Nthawi ina kunali msonkhano wa nkhanu. Anachokera kulikonse: kuchokera m’madzi abata ndi nyanja zovutitsa ngakhalenso m’mitsinje. Sipanakhalepo kuyimba kokulira uku, kotero aliyense anali kuyembekezera kuti adziwe chifukwa chake.
Nkhanu wamkulu anati:
- Anzanga, ndakuyitanirani kuti mudzalankhule za chizolowezi choipa chomwe takhala tikuchita kwa zaka zambiri ndipo tiyenera kusintha mwachangu.
Aliyense anadabwa, mpaka nkhanu ina inafunsa kuti:
- Kodi chizolowezi ichi ndi chiyani?
- Yendani chakumbuyo -, Nkhanu wakale anayankha mosabisa. - Aliyense amatigwiritsa ntchito ngati chitsanzo cholakwika ndipo apanga chithunzi choyipa cha ife. Zidzakhala pafupifupi zosatheka kuti tisinthe, koma ndikupempha kuti amayi aziphunzitsa ana awo kupita patsogolo. Zidzakhala zosavuta kwa mbadwo watsopano, kotero tidzakonza chithunzi chathu.
Opezekapo anavomera, ndipo atabwerera kwawo anayesetsa kutsatira malangizowo. Kuyambira pamenepo, nkhanu zonse zobadwa zikanaphunzitsidwa kuyenda mtsogolo.
Amayiwo anayesetsa kutsogolera ana awo, ndipo ngakhale nkhanu zing’onozing’ono zinkavutika kuti ziyendetse miyendo yawo monga momwe anauzira, koma kupita patsogolo kunali kochepa chifukwa kunali kovuta kwambiri.
Tsiku lina, nkhanu ina yaing’ono inaona kuti makolo ake akuyenda cham’mbuyo mofulumira komanso movutikira.
- Chifukwa chiyani amachita chinthu chimodzi ndikutiphunzitsa china? - Mipingo.
Mosazengereza, anayesera njirayo ndipo anaona kuti inali yosavuta, choncho anasiya kuyesa kuyenda kutsogolo.
Mkulu wa nkhanuyo anavomereza kuti sakanatha kupempha anawo chinthu chimene iwowo sakanatha kuchita. Chotero, onse anapitiriza kuyenda chammbuyo, monga mwa nthaŵi zonse.
Ngakhale kwenikweni nkhanu siziyenda chammbuyo, koma kumbali, nthano iyi ya Félix María de Samaniego imanena za kufunikira kwa kusasinthasintha monga mtengo, ponse pa gawo la maphunziro a tsiku ndi tsiku. M'malo mwake, kusasinthika kwakhala chimodzi mwazinthu zomwe zimabwerezedwanso komanso zowonetsedwa m'moyo watsiku ndi tsiku. Osachepera lingaliro lake, osati machitidwe ake.
Kusasinthasintha ngati mtengo ndi gawo la chiweruzo
Mawu akuti mgwirizano amachokera ku Chilatini kukomoka, yomwe idagwiritsidwa ntchito kusonyeza kugwirizana kwapadziko lonse kapena ubale pakati pa mbali iliyonse. Zikutanthauza mgwirizano, osati mkati mwa zochitika zokha komanso m'mawu awo.
Tinganene kuti munthu amasinthasintha pamene akwaniritsa zofunika ziŵiri zazikulu: 1. kupewa kunena kapena kumva chinthu china ndi kuchita china, ndi 2. kusunga malonjezo ndi malonjezo ake. Chifukwa chake, anthu osasinthasintha amakhala odziwikiratu komanso odalirika. Timadziwa zomwe tingayembekezere kwa iwo ndi zomwe sitiyenera.
Kusasinthasintha kumavumbula mphamvu kapena kufooka kwa dongosolo lathu lamakhalidwe abwino ndikugwiritsa ntchito kwake m'dziko lenileni. Ndizomwe zimatilola kuti titchule anthu ena, munthu wodalirika komanso wodalirika yemwe amapereka chitetezo ndi mgwirizano wa chiweruzo ndi zochita. Chifukwa chake imakhala ngati guluu wamphamvu wamagulu, pomwe kusowa kwake kumabweretsa chisokonezo, kusatsimikizika komanso kusakhulupirira maubwenzi. Chifukwa chake, kusasinthasintha kumatha kukhala chinthu chofunikira kwambiri pomanga malo okhulupirirana kapena, m'malo mwake, kukayikirana komwe kumayambitsa mikangano pakati pa anthu.
Pachifukwa ichi, nthawi zambiri timagwiritsa ntchito ngati choyimira ndi gawo la chiweruzo. Timayesa kusinthasintha kwa ena kuti tidziwe ngati mawu awo ali odalirika. M'malo mwake, kusagwirizana kumachotsa mphamvu zamakhalidwe. Ndipotu, timakhulupirira kuti sikoyenera kuvomereza maphunziro kuchokera kwa anthu osagwirizana.
Koma tisaiwale kuti monga momwe timakweza nsidze zathu poyang'anizana ndi kusagwirizana kwa ndale ndi anthu ena odziwika bwino, kusasinthasintha kumativula ndi kutionetsera poyera, monga momwe zimakhalira nthano za nkhanu. Palibe amene ali wopanda zosagwirizana.
Kumanga mosasinthasintha ndi njira ya moyo wonse
Kusasinthika kwamunthu kumapangidwa m'moyo wonse. Timaphunzira zimenezi tili ana, choyamba m’banja, kenako kusukulu komanso m’madera ena. Makolo, ndithudi, amatenga gawo lalikulu pakupanga lingaliro la mgwirizano, komanso dongosolo la maphunziro.
M’moyo wathu wonse, timaphunzira m’njira zosiyanasiyana, kuphatikizapo kuona zimene ena akuchita. M'malo mwake, kuphunzira kwachitsanzo, komwe kumadziwikanso kuti kuphunzira mwa kuyang'anitsitsa, kutsanzira kapena kuphunzira mwachidwi, ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zofunika kwambiri paubwana. Ana amaphunzira poyang’ana akuluakulu, amene amakhala zitsanzo zawo ndi zitsanzo. Chifukwa chake, kuphunzitsa kuchokera ku kusasinthika ndiyo njira yabwino kwambiri yopangira izi.
Komabe, kuphunzira mwa kutsanzira sikuli kokha pa siteji ya makanda. Monga akuluakulu timapitiriza kuyang'ana makhalidwe a anzathu ndikuphunzira kwa iwo. Monga momwe ana amayang’ana kwa makolo awo kaamba ka mfundo zinazake zowalozera pamene asokera m’mikhalidwe ya anthu, ifenso timayang’ana kwa ena pamene sitidziŵa mmene tiyenera kukhalira.
Pamene mukukayika, mwachibadwa kusamala zimene ena akuchita. Ndi njira yakale yomwe imatilola kupewa zolakwika zosafunikira kapena zochitika zoopsa. Choncho, tikhoza kupitiriza kulimbikitsa kusasinthasintha kwaumwini pamene tikukula, ndikumakumbukiranso chitsanzo chomwe mabungwe ndi machitidwe amapereka. Pamapeto pake, dera lililonse ndi chikhalidwe chimapanga miyezo yokhazikika.
Koma tikamizidwa m'machitidwe omwe amasintha kusagwirizana, titha kukhala ndi vuto la kuzindikira komanso kulumikizana kwathu kumasokonekera. Malingaliro athu ogwirizana, kwenikweni, sali okhazikika koma ndi mapangidwe amoyo omwe amayenda ndikusintha malinga ndi zochitika, kutha kukhala msana wa moyo wathu kapena, mosiyana, nthambi yachikole.
Tikakhala m’dziko limene anthu ambiri amalolera kusagwirizana, timakhala ndi zinthu zitatu zimene tingathe, monga mmene wafilosofi Esther Trujillo akufotokozera. Choyamba ndi kusiya malingaliro ndi zikhulupiriro zathu, pomwe chachiwiri chimakhudza kusintha kuti dongosolo litilandire.
Mwanjira iliyonse timayesetsa kukhala osagwirizana. Zimenezi zikuphatikizapo kusiya kuchita zimene tikufuna kapena kutikakamiza kuganiza mosiyana. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, kusagwirizana kumeneku kungaloŵe m’malo, kumatipangitsa kudzimva ngati onyenga ndi kuleka kudzimva tokha.
Kuthekera kwachitatu ndikuzindikira kuti sitingathe kusintha anthu onse kuti agwirizane ndi zikhulupiriro zathu, chifukwa chake tiyenera "kutuluka" kuti tisunge mgwirizano wathu. Izi mwachiwonekere zimabwera pamtengo. Ndipo nthawi zambiri imakhala yokwera kwambiri.
Mtengo ndi kusasinthika msampha
Kukhazikika kuli paliponse. Zimadziwonetsera yokha mu umunthu wathu, kuchita ndi kunena. Zimadziwonetseranso mwa zosankha zathu, makamaka tikasankha zomwe tisunge ndi zomwe tisiya. Chisankho chilichonse chogwirizana nthawi zonse chimaphatikizapo kukana. Choncho, kuchita zinthu mosasinthasintha kumatanthauza kukhala wokonzeka kusiya zinthu zina.
Komabe, ndikofunikira kuti musagwere mumsampha wogwirizana, kutanthauza kuti ndi lingaliro lathunthu ponena za "zonse kapena palibe". Kusasinthasintha kungakhale gwero la chilimbikitso ndi msana wa moyo watanthauzo, koma kungakhalenso cholepheretsa ngati kugwiritsiridwa ntchito molimbika. Kusasinthasintha kuyenera kukhala kampasi, osati straintjacket. Tikaigwiritsa ntchito moumirira, pamapeto pake imatipondereza ndi kutiphwanya, kutigonjera ku ulamuliro wake wankhanza. Ulamuliro wankhanza umene m’kupita kwa nthaŵi umakhala wovulaza.
Tonse timasintha pakapita nthawi chifukwa cha zomwe timakumana nazo. Ndi zachilendo. Kukhalabe omangika ku zikhalidwe zomwe zataya raison d'etre ndipo sizikuwonetsanso kuti ndife ndani kapena zomwe timakhulupirira, kungokhala osasinthasintha, ndikudzipha m'maganizo. Kukhazikika ndi chida chothandizira kukhala ndi moyo wabwino komanso kukhala wowona, osati chitsa chomangidwa unyolo.
Malire:
Trujillo, E. (2020) Kufunafuna mgwirizano. Ethics.
Vonk, R. (1995) Zotsatira za Makhalidwe Osagwirizana pa Maonekedwe a Munthu: Phunziro la Multidimensional. Makhalidwe Athu ndi Psychology Bulletin; 21 (7): 674-685.
Pakhomo Kufunika kokhazikika ngati mtengo m'dziko lomwe likuchulukirachulukira losagwirizana idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.
