Kodi mumakwiya nthawi zambiri, koma simudziwa momwe mungapewere mkwiyo ndikulephera kuugwira mtima? Simuli nokha. Zinachitika kwa tonsefe. M'malo mwake, mkwiyo ndi yankho lomwe limayambitsidwa tikamawona kuti zomwe tikuyembekezera zakhumudwitsidwa kapena zinthu sizikuyenda monga momwe tidapangira.
Tikamatulutsa mkwiyo, nthawi zambiri timalankhula kapena kuchita zinthu zomwe pambuyo pake timamva nazo chisoni. Monga Ambrose Bierce, wolemba waku America, adati, "Lankhulani mopanda kuletsa mkwiyo ndipo mudzalankhula bwino lomwe mungadandaule." Ndicho chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuti tiphunzire kuthana ndiukali ndipo ngati zingatheke, tipewe.
Nthano ya mimbulu iwiri yomwe imatithandiza kumvetsetsa mkwiyo
Amati tsiku lina Cherokee wachikulire adaganiza kuti inali nthawi yoti afalitse imodzi phunziro la moyo kwa mdzukulu wake. Anamupempha kuti apite naye kuthengo ndipo, atakhala pansi pa mtengo waukulu, adayamba kumuuza zakumenya nkhondo komwe kumachitika mumtima mwa munthu aliyense:
“Wokondedwa mphwake, uyenera kudziwa kuti m'maganizo ndi mumtima mwa munthu aliyense muli zovuta zosatha. Ngati simukudziwa, nthawi ina mudzachita mantha ndikukhalabe pamikhalidwe. Nkhondo imeneyi ilinso mumtima mwa okalamba komanso anzeru ngati ine.
“Mimbulu iwiri ikuluikulu imakhala mumtima mwanga, yoyera ina yakuda. Nkhandwe yoyera ndiyabwino, yokoma mtima komanso yokonda, imakonda mgwirizano ndipo imangomenya nkhondo ikafuna kudziteteza kapena kusamalira okondedwa. Nkhandwe yakuda, komano, imakhala yachiwawa komanso yokwiya nthawi zonse. Vuto laling'ono limatulutsa mkwiyo wake womwe amamenya nawo nkhondo popanda chifukwa. Maganizo ake ndi odzaza ndi udani koma mkwiyo wake ulibe ntchito chifukwa umangomubweretsera mavuto. Tsiku lililonse nkhandwe ziwirizi zimamenyana mumtima mwanga ”.
Mdzukuluyo adafunsa agogo aja kuti: "Mapeto ake, ndi iti mwa mimbulu iwiri yomwe ipambane nkhondoyi?"
Mkulu uja adayankha kuti: “Zonsezi, chifukwa ndikadyetsa nkhandwe yoyera yokha, nkhandwe yakuda imabisala mumdima ndipo ndikangosokonezedwa, imatha kuukira nkhandwe yabwinoyo. M'malo mwake, ndikamayang'ana ndikuyesera kuti ndimvetse momwe imakhalira, ndimatha kugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zake nthawi yomwe ndimafunikira. Chifukwa chake mimbulu yonse itha kukhala limodzi ndi mgwirizano wina ".
Mdzukulu adasokonezeka: "Zatheka bwanji kuti onse awine?"
Cherokee wakale adamwetulira ndikufotokozera: “Nkhandwe yakuda ili ndi mikhalidwe ina yomwe tingafune nthawi zina, ndiyosasamala komanso yokhazikika, ndiyanzeru komanso imatha kuzindikira. Maso ake omwe anazolowera mdima amatha kutichenjeza za zoopsa ndikutipulumutsa.
"Ndikawadyetsa onse awiri, sadzalimbana mwamphamvu wina ndi mnzake kuti agonjetse malingaliro anga, ndiye kuti nditha kusankha nkhandwe nthawi iliyonse."
Kodi tiyenera kumvetsetsa chiyani kuti tipewe kupsa mtima?
Nthano yakaleyi ikutisiyira phunziro lofunika kwambiri: kupsinjika mkwiyo kuli ngati nkhandwe yanjala, yowopsa. Ngati sitikudziwa momwe tingawongolere, zitha kutha nthawi iliyonse. Pachifukwa ichi, sitiyenera kubisa kapena kupondereza malingaliro olakwika koma tiyenera kuvomereza, kuwamvetsetsa ndikuwongolera.
Tikakwiya, zimachitika zenizeni kugwidwa m'maganizo. Amygdala, mawonekedwe aubongo, amatenga ndi "kudula" ma lobes akutsogolo, omwe ndi omwe amatilola kuti tiwonetse ndikudziyang'anira tokha. Ndiye tikakwiya, tikhoza kumangonena kapena kuchita zinthu zomwe tinganong’oneze nazo bondo pambuyo pake.
Komabe, mkwiyo ulinso kutengeka ndi mphamvu yayikulu yopatsa mphamvu. Zimatikakamiza kuchitapo kanthu ndipo m'malo ena zimakhala zofunikira monga mantha. Mwachitsanzo, nthawi zina timachitiridwa zinthu zopanda chilungamo. Kapenanso timakwiya chifukwa chakuti wina wakhumudwitsa anthu. Zikatero, mkwiyo umamveka bwino.
Izi zikutanthauza kuti sitiyenera kuwonetsa mkwiyo koma kuvomereza ngati kutengeka kwina. Tikakhulupirira kuti ndife anthu oipa chifukwa timakwiya kapena kukwiya, timatha kubisalira zomwezo, ngakhale tokha, motero timatha kuphulika pakapanikizika kwambiri.
Kumbali inayi, nthawi zina mkwiyo wosadziwika ungayambitse mavuto ena. Itha kutsogolera, mwachitsanzo, ku kungokhala chete, momwe mungabwezeretse mwa njira ina kwa anthu, osawauza chifukwa, m'malo moyang'anizana nawo, kapena ngakhale izi zitha kupangitsa kuti mukhale ndi umunthu wodziwika ndi kusuliza ndi udani.
Chifukwa chake, chinsinsi chothanirana ndi mkwiyo ndikuzindikira zizindikiro zake musanafike pobweza. Chifukwa chake titha kugwiritsa ntchito mwayi wamaganizidwe ake osagwera muukonde wawo. Tiyenera kuphunzira kusungitsa mkwiyo ndikuwufotokozera molimba mtima.
Njira 15 zothanirana ndi mkwiyo
1. Nthawi yatha
Njira yolamulira mkwiyo ndiyosavuta: imakhala ndikupumira pang'ono musanayankhe. Kunena zowona, mkwiyo suli ngati phiri lomwe limaphulika mosayembekezereka, koma ndi njira yomwe mkwiyo ndi ukali ukukula ndikulimbikitsa. Chifukwa chake, mukawona zizindikiro zoyambirira za mkwiyo, pumulani m'maganizo - mutha kuwerengera mpaka 10, kupuma movutikira, kapena kuchita china chomwe chimakupumulitsani. Ndi chinyengo chophwekachi mutha kukhazikitsa imodzi mtunda wamaganizidwe ndikuyambiranso mtima wanu.
2. Khalani wowonera wakunja
Mukayika chala chanu pabowo lotulutsa madzi, mumapeza ndege yayikulu kwambiri yomwe mungaitsogolere mwakufuna kwanu, koma mukakanikiza kwambiri kapena kutchinga payipi kwambiri, madziwo amakula mbali zonse, kuchokera kulamulira. Zomwezo zimachitika ndi mkwiyo mukamayesa kupondereza kapena kubisala, padzafika nthawi yomwe simudzatha kuwongolera zotsatirapo zake. Yankho lake ndi chiyani? Chotsani chala chanu pampopu, lolani mkwiyo kutuluka ndikuwona ngati kuti mukuyesa labotale. Muyenera kuyang'ana zinthu zomwe zimakuthandizani kuti muchepetse ndikuwongolera mkwiyo, monga kuyenda, kumvera nyimbo, kupuma kwambiri ...
3. Pezani komwe kumayambitsa mkwiyo
Kulemba kuli ndi mphamvu yayikulu ya cathartic, chifukwa chake mutha kupezerapo mwayi kuti muphunzire kuletsa mkwiyo. Ngati mumakonda kukwiya nthawi zambiri komanso kupsa mtima, tikukulimbikitsani sungani tsikulo lakuchiritsa. Yankhani mafunso atatu awa: 1. Nchiyani kapena ndani akukwiyitsani 2. Ndi chifukwa chiyani munthu / vutolo likukupangitsani mantha? ndipo pamapeto pake, 3. Mungagwiritse ntchito bwanji mkwiyo kuti mupindule? Musaiwale kuti palinso mkwiyo wina "wabwino". Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukukwiya, ikhoza kukhala nthawi yabwino kusewera masewera, chifukwa chake simumangokhala opumulirako komanso kuti musinthe magwiridwe antchito anu komanso thanzi lanu. Kumbukirani kuti mkwiyo sichinthu china koma mphamvu, ndiye kuti mutha kuzigwiritsa ntchito pozisintha kuti mukhale zothandiza kwa inu.
4. Nenani zomwe mukumva molimbika
Chenicheni chakuti timatha kuletsa mkwiyo sizitanthauza kuti tiyenera kubisa kapena kuchita manyazi. Nthawi zina ndikofunikira kuti wotilowererayo amvetsetse momwe adatipangitsira kuti zinthuzo zisadzachitikenso. Ngati ndi choncho, fotokozani chifukwa chake mwakwiyapo, molunjika komanso modekha. Nthawi zina chidziwitso chophweka chovomereza kuti takwiya ndikuwuza munthu wina chimakhala ndi mphamvu yayikulu yomwe imatithandiza kukhazika mtima pansi ndikumasula mavuto. Monga mwalamulo, momwe mukumvera siziyenera kukanidwa kapena kubisika, muyenera kungonena mwachangu osavulaza ena.
5. Lankhulani pamaso panu
Tikakwiya, timakhala ndi chizolowezi cholankhula pogwiritsa ntchito mawu wamba kapena ngakhale kuneneza olankhula nafe. Mwanjira imeneyi timapanga kufooka komwe kudzatifikitsa kumapeto. Chifukwa chake, njira yosavuta yothetsera mkwiyo ndikulankhula nthawi zonse mwa munthu woyamba, pewani kuloza chala wina, fotokozerani malingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu, ndikuwathandiza. Kuzindikira kuti wakwiya, mwachitsanzo, ndi chiyambi chabwino.
6. Osapanga zambiri
Mawu onga "konse" kapena "nthawi zonse" amakhala wamba tikakwiya komanso kukwiya, koma amangowonjezera moto. Chifukwa chake mukakhumudwa, yesetsani kuti musafotokoze, nena mosapita m'mbali ndikuyang'ana vuto lomwe lingathetsedwe. Kumbukirani kuti malingaliro nthawi zonse amathetsa mkwiyo pamene mkwiyo umadyera mopanda nzeru. Tengani impso zavutolo osazungulira, yesetsani kufikira mgwirizano womwe ungakhutitseni nonsenu.
7. Ganizirani za mayankho
Anthu ambiri amaganiza za mavuto, makamaka akakumana ndi zovuta monga mkwiyo ndi ukali chifukwa amakhala ndi mtundu winawake masomphenya mumphangayo zomwe sizimawalola kuti aone kupyola zomwe zimawakhumudwitsa. Mwanjira imeneyi aliyense amadziletsa kuti athetse mavutowo ndipo amakula. Komabe, popeza mkwiyo nthawi zambiri umayamba chifukwa cha kusagwirizana ndi mikangano, kuyang'ana njira zothetsera mavuto kumatha kusintha zinthu, ndikupangitsa kuti onse awiri apambane. Chifukwa chake, ndibwino kuti musayang'ane pamavuto, koma pazothetsera mavuto.
8. Project m'tsogolo
Mkwiyo uli ndi mphamvu zothetsera kufunikira kwa zinthu. Tikakwiya, zamkhutu zimakula pamaso pathu ndipo timakwiya kwambiri. Tikakwiya, timataya malingaliro ndikukhala anthu odzikonda, zomwe zimakhudza kwambiri omwe atizungulira. Chifukwa chake nthawi ina mukakwiya, dzifunseni kuti: Chomwe chikundipangitsa kukhala wokwiya, chidzakhala chofunikira m'zaka 5? Mwina ayi. Chifukwa chake, ndi funso lophwekali mutha kuganiziranso momwe zinthu zilili ndikukhala ndi malingaliro anzeru komanso oyenera.
9. Yesetsani kukonzanso kuzindikira
Kuti muchepetse mkwiyo, muyenera kusintha momwe mumaganizira. Tikakwiya, zathu zokambirana zamkati zimasintha kuti ziwonetse kutengeka, koma mwanjira imeneyi timakhala pachiwopsezo chomaliza chokokomeza chilichonse. Chifukwa chake, mvetserani kwambiri zomwe mumanena mumtima mukakwiya. Yesani kusinthitsa malingalirowo ndi ena anzeru. Mwachitsanzo, m'malo mongonena kuti, "Izi ndi zoyipa, zonse zatha", mutha kudziwuza nokha kuti ndizokhumudwitsa komanso zomveka kukhumudwitsidwa, koma kuti sikumapeto kwa dziko lapansi.
10. Osamayerekeza kukhala olondola zivute zitani
Pakati pa mkwiyo nthawi zambiri pamakhala uthenga wosavuta: "Ndikufuna zinthu zindiyendere." Anthu omwe amakwiya nthawi zambiri amaganiza kuti ali ndi chowonadi m'manja, kotero chilichonse chomwe chimalepheretsa malingaliro awo chimangokhala chipongwe chovuta kupilira. Chifukwa chake, kuti muphunzire kuletsa mkwiyo, ndikofunikira kuthana ndi kufunika kolondola. Tiyenera kungoganiza kuti mikangano yambiri ndi mavuto omwe amabwera m'moyo watsiku ndi tsiku sizamakhudza tokha.
11. Siyani kusunga chakukhosi
Nthawi zina kupsa mtima sikubwera chifukwa cha zomwe tikukumana nazo koma ndi zomwe takumana nazo m'mbuyomu, ngakhale sitimadziwa nthawi zonse. Ndiye kuti, tafika pamtundu wina titasenza mkwiyo waukulu. Mwanjira imeneyi, zilizonse zomwe munthu wina anena kapena kuchita, zidzakhala fuseti yomwe imayatsa mkwiyo womwe unali pafupi kuphulika. Chifukwa chake, kuti tipewe mkwiyo, ndikofunikira kuti tisasunge chakukhosi. Nthawi zonse sungani mwambi wakale m'malingaliro: "Ngati mundinyenga koyamba ndi vuto lanu, ngati mundinyenganso kachiwiri ndi vuto langa".
12. Yang'anani mbali yosangalatsa
Zitha kuwoneka ngati ntchito yosatheka. Inde, tikakwiya zimakhala zovuta kuwona zinthu ndi nthabwala. Komabe, "nthabwala zopusa" ndi njira yothandiza kwambiri pakusamalira mkwiyo. Sikoyenera kuseka mavuto ndikuyembekeza kuti amasowa koma kungoletsa ndikupanga mkhalidwe wamaganizidwe womwe umakupatsani mwayi wokumana nawo moyenera. Mutha kupanga nthabwala, zomwe sizoseketsa (chifukwa apo ayi zimangotenthetsanso mizimu), kapena mutha kubwerezanso zomwe mukukhala m'malingaliro anu, ndikuwonjezera zokongola kapena zopenga.
13. Zindikirani ndikupewa zomwe zingayambitse
Tonsefe tili ndi malo ofiira, zochitika kapena anthu omwe amatikwiyitsa ndipo amatipweteka. Kuzindikira malo abwinobwino omwe amatipangitsa kudumpha kudzatithandiza kuugwira mtima. Sikuti tithawa mavuto ndikupewa mawonekedwe athu kulimbana (kukangana), koma momwe zingathere ndikotheka kupewa zinthu zomwe zingayambitse mkwiyo. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mumakonda kukangana ndi mnzanu mukamabwera kuchokera kuntchito chifukwa chotopa, pewani mitu yovuta kufikira mutha kupumula. Ngati mukudziwa kuti mukumana ndi zovuta zomwe zingakukhumudwitseni, ndibwino kuti muziyeseza pang'ono: lingalirani momwe mudzakhalire pazomwe mukufunazo ndikuganiza zamavuto omwe angabuke. Ngati muli ndi malingaliro amisala, zidzakhala zosavuta kuti mukhale odekha.
14. Ganizirani zotsatira zake
Ndikofunika kulingalira za mkwiyo ndi zotsatira zake. Ganizirani momwe mudamvera komanso momwe zidatengera nthawi kuti mubwerere mwakale. Ganizirani zomwe mwakwanitsa ndi khalidweli. Mudzazindikira kuti chipani choyamba chovulala mwina ndi inu. Mkwiyo ndimavuto oyipa omwe amachotsa kwa inu mtendere wamumtima ndikukhazikitsa bata pamaganizidwe anu, chifukwa chake posachedwa mudzazindikira kuti sikofunika kupsa mtima. Nthawi ina mukadzakwiyira mkwiyo wanu, dzifunseni kuti: Kodi ndiyenera kutaya misala chifukwa cha izi?
15. Yesetsani kukhala wachifundo
Tikakwiya, zimakhala zovuta kuganizira za ena. Tikhoza kumva kupweteka, kuchititsidwa manyazi, kapena kunyozedwa ndikukhala ndi mtima wodzikonda. Mawu monga "Chifukwa chiyani wachita izi?", "Ungachite bwanji!" kapena "Mukuganiza chiyani?" ndizodzudzula zomwe sizitsogolera kulikonse. M'malo mwake, tiyenera kuyesa kumvetsetsa machitidwe awo podziyesa tokha. Nthawi zina anthuwa amakhala ndi nkhawa zina kapena zofunika kwambiri. Kapena anali kungolakwitsa.
Mkwiyo wosatha: ana osatha
Nthawi zina, makamaka tikachitiridwa zinthu zopanda chilungamo, m'pomveka kuti timakwiya msanga. Koma pali anthu omwe akhala okwiya kwenikweni, amakwiya pachilichonse ndipo sangathe kuthana ndi malingaliro amenewo koma amapita nawo kulikonse komwe angapite.
La Mkwiyo wa pathological ndi chikhalidwe chachibwana chomwe chimasonyeza kuti sitingathe kuthana ndi zokhumudwitsa komanso kuti nthawi zonse timafuna kukhala olondola. Zikatero, dzifunseni mafunso angapo:
- Chifukwa chiyani ndimasankha kukwiya nthawi iliyonse?
- Ndichite chiyani kuti ndikhale ndi zinthu zomwe zimapsa mtima?
- Kodi ndiyo njira yokhayo yomwe ndingachitire?
- Ndikulanga ndani ndi khalidweli?
- Chifukwa chiyani ndikufuna kukwiya mpaka kalekale?
- Ndi malingaliro ati omwe amayambitsa kapena kubweretsa mkwiyo?
- Maganizo anga amakhudza bwanji ena?
- Kodi uwu ndi moyo womwe ndikufuna?
Anthu okwiya kosalekeza amakhulupirira kuti mkwiyo ndi njira yokhayo yopezera zomwe akufuna. Chifukwa chake, ndikofunikira kuti amvetsetse kuti pali njira zina zoyankhira zomwe ndizothandiza komanso zosavulaza aliyense, kuphatikiza iwowo. Yang'anani pagalasi ndikudzifunsa nokha zomwe mukufuna komanso zomwe zimakusangalatsani. Chifukwa chake, yambani kugwira ntchito.
Malire:
Jensen, LA et. Al. (2007) Kodi mikhalidwe ya Big Five yomwe imakhudzana ndikudziletsa imathandizira kuwongolera mkwiyo komanso kupsa mtima? Journal of Research mu Munthu; 41 (2): 403-424.
Weber, H. (2004) Kufufuza mu Ntchito Yomanga Mkwiyo. Kulimbikitsidwa; 28: 197-219.
Howells, K. & Day, A. (2003) Kukonzekera kuwongolera mkwiyo: zovuta zamankhwala ndi zamalingaliro. Kupenda kwa Psychology; 32 (2): 319-337.
Mwezi, JR & Eisler, RM (1983) Kuwongolera mkwiyo: Kufanizira koyesera kwamankhwala atatu amachitidwe. Thandizo Labwino; 14 (4): 493-505.
Raymond, W. & Novaco, W. (1976) Ntchito ndi kuwongolera kwakukwiya. Am J Psychiatry; 133 (10): 1124-1128.
Pakhomo Momwe mungasamalire mkwiyo ndi chiwawa? Malangizo 10 othandiza idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.
