Ngakhale maubale amatha - muyenera kudziwa kutsazikana pa nthawi yoyenera

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Timabadwa osungira. Timasonkhanitsa zinthu, zochitika, malingaliro, zikhulupiriro, zizolowezi. Ndipo, ndithudi, maubwenzi. Kukulira mu chikhalidwe cha "chilichonse ndi zina zambiri", timakhala ndi moyo ngati chowonjezera chosalekeza. Sitimakonda kufufuta. Chifukwa chake, sizovuta kuti titha kunyamula katundu wolemera katundu wamalingaliro kapena timakoka malipoti otha ntchito.

Kaŵirikaŵiri pamafunika kulimba mtima kwambiri kusiya munthu amene tinalota naye maloto ndi kutaya mtima m’malo moumirirabe. Kaŵirikaŵiri kumakhala kosavuta kuumirira kusiyana ndi kuuleka, chifukwa nthaŵi zambiri kuthetsa maubwenzi ameneŵa kuli ngati kuleka mbali ina ya ife tokha, malingaliro ogawana omwe mwina sitidzawamvanso. Koma nthawi zina kuti mupite patsogolo muyenera kuvomereza kuti maubwenzi ena ataya raison d'etre.

Maubwenzi omwe sasintha amatha kuwonongeka

Palibe chomwe chili chokhazikika, makamaka maubale. Koma chifukwa kusanzikana kumawononga ndalama, nthawi zambiri kuzindikira kuti chibwenzi chatha kumakhala magwero a mavuto.

Ubale ukhoza kuzizira pazifukwa zingapo, kuyambira kusokoneza kugawana zikhalidwe, zokonda, zokhumba ndi mapulojekiti, mpaka pakuwonekera kwa mikangano kapena chifukwa chakuti munthu aliyense amatenga njira yosiyana m'moyo.

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Zoona zake n’zakuti, tikayang’ana m’mbuyo, tidzaona kuti ndi anthu ochepa kwambiri amene amakhalabe ndi chikhulupiriro chofanana ndi chogwirizana. Ngakhale zitakhala zowawa, ndizochitika zachilendo. Moyo umasintha ndipo timasintha ndi moyo. Zokumana nazo zosiyanasiyana komanso njira zosiyanasiyana zochitira nazo zingatitsogolere m'njira zosiyanasiyana.

Timasintha ndi zaka komanso kuwonongeka. Sitili anthu ofanana ndi mmene tinalili zaka XNUMX zapitazo, kapenanso mmene tinalili chaka chatha. Ngati sitisintha ziyembekezo zathu ndi njira zoyankhulirana, ubalewu ukhoza kugwera pansi pa kulemera kwake, ngati tsamba lofota m'dzinja.

Izi zikachitika, kugwirizana komwe kunatibweretsa pamodzi kutayika, kusunga ubale kungathe kuvulaza kwambiri kuposa ubwino. Kuti zinthu zimene kale zinali zokongola zisawonongeke, tiyenera kuphunzira kutero kutseka mabwalo a moyo.

Kusiya maubwenzi omwe sakuyenda bwino ndikuwonetsanso chikondi ndi ulemu

M’kupita kwa zaka sizitichititsa kusanzikana, makamaka tikazindikira kuti palibe kubwerera m’mbuyo kapena kuti munthuyo wachita mbali yofunika kwambiri pa moyo wathu.

Ndipotu nthawi zina sitimamatira kwa munthuyo, koma kumverera kwa mgwirizano umene tinali nawo, mgwirizano wapadera umene tinapanga ndi matanthauzo onse omwe uli nawo m'maganizo mwathu. Wafilosofi Matthew Ratcliffe amatchula chodabwitsa ichi ngati "malo ogawana nawo achibale."

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M'malo mwake, ubale uliwonse umabwera ndi katundu wamalingaliro wopangidwa ndi zomwe takumana nazo komanso zokhutiritsa, kuchokera pachitetezo ndi chidaliro chomwe timakhala ndi munthu wina kupita ku chisangalalo kapena mwachisawawa. Nthawi zambiri timavutika kuti tidzilekanitse ndi malo ogwirizanawo, choncho timayamba kuyesa "Kukangana kosalekeza pakati pa maiko awiri, zakale zomwe munthu akupitiliza kukhalamo komanso zomwe zilibe tanthauzo ndipo zikuwoneka kuti zili kutali kwambiri", monga anenera Ratcliffe.

Komabe, kusiya nthawi yoyenera kudzateteza mikangano kuti isakule ndipo kusiyana kungawononge ubwenziwo. Izi zikachitika, tikamamatira ku ubale womwe udatha kwa nthawi yayitali, zokumbukira zabwino zimasanduka chitonzo. Chisangalalo chogawana chimasanduka kukhumudwa kowawa.

Ichi ndichifukwa chake kusiya maubwenzi omwe adatha sikungowonetsa chikondi chokha, komanso kulemekezana wina ndi mnzake komanso zomwe takumana nazo. Timasintha ndipo ubale wathu umasintha - kaya timakonda kapena ayi. Palibe vuto. Tiyenera kungovomereza kuti, ngakhale zitapweteka, ndikofunikira kuthetsa chinthu chomwe chilibe tsogolo.


Zokumbukira zimatha kukhala zamtengo wapatali, malinga ngati zikhalabe zakale ndipo sitikhala nazo. Malingana ngati sangatikakamize kukhalabe ndi zizolowezi zomwe sitikuzidziwanso kapena malinga ngati satitsutsa kuti tizikhala mu chiyanjano chosafunidwa chomwe chimabweretsa kusakhutira kwambiri kuposa chisangalalo.

Choyenera ndikusiya maubwenzi panthawi yoyenera. Nthawi imeneyo pamene tizindikira kuti sitingathe kupitiriza kuchitirana zabwino. Sitingathe kupitiriza kukula limodzi. Ife sitiri anthu abwino pamodzi, koma choipa. Mphindi imeneyo pamene tizindikira kuti ubalewo wataya tanthauzo lake ndipo alibe chiyembekezo cha kusintha, ziribe kanthu momwe tingayesere. Kumusiya kuti apite nthawi imeneyo kudzatipulumutsa ku mavuto ambiri ndikusunga kukumbukira kwamtengo wapatali, kulepheretsa "malo ogawana nawo" amtengo wapataliwo kuti asaipitsidwe kotheratu.

Chitsime:

Ratcliffe, M. (2021) Kukhalapo kwapang'onopang'ono popanda mikhalidwe yomverera: kafukufuku waphenomenological wa zikhulupiriro zakuferedwa. Phenomenology ndi Cognitive Sciences; 20: 601-616.

Pakhomo Ngakhale maubale amatha - muyenera kudziwa kutsazikana pa nthawi yoyenera idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.

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