Ubale uliwonse wa banja umaphatikizapo mikangano, kusagwirizana ndi zovuta, zomwe nthawi zambiri zimayambitsidwa ndi njira zosiyanasiyana zowonera dziko. Nyengo zinyake mikangano iyi yingatimbanizga masuzgo ndipo tikukhumbikwira kuyowoya. Kodi ndi lingaliro labwino kulankhula ndi achibale kapena abwenzi za mavuto a ubale kotero kuti athe kutipatsa maganizo awo kapena mwinamwake kuti catharsis ndi kutimasula ku kulemedwa kwamaganizo komwe amaimira?
Chiphunzitso cha triangulation kapena chachitatu mwa awiriwa
Murray Bowen, mpainiya wa chithandizo cha mabanja komanso m'modzi mwa omwe adayambitsa ma system therapy, adati m'malingaliro ake amtundu wabanja kuti. "Mchitidwe wamalingaliro amunthu awiri umakhala wosakhazikika, umalekerera kupsinjika pang'ono popanda kuphatikiza munthu wina".
Bowen amakhulupirira kuti ngakhale timatha kuthana ndi nkhawa, ikakhala yokhazikika imatha kukhala yovuta, kusokoneza luso lathu losiyanitsa ndikuyankha moyenera momwe tikumvera mnzathu. M'malo mwake, makona atatu amatha kupanikizika kwambiri pamene akuyenda pakati pa maubwenzi atatu.
Chifukwa chake, triangulation imachitika chifukwa chokhala ndi nkhawa. M'zochita, "timazungulira" kwambiri panthawi yachisokonezo, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti "timasiya" chiyanjano kuti tipeze chithandizo kuchokera kwa munthu wina. Bowen amakhulupirira kuti gulu lachitatu likhoza kulimbitsa ubale.
Nthanthi yautatu ikufotokoza chifukwa chake timamva kufunika kolankhula ndi achibale kapena anzathu za zovuta zaubwenzi kwinaku tikufunafuna thandizo lawo kuti achepetse kusamvana komwe kwayamba muubwenzi. Komabe, ngakhale makona atatu ndi okhazikika kuposa dyad, kasinthidwe koteroko nthawi zambiri kumapanga malo omwe munthu amachotsedwa. Ndipo mu ubale, kuchotsedwa kwamalingaliro uku sikungovuta kulekerera, koma kungayambitse kutha kwachindunji.
Kodi ndi bwino kuuza ena mavuto anu paubwenzi?
Ngakhale kuti makona atatu amawoneka othandiza poyamba, pamene nkhawa ikutha, vuto lalikulu lomwe linayambitsa chilakolako cha katatu silitha. Inde, Bowen mwiniwake adanena zimenezo "Kugawa kukangana kumatha kukhazikika dongosolo, koma sikuthetsa chilichonse". Izi zikutanthauza kuti, zitha kutithandiza kumasula nkhawa kwakanthawi komanso kukhumudwa, koma sizimathetsa vutolo. kusamvana kwaposachedwa.
Mu 2014, ofufuza a University of Auburn anaunika mabanja achichepere 82 ndipo anapeza kuti amene amakambitsirana za mavuto awo amakhala okhoza kukhala pamodzi m’kupita kwa nthaŵi. M’malo mwake, mwaŵi wa kulekana unakula pakati pa awo amene anauza mabwenzi ponena za mavuto awo aubwenzi.
Popenda maukwati ophatikizana 53, ofufuzawa adapeza kuti kuchuluka kwa kusakhutira muubwenzi ndiko chifukwa chachikulu chomwe anthu amalankhulira zovuta zaubwenzi ndi munthu wachitatu. Komabe, maubwenzi amenewo anali pachiwopsezo chachikulu cha kutha.
Kafukufuku wocheperako wa maanja 106 adapezanso kuti kukambirana nkhani zaubwenzi nthawi zonse ndi bwenzi ndipo nthawi zambiri ndi okondedwa kumalumikizidwa ndi chimwemwe chochepa, kulolerana, ndi chikondi muubwenzi. M'malo mwake, maubwenzi omwe adagwira ntchito ndikulimbitsa pakapita nthawi ndi omwe mamembala adadzipereka kwa wina ndi mnzake ndikuthana ndi mavuto ndi mnzawo.
Nthawi zambiri, kufunafuna thandizo lakunja pamene ubale ufika povuta kapena mnzathu sakulabadira pakokha si chinthu choipa. Nthawi zina malingaliro akunja angatithandize kuwona zinthu moyenera kapena kutilozera ku zolakwa zomwe tikupanga. Nthawi zina kuyang'ana kunja kungatithandize kuti titulukemo ubale woopsa.
Kunena zoona, vuto si kufunafuna maganizo osiyana kapena kufotokoza nkhawa zathu, koma kulephera kupeza kuti maganizo thandizo mnzathu, osamasuka kuthana ndi vuto kapena kugunda khoma la mphwayi ndi 'kusamvetsetsa. Ngati ndi choncho, tili ndi vuto lalikulu kwambiri.
Conco, tiyenela kudzifunsa kuti n’cifukwa ciani tifunika kuuza acibale kapena anzathu za mavuto a m’cikwati. Ngati ubale ukulephereka ndipo timaupeza wosakhutiritsa kapena wina wakula mtunda wamalingaliro, kulankhula za mavuto kwa ena mwina sikungamupulumutse, pokhapokha titagwiritsa ntchito nzeru za munthu wachitatu kuthana ndi mavutowo. mikangano iwiri m'njira yowonjezera yomwe imatilola kuti tiyandikire kwa wokondedwa wathu kuti tithetsere pamodzi vuto lenileni lomwe limayambitsa chiyanjano.
Malire:
Jensen, JF & Rauer, AJ (2014) Kutembenukira mkati motsutsana ndi kunja: Ntchito yaubwenzi mwa achinyamata akuluakulu ndi machitidwe achikondi. Ubwenzi Wamunthu; 21 (3): 451-467.
Jensen, JF (2014) Kukambirana zamavuto anga achikondi ndi mnzanga wapamtima: Kuwunika kwaubwenzi kwanthawi yayitali kwa mabanja achichepere ndi akulu. Thesis ya udokotala. Mu: Yunivesite ya Auburn.
Pakhomo Kodi tiyenera kuuza achibale kapena anzathu za mavuto a ubale? idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.
