futhi singazizwa singanele futhi size singabaze ukufaneleka kwemizwa yethu.
Kuyini ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo?
Ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo kuyisenzo sokwala, ukunganaki, noma ukwenqaba imicabango yomuntu, imizwa yakhe, noma isimilo sakhe. Idlulisa umyalezo wokuthi imizwa yakho ayinandaba noma ayifanele.
Ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo kungaziveza ngezindlela ezihlukile. Abanye abantu bakusebenzisa ngamabomu ukuphatha abanye ngoba banaka ukunaka kwabo nothando lwabo ekuthumeleni komunye. Abanye ngokomzwelo benza abanye bangaboni.
Eqinisweni, ezikhathini eziningi ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo kungumphumela womzamo wokusijabulisa. Imisho efana "Ungakhathazeki", "sekuyisikhathi sokuthi ngikudlulise lokho", "impela bekungekubi kangako", "unehaba", "Angiyiboni inkinga" noma "awudingi uzizwe ngaleyondlela " banezinhloso ezinhle, kepha ekujuleni kwenhliziyo benza imizwa omunye umuntu abe nayo.
Ngokusobala, leli akusilo isu elihle lokuthulisa omunye. Ngokuphambene nalokho. Ucwaningo olwenziwe eHarvard University luveze ukuthi abafundi abakhubazekile ngemuva kokuveza imizwa yabo esimweni esicindezelayo bazizwa beba nzima kakhulu futhi bakhombisa ukuphendula komzimba.
Kukhona nalabo abasolana bodwa ngokuzizwa ngendlela ethile. Imisho efana "Uyazwela kakhulu", "uthatha yonke into ibe ngeyakho kakhulu" noma "uyibeka ibaluleke kakhulu" ziyizibonelo zokungasebenzi ngokomzwelo lapho umuntu ofuna ukuqonda nokwesekwa egxekwa futhi enqatshwa.
Vele, ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo akuyona nje into eyenziwa ngomlomo. Ukungabi nandaba nobuhlungu noma ukukhathazeka komunye umuntu nakho kuyindlela yokwenza imizwa yakhe ibe yize. Ukunganaki lapho umuntu ekhuluma ngesihloko esibalulekile noma ukusilulaza ngezenzo noma ngezindlela zokuziphatha kungenye indlela yokungasebenzi.
Kungani abantu bechitha imizwa?
Ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo kuvame ukwenzeka lapho siveza imizwa yethu noma sikhuluma ngokuhlangenwe nakho. Iqiniso ngukuthi abantu abaningi bayakhubazeka ngoba abakwazi ukucubungula imizwa omunye abanikeza yona.
Ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo kuhilela izinga elithile lozwela noma ukuzwakala ngokuzwela. Kusho ukwazi ukuthi ungazifaka kanjani ezicathulweni zomunye umuntu, umqonde futhi uphile imizwa yakhe. Ezikhathini eziningi, le mizwa ingacindezela kakhulu kumuntu noma ivele ingathandeki, ngendlela ebenqabayo futhi, ngayo, yenze umuntu obhekene nayo angasebenzi.
Eqinisweni, akunakushaywa indiva ukuthi siphila emphakathini oxegisa ngokujulile ngokombono ongokomzwelo lapho amazwe athintekayo abhekwa njenge- “isithiyo” kuyilapho kukhonzwa izizathu. Emphakathini okhuthaza ukuqhubekela phambili ngokushesha, lapho kuthanda khona i-hedonism futhi kufunwa ukuhlupheka ngoba kudala usizi oluningi, akumangazi ukuthi abantu abaningi abakwazi ukuphatha imizwa yabo emibi futhi abakwazi ukubhekana nayo.
Kwezinye izimo, ukungasebenzi kwenza ukuthi umuntu abe matasa kakhulu ngezinkinga zakhe ukuthi angahambi ngombono wakhe azifake ezicathulweni zomunye. Kungenzeka ukuthi lo muntu ubhekene nobunzima ngempela futhi ukhathele kakhulu kangangoba abakwazi ukunikeza ukuqinisekiswa okungokomzwelo. Noma bangamane babe ngabantu abazicabangela bona bodwa ukuze bagxile emizweni yomunye nomunye.
Imiphumela yokungasebenzi ngokomzwelo
• Izinkinga ekulawuleni imizwa
Ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo kuvame ukudala ukudideka, ukungabaza nokungayethembi imizwa yethu. Uma uma siveza lokho esikuzwayo, umuntu osondele futhi onengqondo esitshela ukuthi akufanele sikuzwe, singaqala ukungabuthembi ubuqiniso besipiliyoni sethu. Kodwa-ke, ukubuza imizwa yethu ngeke kuyenze inyamalale, kuzokwenza kube nzima ngathi ukuyilawula ngokuqiniseka.
Ngempela, kutholakele ukuthi lapho ukungasebenzi kuvimbela ukubonakaliswa kwemizwelo eyinhloko, njengokudabuka, kuvame ukuholela ekwandeni kwemizwa yesibili efana nentukuthelo namahloni. Ucwaningo olwenziwe e-University of Washington lwembula ukuthi abantu asebenenkinga yokulawula imizwa yabo bavame ukusabela ngolaka uma bengakutholi ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo kosizi.
• Ukuvela kokuphazamiseka kwengqondo
Ukukhubazeka ngokomzwelo kungaba nomthelela kumuntu obekiwe oqala ukuba nezinkinga zempilo yengqondo njengokucindezeleka noma izimpawu ezibandayo. Lapho ukungasebenzi kuvela kumbuthano oseduze kakhulu futhi kuyiphethini eziphindayo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lowo muntu uzofunda ukucindezela imizwa yabo, ezogcina ibathintile. Kungenzeka futhi uzizwe uwedwa kakhulu futhi ungaqondwa kahle. Eqinisweni, ucwaningo olwenziwe endaweni ye- I-Wayne State University kuveze ukuthi ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo komlingani ngendlela ehlelekile kungabikezela ukuvela kwesithombe sokucindezeleka.
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uMarsha M. Linehan ukholelwa ukuthi ukukhubazeka ngokomzwelo kungaba yingozi ikakhulukazi kubantu abasengozini ngokomzwelo; okungukuthi, labo abazwela kakhudlwana basabela ngamandla amakhulu futhi bakuthole kunzima ukuthola okujwayelekile. Kulezi zimo, ukutshelwa ukuthi izimpendulo zabo ezingokomzwelo azilungile futhi azifaneleki kungadala ukucwaswa ngokomzwelo.
Eqinisweni, kutholakele futhi ukuthi abantu abahlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo ebuntwaneni babo maningi amathuba okuthi bahlupheke ngenxa yemingcele yobuntu, ebonakala ngokungafisi, ukusebenza kanzima ngokomzwelo, imizwa engapheli yokuba nenkinga, nezinkinga zokulawulwa kwemizwa. Kubantu abasha, ukukhubazeka ngokomzwelo kuye kwaxhunyaniswa nengozi eyengeziwe yokuzilimaza.
Ungaqinisekisa kanjani imizwelo?
Kumele sikhumbule ukuthi ukusabela okungokomzwelo ezenzakalweni akukaze kulunge noma kungalungile. Okungahle kube okungafanelekile ukukhuluma kwabo, kepha hhayi ukubukeka kwabo. Ngakho-ke, asikho isizathu sokulahla, ukunganaki noma ukwenqaba imizwa, noma ngabe ibaluleke ngani.
Ukuqinisekisa imizwa yomunye umuntu, kufanele siqale sizivulele kulwazi lwabo. Lokhu kusho ukuthi uzimisele ukulalela ngokucophelela nokuba khona ngokugcwele. Sidinga ukubeka eceleni konke okuphazamisayo bese sizama ukuxhuma ngokomzwelo.
Kusho nokuzimisela ukubeka izinkinga zethu eceleni ngalowo mzuzu ukuze sikwazi ukuzama uzwela kumuntu ophambi kwethu.
Ekugcineni, kufaka phakathi ukusebenzisa ulimi oluqinile nolunokuqonda lapho imisho ifana khona "Bekungaba kubi kakhulu" zinyamalale ukwenza indlela ye- "Ngiyaxolisa ngokwenzeke kuwe", kubi "Kubukeka kukhungathekisa" esikhundleni se "Unehaba" o "Yini engingayenza ukukusiza?" esikhundleni se "kufanele weqise ”.
Ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo ubuciko obufundwayo. Sidinga nje ukubekezela nokuqonda.
Imithombo
Adrian, M. et. I-Al. (2019) Ukuqinisekiswa Komzali Nokungavunyelwa Kokuqagela Ukuzilimaza Kwentsha. UProf Psychol Res Pr; 49 (4): 274-281.
I-Keng, S. & Sho, C. (2018) Inhlangano phakathi kokungavunyelwa kwengane nezimpawu zobuntu bomngcele: ukuzimela kanye nokuvumelana njengezici zokumodela. Ukuphazamiseka Komuntu Osemngceleni Nokwehliswa Kwemizwelo; 5: 19.
Leong, LEM, Cano, A. & Johansen, AB (2011) Ukulandelana kokulinganisa nokulinganisa kwesilinganiso sokuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo nokungasebenzi emibhangqwaneni yezinhlungu ezingapheli: Izindaba zobulili ezibekezelayo. I-Journal of Pain; 12: 1140 -1148.
UFruzzetti, AE & Shenk, C. (2008) Ukukhuthaza izimpendulo eziqinisekisa emindenini. Umsebenzi Wezenhlalakahle Kwezempilo Yengqondo; 6: 215-227.
UFruzzetti, AE, Shenk, C. & Hoffman, PD (2005) Ukusebenzisana komndeni kanye nokwakhiwa kokuphazamiseka kobuntu bomngcele: Imodeli yokuthengiselana. Ukuthuthuka kanye ne-Psychopathology; 17: 1007-1030.
I-Linehan, MM (1993) Ukwelashwa kokuziphatha kwengqondo kokungahambisani nobuntu bomngcele. ENew York: IGuilford Press.
Umnyango Ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo, lapho abanye behlisa noma bengayinaki imizwa yethu yashicilelwa okokuqala ngo Ikhona lePsychology.
