"Akukubi kangako", "akufuneki uzive unje" o "Lixesha lokuba utyhile iphepha". La ngamanye amabinzana aqhelekileyo enzelwe ukunciphisa ukubandezeleka kodwa eneneni ayabulala. Xa abantu bebalulekile kuthi bengasiqondi, kodwa behlekisa okanye bengazihoyi iimvakalelo zethu, asiyifumani nje kuphela inkxaso yemvakalelo esiyidingayo, kodwa sinokuziva singonelanga kwaye side sibuze ukufaneleka kweemvakalelo zethu.
Kukuthini ukungazinzi ngokweemvakalelo?
Ukungasebenzi ngokweemvakalelo sisenzo sokwala, ukungahoyi, okanye ukwala iingcinga zomntu, iimvakalelo zakhe, okanye isimilo sakhe. Idlulisela umyalezo wokuba iimvakalelo zakho azinamsebenzi okanye azifanelekanga.
Ukungasebenzi ngokweemvakalelo kunokuzibonakalisa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Abanye abantu bayisebenzisa ngenjongo yokukhohlisa abanye kuba bebeka phantsi ingqalelo yabo nothando ekuthobeleni omnye. Abanye bonakalisa abanye ngokweemvakalelo bengaqondanga.
Ngapha koko, kumaxesha amaninzi ukungaziphathi ngokweemvakalelo kusisiphumo sokuzama ukusivuyisa. Amabinzana afana "Ungakhathazeki", "lixesha lokuba ndiyigqibe", "ngokuqinisekileyo bekungekubi kangako", "uyayibaxa", "andiboni ngxaki" okanye "awunyanzelekanga zive njalo " baneenjongo ezintle, kodwa ezantsi bazenza zingasebenzi iimvakalelo anazo omnye umntu.
Ngokucacileyo, esi ayisosicwangciso silungileyo sokuzolisa omnye. Ngokuchasene ngqo. Isifundo esenziwe kwiYunivesithi yaseHarvard siveze ukuba abafundi abakhubazekileyo emva kokuchaza iimvakalelo zabo kwimeko yoxinzelelo baziva bebi kakhulu kwaye babonisa ukuphendula komzimba.
Kukho abo basolana ngokuziva ngendlela ethile. Amabinzana afana "Unobuzaza kakhulu", "uthatha yonke into ubuqu" okanye "uyinika ukubaluleka kakhulu" bayimizekelo yokungasebenzi ngokweemvakalelo apho umntu ofuna ukuqonda kunye nenkxaso egxekwa aze alahlwe.
Ewe kunjalo, ukunganyanzeleki ngokweemvakalelo ayisiyomlomo nje. Ukungakhathali kwintlungu yomnye okanye ukuxhalaba kukwayindlela yokungasebenzi kweemvakalelo zakhe. Ukunganikeli ngqalelo xa umntu ethetha ngesihloko esibalulekileyo okanye ukusijongela phantsi ngezimbo zomzimba okanye izimo zengqondo yenye indlela yokungasebenzi.
Kutheni le nto abantu bengazenzi iimvakalelo?
Ukungasebenzi ngokweemvakalelo kuhlala kwenzeka xa sichaza iimvakalelo zethu okanye sithetha ngamava. Inyani yile yokuba uninzi lwabantu luyakhubazeka ngenxa yokuba bengakwazi ukuqhubekeka neemvakalelo omnye abanika zona.
Ukuqinisekiswa ngokweemvakalelo kubandakanya inqanaba elithile lovelwano okanye Isandi esivakalayo. Oko kuthetha ukuba wazi ukuba ungazibeka njani kwezihlangwini zomnye umntu, umqonde kwaye uphile iimvakalelo zakhe. Ngamaxesha amaninzi, ezi mvakalelo zinokuba nzima kakhulu emntwini okanye zibe mbi ngokungathandekiyo, ngendlela engazamkeliyo kwaye, ngayo, ingasebenzi umntu ozifumanayo.
Ngapha koko, ayinakutyeshelwa into yokuba siphila kuluntu olungenakusebenza ngokunzulu ngokweemvakalelo apho imeko yelizwe ithathwa ngokuba "ngumqobo" ngelixa kunqulwa ingqiqo. Kuluntu olukhuthaza ukuqhubela phambili ngokukhawuleza, apho i-hedonism iyathandwa kwaye ukubandezeleka kufunwa ukufihla kuba kudala uxinzelelo oluninzi, ayimangalisi into yokuba abantu abaninzi bengakwazi ukuphatha iimvakalelo zabo ezingalunganga kwaye abakwazi ukubonelela ngokwasemoyeni.
Ngamanye amaxesha, ukungabinakho ukuvela kubangela ukuba umntu axakeke kakhulu ziingxaki zakhe ukuba angahambi ngokwembono yakhe azibeke ezihlangwini zomnye umntu. Kungenzeka ukuba lo mntu unzima ngokwenene kwaye udiniwe kangangokuba abanakho ukubonelela ngokuqinisekiswa ngokweemvakalelo. Okanye basenokuba ngabantu abazicingela bodwa ukuba bangajongi iimvakalelo zabo.
Iziphumo zokungasebenzi ngokweemvakalelo
Iingxaki kulawulo lweemvakalelo
Ukungasebenzi ngokweemvakalelo kuhlala kuvelisa ukudideka, amathandabuzo kunye nokungazithembi iimvakalelo zethu. Ukuba xa sichaza oko siziva, umntu osondeleyo nonentsingiselo usixelela ukuba akufuneki sizive, sinokuqala ukungathembi ukunyaniseka kwamava ethu. Nangona kunjalo, ukubuza iimvakalelo zethu akuyi kubenza ukuba banyamalale, kuya kwenza kube nzima kuthi ukuzilawula ngokuzithemba.
Ewe kufunyenwe ukuba xa ukungasebenzi kuthintela ukubonakaliswa kweemvakalelo eziphambili, ezinje ngokudabuka, kuhlala kukhokelela kukonyuka kweemvakalelo zesekondari ezinjengomsindo kunye neentloni. Uphononongo olwenziwe kwiDyunivesithi yaseWashington luveze ukuba abantu abasele benobunzima ekulawuleni iimvakalelo zabo bathanda ukusabela ngomsindo xa bengakufumani ukuqinisekiswa kwemvakalelo yosizi.
• Ukuvela kokuphazamiseka engqondweni
Ukukhubazeka ngokwasemphefumlweni kunokuba negalelo kumntu ochongiweyo okhulayo kwiingxaki zempilo yengqondo ezinje ngoxinzelelo okanye iimpawu ezibi. Xa ukungasebenzi kuvela kwesangqa sikufutshane kwaye kuyipateni ephindaphindayo ekuhambeni kwexesha, loo mntu uya kufunda ukucinezela iimvakalelo zabo, eziya kuthi ekugqibeleni zibachaphazele. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uzive uwedwa kwaye ungaqondwa kakuhle. Ngapha koko, isifundo esenziwe kwi- IYunivesithi yaseWayne State kutyhilwe ukuba ukungasebenzi ngokweemvakalelo kweqabane ngendlela echanekileyo kunokuqikelela ukubonakala komfanekiso oxinezelekileyo.
Isazi ngengqondo uMarsha M. Linehan ukholelwa ekubeni ukukhubazeka ngokweemvakalelo kunokuba yingozi ngakumbi kubantu abasemngciphekweni ngokweemvakalelo; Oko kukuthi, abo banovakalelo ngakumbi basabela ngamandla amakhulu kwaye bakufumanise kunzima ngakumbi ukufumana imeko yesiqhelo. Kwezi meko, ukuxelelwa ukuba iimpendulo zabo ngokweemvakalelo azichanekanga kwaye azifanelekanga kunokubangela ukungasebenzi kakuhle ngokweemvakalelo.
Ngapha koko, kuye kwafunyaniswa ukuba abantu ababekhubazeke ngokweemvakalelo ebuntwaneni babo kusenokwenzeka ukuba bahlupheke ngenxa yomda wobuntu, obonakaliswa kukungxamiseka, ukubanamandla ngokweemvakalelo, iimvakalelo ezingapheliyo zokungabi nto, kunye neengxaki zolawulo lweemvakalelo. Kwishumi elivisayo, ukukhubazeka ngokweemvakalelo kunxulunyaniswe nomngcipheko owandileyo wokuzenzakalisa.
Ungaziqinisekisa njani iimvakalelo?
Kuya kufuneka sigcine engqondweni ukuba iimpendulo zeemvakalelo kwiziganeko azikaze zichaneke okanye zichaneke. Into enokuthi ingafaneleki yimbonakalo yabo, kodwa ayisiyiyo imbonakalo yabo. Ke ngoko, akukho sizathu sokugweba, ukungahoyi okanye ukwala iimvakalelo, nokuba zithini na ixabiso lazo.
Ukuqinisekisa iimvakalelo zomnye umntu, kufuneka kuqala sizivulele kumava abo. Oku kuthetha ukuba ukulungele ukumamela ngononophelo kwaye ubekho ngokuzeleyo. Kufuneka sibeke ecaleni zonke iziphazamiso kwaye sizame ukunxibelelana ngokweemvakalelo.
Ikwathetha ukuba sikulungele ukubeka iingxaki zethu ecaleni ngalo mzuzu ukuze sizame uvelwano yomntu ophambi kwethu.
Okokugqibela, kubandakanya ukusebenzisa ngakumbi ulwimi oluqondayo kunye nolokuqonda apho izivakalisi zinje "Inokuba mbi" shwaka ukwenza indlela ye- "Ndicela uxolo ngokwenzekileyo kuwe", ukutshela "Kubonakala kukhathaza" ngaphandle kwe "Uyabaxa" o "Ndingenza ntoni ukukunceda?" ngaphandle kwe "Kufuneka ugqithe kuyo ”.
Ukuqinisekiswa ngokweemvakalelo bubugcisa obufundwayo. Kufuneka nje sibe nomonde kwaye siqonde.
Umda:
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I-Keng, S. & Sho, C. (2018) Umbutho phakathi kokungasebenzi kakuhle komntwana kunye neempawu zomda wobuntu: ukuzenza ngokwakho kunye nokuhambelana njengezinto zokumodareyitha. Ukuphazamiseka kumda wobuntu kunye nokudakumba ngokweemvakalelo; 5: 19.
Leong, LEM, Cano, A. & Johansen, AB (2011) Ulandelelwano olulinganayo kunye nohlalutyo lwereyithi yokuqinisekiswa kweemvakalelo kunye nokungasebenzi kwizibini ezingapheliyo: Imicimbi yesini yomonde. I-Journal of Pain; 12: 1140 -1148.
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UFruzzetti, AE, Shenk, C. & Hoffman, PD (2005) Ukunxibelelana kosapho kunye nokukhula kokungahambi kakuhle komntu kubuntu: Imodeli yentengiselwano. Uphuhliso kunye nePsychpathology; 17: 1007-1030.
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Umnyango Ukungasebenzi ngokweemvakalelo, xa abanye bezinciphisa okanye bezityeshela iimvakalelo zethu yaqala ukupapashwa ngo Ikhonkco lePsychology.
