M'malo azachuma masiku ano, njira yopezera ufulu wodziyimira pawokha kwa achinyamata ikukhala nthawi yayitali komanso yovuta. Kuvuta kwa kupeza ntchito yokhazikika ndi kukwera mtengo kwa moyo kumapangitsa kudalira kwambiri makolo, kusunga ana kunyumba kwautali kuposa momwe ankachitira zaka makumi angapo zapitazo.
Zoonadi, chithandizo chamaganizo ndi chachuma chimenechi chingakhale chokumana nacho chabwino ngati ana pomalizira pake atha kudziimira paokha, koma pamene zaka zikupita ndipo zomangira za kudalirana zimalimba, pamapeto pake zimakhala zovuta, kwa makolo ndi kwa ana. mwana amene sapeza njira yake m'moyo.
Kodi Authorized Addiction Syndrome ndi chiyani?
Authorized Dependence Syndrome ndizochitika zomwe akuluakulu akupitirizabe kudalira kwambiri makolo awo, ngakhale kuti alibe chilema, mpaka izi zimalepheretsa kukula kwawo kwabwino. Ana akuluakulu samachoka panyumba, ndipo izi zimatha kuyambitsa mayendedwe oyipa pakati pawo ndi makolo awo.
Kaŵirikaŵiri ana ameneŵa amakhala okwiya nthaŵi zonse ndi oipidwa ndipo amayembekezera makolo awo kukwaniritsa zofuna zawo zosayembekezereka. Iwo kaŵirikaŵiri amaimba ena mlandu kaamba ka mavuto awo ndipo alibe chifundo chochepa, chotero samasonyeza chiyamikiro chochepa pa chirichonse chimene makolo awo amawachitira.
Ana achikulirewa amakhulupirira kuti makolo ayenera kukhala owasamalira, kuwawona ngati oteteza nthawi zonse, ndiyeno amakulitsa chizoloŵezi champhamvu. Komabe, m’mitima mwawo kaŵirikaŵiri sakhala osangalala chifukwa chakuti sapeza njira ndi kukulitsa luso lawo, kosalekeza mumthunzi wa chisamaliro cha makolo.
Kunyumba ndi makolo ake: chifukwa chiyani ana sangathe kudziyimira pawokha?
Mu sewero lanthabwala la 2006 la "Failure to Launch," Matthew McConaughey adasewera bambo wazaka 35 yemwe sanafune kuchoka panyumba ya makolo ake chifukwa amamasuka kwambiri ndi moyowo. Nkhani yake inalimbikitsa mawu oti "kuponya mophonya" ponena za kulera komwe kumalephera kutsogolera ana ku ufulu wodzilamulira.
Koma kukakhala kulakwa kuimba mlandu makolo okha chifukwa, pansi pamtima, amangosonyeza makhalidwe ndi ziyembekezo za anthu. Zowonadi, m'zaka makumi angapo zapitazi kulera ana kwasintha kwambirikutetezedwa mopitirira muyeso kwa makolo.
Kale, ana ambiri ankasewera mumsewu mpaka kulowa kwa dzuwa ndipo akuluakulu onse anali ndi mphamvu zowadzudzula ngati achita zoipa. Makolo sankalowererapo pang’ono m’mikangano ya ana awo kuti awaphunzitse kuwathetsa paokha. Kunyumba tinkayenera kutsatira malamulo ena ndipo tikalakwitsa timalipira.
Chotero tinaphunzira zimenezo moyo si wachilungamo ndipo sizikhala zomasuka nthawi zonse. Taphunzira kuthetsa mikangano yathu ndi kuthana ndi zokhumudwitsa ndi zokhumudwitsa. Ndipo koposa zonse, tinkafuna kudziimira tokha kuti tizitsatira malamulo athu. M’lingaliro lina, chilango cha makolo chimenecho pang’onopang’ono chinatitsogolera ku kudzilamulira ndi kudziimira.
Kusapeza bwino kumeneko kunatithandiza kukulitsa maluso ofunikira kuti tikhale achikulire odziimira paokha. Komabe, masiku ano "makolo a helikopitamwina anatsegulira njira ana awo mopambanitsa. Mwakufuna kuti iwo akhale ndi moyo wabwinopo, iwo akuwatetezera “zolephera” zofunika kuti akule.
Vuto ndilakuti popewa mavuto ndi zokhumudwitsa, amalepheretsanso luso la ana awo powalepheretsa kukumana ndi zovuta zomwe zimawapangitsa kuti akule bwino. Patapita nthawi, ana anasiya kuphunzira kuthetsa mavuto paokha ndipo anazolowera kutembenukira kwa akuluakulu.
Tsoka ilo, paubwana ndi unyamata, luso lalikulu lolimbana ndi ana amaphunzira ndikupempha makolo kuti awathandize akakhala ndi vuto. Choncho, akadzakula, tisadabwe kuti sadziwa choti achite n’kuyamba kutsatira njira yokhayo imene akudziwa: funsani thandizo kwa amayi ndi abambo. Kapena choipitsitsabe, amawasokoneza mwamalingaliro kuti awathandize.
Sizongochitika mwangozi kuti akatswiri a zamaganizo a California State University apeza kuti makolo akamatsatira njira yolerera ana imene ili yowalamulira kwambiri, ana awo amakula mosadzidalira ndipo akakula amakhulupirira kuti ali ndi ufulu wopanda malire. Authorized Addiction Syndrome yapezedwanso kuti imachitika makamaka makolo akamaona ana awo ngati chowonjezera chawo.
Chifukwa chake, nthawi zambiri, makolo achifundo mopambanitsa ndi omwe ali kumbuyo kwa matenda oledzeretsa omwe ali ndi chilolezo, omwe amamvera zisonyezo zilizonse za kusapeza kwa ana awo ndipo akupitilizabe kuyesa kuthetsa mavuto awo onse. Nthawi zina, makolo samadziwa choti achite kuti ana awo adziimira okha komanso kukhala ndi moyo wawo.
Kumbali ina ya ndalamayi kuli achinyamata achikulire omwe akuvutika kwambiri kupeza njira yawoyawo, m'maganizo ndi m'zachuma. Analowa uchikulire wosakonzekera bwino m'maganizo kuti athane ndi zokhumudwitsa komanso zovuta pamoyo.
Akakanidwa ntchito, amasiya chifukwa sanaphunzire kulimbikira. Sindingathe kuthana ndi maudindo a tsiku ndi tsiku ndi mikangano yosapeŵeka ya ubale. Ali ndi ziyembekezo zopanda nzeru za moyo, kuyembekezera kuti ena akwaniritse zosowa zawo kapena kuziika patsogolo. Ndipo amakhulupirira kuti ali ndi ufulu wopeza zinthu zakuthupi ngakhale kuti sangakwanitse.
Chifukwa cha zimenezi, amakhala omasuka kukhala panyumba pampando pamene makolo awo akukonza mavuto awo, kukhala ndi udindo, ndi kulipira ngongole zonse mpaka atakwanitsa zaka 30 kapena kuposerapo.
Kodi kukhala panyumba ndi makolo kumakhala vuto liti?
Kuyenera kumveketsedwa bwino kuti chenicheni chakuti munthu wamkulu amakhala ndi makolo awo mwa icho chokha sichili choipa, kapena chenicheni chakuti makolo amathandiza ana awo pamene akuchifuna. Mfundo yoti ana amatembenukira kwa makolo awo akakhala ndi vuto kuti awathandize kapena kuwalangiza si chinthu choipanso.
Makolo angathandize ana awo mwachikondi ndiponso ndi zolinga zabwino, koma m’kupita kwa nthaŵi tasiya kusamalira ana athu n’kukhala magwero okhawo a moyo. Zimenezi zinakhazikitsa lingaliro lakuti ntchito ya makolo siichitidwa konse ndi kuti ali ndi thayo la kuwongolera zolakwa za ana awo ndi kuwasamalira m’moyo wawo wonse.
Vuto limakhala pamene mwana wamkuluyo sali wodziimira ndipo sakufuna kukhala. Pamene sangathe kuthetsa vuto lililonse payekha ndipo alibe dongosolo la moyo wake. Pamene akuganiza kuti sangathe kuchita zinthu payekha ndipo amafuna kuti makolo ake azigwira ntchito zake.
Vuto limakhalapo pamene makolo amakhala omangika kwa moyo wonse kwa mwana amene sakufuna kukula, kusonkhezera chosankha chawo chilichonse pa icho. Pamene sangathe kusangalala ndi kupuma kwawo mwamtendere, sakhala omasuka kapena ayenera kuvomereza kukhala "mbuzi za Azazeliza kulephera kwa ana awo.
M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, kukhalirana kotereku kumabweretsa kukhumudwa kwakukulu kumbali zonse ziwiri. Mwanayo sasangalala ndiponso makolowo sasangalala chifukwa aliyense amakhala ndi maganizo oti alephera.
Kodi mungawalimbikitse bwanji ana kuti azidziimira okha?
Mileme ya mitundu Uroderma bilobatum amapatsa ana awo mphasa zing'onozing'ono kuti ziwathandize "kukhwima." Mwanjira imeneyi zimathandiza kuti mikono ya ana aang’ono ikule mofulumira kuposa thupi lonse kuti aphunzire kuuluka. Ana agalu a perege amakupiza mapiko ndi kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi ali pachisa, amayi amawagwira pamilomo yawo ndi kuwagwetsa kuti aphunzire kuuluka, ndikuwongolera kuwuluka kwawo mumlengalenga kuti asagwere pansi .
Chilengedwe chimatiphunzitsa kuti ndikofunikira kupeza malire pakati pa chitetezo ndi kudziyimira pawokha. Choncho, chinsinsi chothetsera vutoli ndi kuthandiza ana kukhala ndi luso lolimbana ndi vutoli komanso kuti azidzidalira. Nthawi zambiri izi zikutanthauza kulola ana kukhala ndi vuto linalake kuti aphunzire kuthana ndi kukhumudwako.
M’malo moganiza kuti mwana wanu wamkulu ndi mbalame yopanda mphamvu imene mapiko ake sangamuthandize akachoka pachisa, ganizirani kuti ndi munthu wodzidalira komanso wotha kuthawa. Musalole kuti kutengeka mtima ngati kuopa zimene zingamuchitikire kukuchititseni kumuona komanso kumuchitira zinthu ngati mwana.
Kuwona ana anu ngati osakhoza kumawalepheretsa ndipo kumawasunga pansi pa mapiko anu. Choncho, azindikire iwo kwa akuluakulu omwe ali. N’kutheka kuti poyamba mwana wamkuluyo sangasangalale ndi zimene akuchita kuti akwaniritse udindo wake, koma musamadziimbe mlandu. Ndipotu, kuchuluka kwa kusapeza n'kofunika tulukani m'malo abwino.
Monga mayi kapena tate, mudzakhalapo kwa ana anu nthawi zonse. Koma chilichonse chili ndi malire. Ndipo malire amenewo ndi pamene thandizo lanu limawapweteka. Ntchito ya makolo sikuteteza ana awo kosatha, koma kuwaphunzitsa kuti aphunzire kudziteteza ndi kuyang’anizana ndi moyo paokha.
Malire:
Lebowitz, E. et. ku ku. (2012) Maphunziro a makolo pakukana kopanda chiwawa kwa akuluakulu omwe ali ndi ufulu wodalira. Fam process; 51 (1): 90-106.
Givertz, M. & Segrin, C. (2012) The Association Pakati pa Makolo Okhudzidwa Kwambiri ndi Achinyamata Achikulire 'Kudzidalira, Kuyenerera Maganizo, ndi Kuyankhulana kwa Banja. Research Research; 41 (8): 10.1177.
Bishop, J., & Lane, RC (2002) Mphamvu ndi zoopsa za kukhala ndi ufulu. Malingaliro Psychology ya Psychoanalytic; 19(4): 739-758.
Pakhomo Authorized addiction syndrome, ana akuluakulu omwe amakana kuchoka panyumba idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.
