Abazali bafundisa futhi baqondise izingane zabo ngawo wonke amandla azo. Ngezinye izikhathi, lapho isimo sibakhungathekisa noma bezizwa bedidekile, baphendukela ekwazisweni noma ukusebenzisa “ukuhlakanipha kwabantu,” basebenzisa lokho abakholelwa ukuthi kulungile noma abazali babo ababafundisa khona besebancane.
Nokho, ezinye izeluleko ezivela kubazali eziya ezinganeni zingaba nomphumela olimazayo engqondweni yengane futhi, esikhundleni sokudedela amandla ayo aphelele, igcina iwukhawulile. Izwi labazali, eqinisweni, lingaba izwi elingaphakathi elihamba nathi kukho konke ukuphila kwethu.
Akungabazeki ukuthi iningi labazali lifuna ukuba izingane zabo ziphumelele ekuphileni, ngakho lizama ukudlulisela izimo zengqondo nezindlela zokwenza izinto ezibasiza ukuba bafinyelele leyo migomo. Kodwa ukuphumelela akusona isiqinisekiso senjabulo noma inhlalakahle engokomzwelo. Ngakho-ke, izeluleko eziningi zomzali nengane eziye zadluliselwa kwesinye isizukulwane kuya kwesinye zingase zibe izinkolelo eziphikisayo nezikhawulelayo.
Iseluleko sabazali kubantwana babo sokuthi kungaba ngcono ukuphimisela kabusha
Icebiso 1. Cabanga kusengaphambili. Gxila kumklomelo.
Kunalokho yini okufanele simtshele yona? Gxila lapha futhi manje.
Umqondo ohlale ugxile ekusaseni - okokuqala ukuthola amamaki amahle, bese ubhalisa enyuvesi enhle, futhi ekugcineni uthole umsebenzi ofanele - uzothambekela kakhulu ekucindezelekeni nasekukhathazekeni okukhulu. Nakuba kukhona eziningana izinhlobo zokucindezeleka futhi umthamo we-eustress ungasebenza njenge-ejenti ekhuthazayo, ukucindezeleka okungapheli okugcinwe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi kulimaza impilo yethu nemisebenzi yokuqonda kwengqondo, okuthinta ukusebenza kwethu. Ngakho-ke, ukufundisa izingane ukuba zigxile ekusaseni nalokho ezingakufeza kuwumusho wokuphila konke wokucindezeleka.
Eqinisweni, ukugxila emgomweni kuphela kusho ukuhlala nabantu abangaboni ngaso linye. Ukubheka phambili kusivimbela ekuboneni amathuba asizungezile futhi, ngaphezu kwakho konke, kunciphisa ikhono lethu lokujabulela okwalapha namanje. Ngakho-ke, izingane zingajabula kakhulu uma sizivumela ukuba zenze lokho okuzenzakalelayo kubo: gxila esikhathini samanje futhi sikusebenzise ngokugcwele. Umlayezo okufanele bawuqonde ukuthi akudingeki babeke injabulo yabo namuhla ukuze bathole umgomo wesikhathi esizayo.
Ithiphu 2. Ukucindezeleka akunakugwenywa. Qhubeka uzame.
Kunalokho yini okufanele simtshele yona? Funda ukuphumula.
Izinkinga zokukhathazeka zitholakala zisencane ngoba izingane zizwa ingcindezi enkulu yokwenza okulindelwe ngabazali kanye nomphakathi wonkana. Akungabazeki ukuthi impilo iza nethamo lokushuba futhi kubalulekile ukuthi izingane zikhule ngokwanele ukubekezelelana kwengcindezi lokho kubavumela ukuthi babhekane nezimo ezinzima, kepha umyalezo okufanele sibathumele wona akukhona ukuthi baziphoqelela ekugcineni kodwa ukuthi bafunda ukukhululeka ngaphambi kokufika ezingeni lokuphuka.
Akunanzuzo ukuhlala esimweni sokugcwala ngokweqile, nezinhlelo ezimatasa ezidinga ukusetshenziswa kwezikhuthazi ukuze ukwazi ukusekela isigqi esinamandla angaphezu kwavamile kuyilapho ebusuku kusetshenziselwa ama-sedatives ukuze ukwazi ukulala. Ngempela, akumane kwaqondana ukuthi ucwaningo olwenziwa eNyuvesi yaseHelsinki lwembula ukuthi izingane ezinabazali abahlushwa i-burnout syndrome maningi amathuba okuba babhekane nokuwohloka kwesikole. Futhi ukufuna ukuphelela nokucindezeleka nakho kuyadluliselwa. Ngakho-ke, isipho esingcono kakhulu abazali abangasipha izingane zabo ukubafundisa amasu okuphumula ezinganeni ezivumela ukuthi zigweme ukucindezeleka okungadingekile.
Ithiphu 3. Khulisa amandla akho. Zama ukuthi ungawenzi amaphutha.
Yini okufanele simtshele yona esikhundleni? Yenza amaphutha futhi ufunde ukwehluleka.
Abazali, njengabantu abaningi, bavame ukunamathisela amalebula. Ngakho-ke, akumangalisi ukuthi bagcina benehaba ngamakhono athile ezingane zabo kuyilapho bebenza buthaka abanye. Uma beqaphela ukuthi ingane yabo inesiphiwo esikhethekile sezibalo noma kwezemidlalo, bayoyikhuthaza ukuba ikuphishekele lokhu. Uma uthi nhlá, akukho lutho olungalungile ngalokho. Kodwa-ke, lesi simo sengqondo sikhuthaza lokho okubizwa ngokuthi "ingqondo egxilile", ukuze izingane zibe mancane amathuba okuhlola nokuthola izinto ezintsha.
Lapho ingane ithola ukutuswa ngokuba ngumdlali wezemidlalo noma ikhono lezibalo, mancane amathuba okuba iphume kukho indawo yokududuza futhi, isibonelo, uzizwe ugqugquzelekile ukubhala inkondlo noma ukuhlanganyela emdlalweni. Lezi zingane zibuye zikhungatheke kakhulu uma kukhona okungahambi kahle futhi akuvamile ukuthi zifune izinselelo ezintsha ngoba zincamela ukunamathela kulokho ezikwaziyo, lokho “ezikwaziyo”.
Yingakho kubalulekile ukuthi izingane zifunde ukubhekana nezinselele ezintsha, zenze amaphutha, zilwele ukuthuthukisa amakhono amasha futhi, yiqiniso, zihluleka. Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo eNyuvesi yase-Illinois zithole ukuthi izingane zizobonisa isimo sengqondo esinethemba elikhulu futhi ngisho nomdlandla ngezinselele uma zazi ukuthi zidinga nje ukwenza umzamo owengeziwe noma zizame futhi. Ngokwengeziwe, ngeke babe namathuba amancane okuzizwa kabi ngabo uma okuthile kungahambi ngokohlelo.
Ithiphu 4. Ungabi nomusa kuwe.
Yini okufanele simtshele yona esikhundleni? Ziphathe ngozwelo.
Abantu abaningi bangabagxeki nabahluleli babo ababi kakhulu. Nakuba ukuzigxeka kuhle ekukhuleni nasekufundeni emaphutheni ethu, uma kweqile kungakhubazeka, kusifake obishini lokunganeliseki, ukuthethiswa nokuzisola lapho sigcina sicabanga ukuthi asifaneleki noma asilutho.
Ngeshwa, abazali abaningi bakholelwa ukuthi indlela engcono kakhulu yokufundisa izingane zabo ukubenza amaSpartans. Ngakho-ke bagcina begxeka ngokweqile futhi babafundise ukuziphatha ngokhahlo. Kepha ukuzigxeka ngokweqile kungaphenduka ukuzilimaza, kwehlise ukuzethemba kwethu futhi kuveze ukwesaba okukhulu ukwehluleka.
Kunalokho, iseluleko esihle esivela kubazali ezinganeni ngesokuthi zifunde ukuphathana ngozwela, akusho ukuzidabukela noma ukuvala amehlo ngezinto esizenzayo, kodwa simane siziphathe ngendlela esiyophatha ngayo umngane ngezikhathi zobunzima. ukwehluleka noma ubuhlungu. Kusho ukukwazi ukuzithanda thina ngisho nalapho senza iphutha, sithole indawo efudumele nenethezekile phakathi kwethu esingazizwa sivikelekile kuyo.
Ithiphu 5. Ungabonisi imizwa yakho. Ukukhala kwababuthakathaka.
Kunalokho yini okufanele simtshele yona? Funda ukulawula imizwa yakho.
Impilo ayilungile. Iningi labazali liyakwazi lokhu futhi, ngenxa yalowo mqondo oqinile wokuvikela, besaba ukuthi abanye bazolimaza izingane zabo. Ukwesaba okuqondakalayo, kodwa ukubafundisa ukufihla imizwa yabo ngeke kubavikele. Ngokuphambene. Imizwa enjengokudabuka isebenza njengesengezo somphakathi ngokukhuthaza abanye ukuthi basondele ukuze banikeze usizo nokusekelwa.
Ukucela izingane ukuthi zingakhali, zingaphoxwa yisipho ezingasithandi, noma ukuziphoqa ukuba ziqabule umuntu ezizizwa zingakhululekile ngaye, kusho ukuthi kancane kancane ziyazinqamula emizweni yazo. Lokhu ngeke kubasize ukubaphatha kangcono, kepha kuzokwenza inqubo yokuqongelela ngokomzwelo ezogcina idala ukungeneliseki okukhulu futhi kuzobeka ubunzima ebudlelwaneni phakathi kwabantu.
Kunalokho, kufanele sifundise izingane ukuthi imizwa ayizona izitha futhi akukho lutho olungalungile ngokuzizwa udangele, udumazekile, ukhungathekile noma uthukuthele. Okubaluleke kakhulu ukuthola imbangela yaleyo mizwa futhi ufunde ukuyiveza ngokugomela. Ngale ndlela ungakwazi ukuthuthukisa ubuhlakani bezingane ngokomzwelo ukuze babe abantu abadala abangazweli lapho bebhekene namagalelo anzima okuphila.
Imithombo
Salmena-Aro, K. et. Al. (2011) Abazali 'basebenza ngokutubeka kanye nokutubeka kwezingane' esikoleni: Ingabe bayahlanganyela? I-European Journal of Developmental Psychology; 8 (2): 215-227.
U-Dweck, CS, & Leggett, EL (1988) Indlela yokuqonda komphakathi ekugqugquzeleni nobuntu. Ukubukezwa kwengqondo; 95 (2): 256-273.
Umnyango Izeluleko ezi-5 ezimbi zomzali nengane - mhlawumbe unikezwe zona yashicilelwa okokuqala ngo Ikhona lePsychology.
