Anthu ambiri samadziwa malire a malire awo. Amakhulupirira kuti ndi okhwimitsa zinthu ndipo sayenera kukhalapo. M'malo mwake, malire athu amatithandiza kukhalabe ndi maubwenzi abwino ndikutithandiza kukhala ndi moyo wabwino.
Popanda malire, maubale sangayende bwino ndikukwaniritsidwa, chifukwa chake amakhumudwa, kukwiya komanso kukhumudwa. Kukhoza kukhazikitsa mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya malire ndikofunikira kuteteza malo athu ndikudziwika, zomwe zimateteza thanzi lathu nthawi yayitali.
M'malo mwake, kafukufuku wopangidwa ku University of South Australia idawulula kuti ogwira ntchito yazaumoyo amathandizira malire m'moyo watsiku ndi tsiku, nthawi zambiri osawadziwa, kuti adziteteze ku zowawa zamaganizidwe.
Vuto, chifukwa chake, silimalire, koma malire osakwanira. Malire siabwino kapena oyipa pa se. Zimangodalira momwe timawagwiritsira ntchito.
Munthu amene sakhazikitsa malire ku ubale wawo atha kuwoneka wotseguka komanso womvera, komanso amadziwonetsera kuti akupwetekedwa mosalekeza kapena kuchitiridwa nkhanza ndi ena. Kumbali inayi, munthu yemwe ali ndi malire okhwima kwambiri amadzichotsa paubwenzi ndipo sangakhale ndi malo ochezera ochezera anthu oti angawathandize munthawi zovuta kwambiri. Chinsinsi, monga chilichonse m'moyo, ndichabwino.
Malire anu ndi ati?
Malire athu ndi malamulo athu omwe timakhazikitsa muubwenzi. Ndiwo mtundu wongoyerekeza kapena chishango chomwe chimatilekanitsa kapena kutiteteza kwa ena pamene akuyesa kusokoneza athu kulingalira bwino, mwadala kapena mosadziwa.
Malamulowa amatanthauza kuwonetsa mizere yathu yofiira, zinthu zomwe sitikuloleza kapena zomwe sitili omasuka nazo. Pali zitsanzo zambiri za malire athanzi: osalola kuchititsidwa manyazi, kusankha zomwe tingachite ndi nthawi yathu yopumula, kutsatira zomwe timakhulupirira kapena kuteteza zinsinsi zathu.
Mitundu 3 yamalire amunthu
1. Malire okhwima
Malire amtunduwu amadziwika ndi malamulo osasinthika omwe munthuwo amawagwiritsa ntchito mosasamala kanthu za komwe kuli kapena ufulu ndi zosowa za ena. Anthu awa amaganiza kuti zikhulupiriro zawo, malingaliro awo kapena zosowa zawo ndizo zokhazo zomwe zingatheke ndipo sasiya malo ena kwa ena, ndikutseka kuti asinthe.
M'malo mwake, iwo omwe ali ndi malire okhwima amapewa kuyanjana ndi anzawo ndipo amasungabe ubale wapakati. Imakhazikitsa zopinga zomwe zimakhala zovuta kuthana nazo, ndichifukwa chake zimakonda kukhala ndi abwenzi ochepa. Anthuwa sangathe kupempha thandizo akakhala ndi vuto chifukwa amakonda kuti azisunga okha.
Ndiwo anthu omwe amateteza zachinsinsi kwambiri, mpaka kuwoneka ngati ozizira komanso otalikirana, ngakhale ndi anzawo. M'malo mwake, malire okhwima nthawi zambiri amakhala chifukwa chodzitchinjiriza popeza anthuwa amakonda kuyika ena patali kuti apewe kukanidwa. Malire ndi makoma am'maganizo momwe amatetezera.
2. Malire akutali
Munthu yemwe ali ndi malire olowera alibe malire amalingaliro kapena amalephera kwambiri. Samasunga chilichonse kwa iye yekha, samavutika kuuza mavuto apamtima, ngakhale kwa omwe sawadziwa, chifukwa chake nthawi zambiri amadziwonetsera osafunikira.
Amakonda kutenga nawo mbali kwambiri pamavuto a anthu ena, mpaka kumvetsetsa matenda akumvera chisoni. Kulephera kwa malire kumeneku kumamupangitsanso kukhala pachiwopsezo chazomwe amamuchitira, ndichifukwa chake nthawi zambiri amakhala munthu womazunzidwa kapena wopanda ulemu. Nthawi zambiri amadzimva kuti ndi amene amachititsa mavuto a ena kapena kudziimba mlandu chifukwa cha momwe ena akumvera.
M'malo mwake, zimawavuta kunena kuti "ayi" pazokakamiza za ena, chifukwa chake pamapeto pake amadzadzichititsa ndi ntchito zomwe sizikugwirizana ndi iye. Pansi pamalire opondera pamakhala kukonzanso kwamphamvu komanso kudalira kwambiri malingaliro a ena. Poopa kukanidwa pakati pa anthu, anthuwa amakonda kugonjera ndi kumasula malire awo polola kuti ena azikakamiza zofuna zawo, zofuna zawo kapena malingaliro awo.
3. Malire abwino
Anthu omwe ali ndi malire abwino amakhala osamala. Amamvetsetsa zamakhalidwe awo ndipo amadziwa momwe sangafune kunyengerera, koma amatha kusintha malinga ndi momwe zinthu ziliri ndipo, ngati kuli kofunikira, amakulitsa malire awo. Amadziwa zosowa zawo komanso zomwe amafuna ndipo amatha kuwalankhula motsimikiza. Zikutanthauza kuti amadziwa kunena "ayi" pomwe zopemphazo ndizochulukirapo, osadzimva kuti ndi olakwa. Komanso landirani "ayi" yankho.
Malire amtunduwu amatilola kusiyanitsa momwe timamvera, malingaliro athu ndi malingaliro athu kuchokera kwa ena ndipo amatithandiza kutenga udindo wawo, koma nthawi yomweyo amatilepheretsa kuimba mlandu ena omwe sakugwirizana nafe.
Anthu omwe ali ndi malire abwino amakhazikitsa ubale wabwino pomwe amagawana zambiri zaumwini moyenera. Samapereka malingaliro pakusintha koyamba, komanso samanga makoma pomwe ubale ukupitilira. Malire athanzi amabwera chifukwa chodzidalira kwambiri ndikukhala ndi chidaliro chachikulu pazomwe mungakwanitse kuchita. Kudzidalira kumeneku ndi komwe kumakulolani kuti muzindikire zolakwitsa ndikupanga malire osinthasintha kapena kukulitsa pakufunika.
M'dziko labwino, tiyenera kugwiritsa ntchito malire abwino pamagawo onse amoyo. Komabe, zimativuta kugwiritsa ntchito malire amitundu yosiyanasiyana. Mwachitsanzo, titha kukhala ndi malire okhwima kuntchito, komwe sitimalola chilichonse kudutsa, koma timagwiritsa ntchito malire olowa m'banja kapena muubwenzi ndi mnzathu mpaka kugwa kudalira kwamalingaliro. Chifukwa chake, nthawi zonse kumakhala koyenera kuganiziranso malire athu.
Momwe mungakhalire malire athanzi komanso olimbikira?
Ndizofunikira kudziikira malire kapena m'mayanjano ndi ena. Kafukufuku wopangidwa ku Yunivesite ya Innsbruck, mwachitsanzo, adapeza kuti mavuto akuntchito akamadutsa malire amisala, banja lathu limalipira ngongoleyo.
M'malo mwake, malire athanzi amakhala ndi chitetezo. Zimatilepheretsa kupereka uphungu wosafunikira ndikulowerera m'miyoyo ya ena, komanso kupewa ena kutilowerera kwambiri. Amatithandizanso kuti tisadzudzule ena komanso kuti tisakhale awo mbuzi.
Chikhalidwe chimodzi sine qua ayi kukhazikitsa malire oyenera ndikuzindikira momwe timamvera, malingaliro athu ndi udindo wathu kwa ife eni komanso kwa ena. Ngati sitikudziwa bwinobwino kuti ndife ndani komanso zomwe tikufuna, sitingathe kukhazikitsa malire.
Chikhalidwe china kuti malirewa azigwira ntchito ndikudziwa momwe mungalumikizire nawo. Kuti tichite izi, tiyenera kuganizira kwambiri za ife eni. Tiyenera kuwonekeratu kuti malire athu amatiteteza, osati kuwongolera ena.
Ndiye m'malo mouza munthu: "Siyani kulowerera m'moyo wanga" Mutha kunena: "Ndi nkhani yaumwini, ndipanga chisankho". Ndi chiganizo choyamba, munthuyo atha kumva kuti waukiridwadi kapena kupwetekedwa ngati akufuna kukuthandizani mwachilungamo. Ndi chiganizo chachiwiri mukukana mwaulemu thandizo lake mukakhazikitsa malire anu.
Tikayesetsa kukhazikitsa malire chifukwa chakukwiya kapena chifukwa choti tanyozedwa, iwo samvera. Malire sanapangidwe kuti atilange, koma kuteteza moyo wathu. Chifukwa chake, amakhala othandiza kwambiri tikamawatsimikizira koma molimba mtima komanso modekha.
Mfundo yachitatu yofunikira yomwe tiyenera kukumbukira ndikuti nthawi zambiri sitingakhazikitse malire amtundu uliwonse popanda kufotokoza zotsatirapo zake. Mwanjira ina, tikakhazikitsa malire, tiyenera kufotokoza kwa ena chifukwa chake zili zofunika kwa ife komanso momwe tingafunire kuti titeteze. Mwanjira imeneyi munthu winayo atha kupanga chisankho chanzeru.
Mwachidule, chinsinsi chokhazikitsa malire abwino ndikumvetsetsa zomwe tikufuna ndikukhala omveka bwino ndi ena, nthawi zonse pamakhalidwe aulemu ndi kudzipereka. Kukhazikitsa malire sikodzikonda. Nthawi zonse mukanena kuti "ayi" pachinthu chomwe chakupwetekani, mumakhala kuti "inde" kwa inu nokha.
Malire:
Maganizo a Hayward, RM Tuckey, MR (2011) mu yunifolomu: Momwe anamwino amawongolera momwe amagwirira ntchito kudzera m'malire. Ubale Waumunthu; 64 (11): 1501-1523.
Hoge, T. (2009) Mavuto akuntchito akamadutsa malire amalingaliro: kufunsa za ubale wapakati pa kukakamizidwa kwa nthawi, kukwiya, kusamvana kwamabanja ndi madandaulo amisala. Kupsinjika ndi Thanzi; 25 (1): 41-51.
Stiles, A. & Raney, TJ (2004) Ubale Pakati Pamagawo Aumwini, Kulandila anzawo, ndi Kutchuka kwa Anzanu mu Achinyamata. Zolemba za Nursing Psychiatric ya Ana ndi Achinyamata; (17): 1-29.
Pakhomo Pali mitundu itatu yamalire amunthu, koma m'modzi yekha ndi wathanzi idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.
