Zaka zambiri zapitazo, asitikali awiri adamangidwa ndi gulu la adani. Asitikaliwo adakhala zaka zambiri mchipinda chaching'ono, momwe analibe malo oti ayendemo. Munthawi imeneyo adakhala abwenzi apamtima, nthawi zambiri amalankhula za mabanja awo ndikuthandizana kupulumuka.
Nthawi zina, m'modzi wa alonda amawatulutsa ndikuwatengera kuchipinda chofunsira mafunso, komwe adagwiritsa ntchito njira zosagwirizana ndi kuyesa kuwapangitsa kuti awulule zankhondo yawo.
Asitikaliwo sanavomereze, koma adakhala zaka za hellish, akunyozedwa ndi kuchititsidwa manyazi, komanso mitundu yonse yakusowa. Mlonda ameneyu anali atawopsa kwambiri.
Tsiku limodzi labwino, nkhondo pakati pa mayiko awiriwa idatha ndipo adawamasula. Awiriwa adalonjerana ndipo aliyense adatsata njira yake.
Patatha zaka khumi, awiriwa adakumananso. Mmodzi amawoneka ngati wachira, pafupifupi wokondwa. Amuna awiriwa adauzana za miyoyo yawo.
Komabe, sakanachitira mwina koma kukumbukira zaka zomwe adakhala limodzi mu ukapolo. M'modzi wa iwo adafunsa:
- Kodi mwamukhululukira mlondayo?
- Inde, zinanditengera ndalama, koma pomalizira pake ndinatha kupitiliza - anayankha yemwe anali msirikali wakale yemwe amawoneka wachimwemwe.
- sindinachite bwino, ndimasungabe chakukhosi. Ndidzadana nazo malinga ndili moyo!
"Ndiye amakugwirabe wamndende," anayankha mnzake momvetsa chisoni.
Nkhaniyi ikuwonetsa yemwe akukhudzidwa kwambiri ndi chidani ndi mkwiyo. Ndipo zikusonyeza kuti kukhululuka kumatimasula.
Mkwiyo ndi kuipidwa zimasunthira kwa iwo omwe amazimva
Pepani. Mawuwa ali ndi angelo athu onse amkati ndi ziwanda. Tsoka ilo, kugwiritsa ntchito kwake kwazaka mazana ambiri kwatsogolera kumasulira molakwika kwa tanthauzo, mpaka anthu ambiri safuna kumva za izo.
Iwo amene safuna kuphunzira kukhululuka amachita ndi mkwiyo, kukanidwa ndi mkwiyo pa lingaliro lokhululuka. Inde, palibe amene angakakamizidwe kukhululuka. Koma kulamulidwa ndi mkwiyo, mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo si "chilango" kwa iwo omwe atipweteka, koma kwa ife eni. Buddha adati: “Kumamatira ku mkwiyo kuli ngati kugwira khala lamoto ndi cholinga choti uliponye linzake; koma ndiwe amene umawotchedwa ”.
Kusanthula kwa meta kwamaphunziro a 25 omwe adachitika ku University College wa ku London anaulula kuti pali kulumikizana kwamphamvu pakati pa kupsa mtima kwanthaŵi yaitali ndi chidani ndi ngozi ya matenda a mtima. Izi zimakhudzidwanso ndi mavuto ena azaumoyo, monga khansa.
Sizodabwitsa. Kafukufuku wina yemwe adachitika ku Yunivesite ya California komwe anthu 332 adatsatiridwa kwamasabata asanu, adapeza kuti kuchuluka kwa kupsinjika kunali kofanana ndendende ndi kuchuluka kwa mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo, pomwe zimachepa pomwe anthu amakhululuka.
Kafukufuku wina wopangidwa ndi akatswiri amisala omwewa omwe ali ndi anthu 148 adapeza kuti omwe adapeza nkhawa kwambiri pamoyo wawo amakhala ndi thanzi labwino. Chosangalatsa ndichakuti, anthu omwe amatha kukhululuka, ngakhale anali ndi zokumana nazo zovuta, analibe thanzi lamaganizidwe. Izi zikutanthauza kuti kukhululuka kumatha kuthetseratu zovuta zomwe zimachitika chifukwa cha zovuta zina.
Kukhululuka sikutanthauza kukhululuka kapena kupeputsa kulakwako
Anthu ambiri amazindikira kukhululuka ngati chinthu chomwe chimalekerera kapena kunyalanyaza choipacho. Ena amaganiza kuti zimatanthauza kuyiwala zomwe adatichitira. Palibe chowonjezera kuchokera kuzowona.
Kukhululuka kumatanthauza kukumbukira zolakwazo kuchokera pamalingaliro atsopano zomwe sizimadzutsa malingaliro olakwika ngati amenewa, kumasula wolakwiridwayo m'malingaliro athu ndikulola kuti zopwetekazo zisapitirire mwa ife. Kukhululuka sikumasula kwa iwo omwe adachita zoyipa, koma kwa iwo omwe adakumana nako.
Kukhululuka, sikofunikira kwenikweni "kuyanjananso" ndi munthu amene watilakwira. Sizokhudza kukhala naye paubwenzi. Kukhululuka ndichinthu chapamtima chomwe chimatilola kuyambiranso moyo wathu komanso moyo wabwino womwe tidataya chifukwa chotivutitsa.
Malamulo 6 okhululukirana
1. Kukhululuka sikofanana ndi kuiwala. Kukhululuka sikutanthauza kuiwala zomwe zidachitika. Munthu amene wachitidwapo nkhanza, yemwe wasiyidwa kapena kuwonongeka kwambiri, sadzaiwala zomwe zidachitika ndipo safunika kutero chifukwa atha kugwiritsa ntchito zokumana nazo ngati "mafuta" othandizira kupirira.
2. Kukhululuka sizitanthauza kupeputsa zomwe mwakumana nazo. Kukhululuka sikutanthauza kunena "Zomwe zachitika zili bwino, sizinali zoyipa chonchi." M'malo mwake, kukhululuka ndikofunikira kuganiza kuti zomwe zidachitika ndizowopsa ndipo zidatisiyira zipsera. Zimatanthauzanso kulola mabalawo kuti azichira m'malo mongoteteza bala.
3. Kukhululuka sikutanthauza kufooka ayi. Kukhululuka sikutanthauza kufooka, kupusa kapena uchitsiru, ndi chisonyezo cha luntha komanso kukhwima m'maganizo chifukwa zikutanthauza kuti, ngakhale zili zonse, mwaganiza zopita patsogolo, osalola zakale kuti ziwonetsetse tsogolo lanu.
4. Sikoyenera kuti wovutitsayo apepese kuti akhululukire. Omukira sazindikira nthawi zonse kuwonongeka komwe adayambitsa, koma sichoncho chifukwa chodana nawo. Kuti mukhululukire, sikofunikira kulandira kupepesa kapena kulipidwa. Kukhululuka ndimachitidwe amkati omwe amatipindulira, sitifunikira iwo omwe atipweteka kuti alape.
5. Kukhululuka ndi kachitidwe. Kukhululuka sikuda kapena kuyera. Ndimachitidwe ndipo, monga njira iliyonse, itha kukhala ndi zopinga ndi zokumana ndi zotsika. Nthawi ndi nthawi, mkwiyo ungayambenso ndipo mwina sitingathe kukhululuka kwathunthu, koma pamlingo wa 1 mpaka 10, titha kuyandikira 7 kapena 8, zomwe ndizokwanira.
6. Kukhululuka ndikubwino. Kusunga mkwiyo ndi kuipidwa ndizoopsa kwa inu. Zimabweretsa kukhumudwa, kukwiya kosalekeza komanso kuwawidwa mtima. Kukhululuka sikumachita kwa iwo amene adakupweteketsani, koma kuti mupindule nawo. Simukhululuka wina chifukwa chomchitira zabwino, koma chifukwa chodzichitira zabwino.
Magawo 4 amachiritso okhululuka
Tikalephera kukhululuka zomwe zidatichitikira, timayamba kukhala ndi mtima wobwezera, mkwiyo komanso kupweteka kwamtima. Nthawi zambiri njira yozunzirako imayambitsidwa limodzi ndi malingaliro owunikira za mwambowu. Chithandizo cha kukhululuka chimayesetsa kuletsa izi.
1. Nenani zakukhosi. Zomwe zawonongeka kwa inu, muyenera kudziwa kuti ndizomveka bwino komanso zabwinobwino kuti mumve kukhumudwa. Mutha kukhala ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana, kuyambira mkwiyo mpaka chisoni kapena kupweteka. Sikoyenera kuti inu muyesere kubisa ndi kubisa malingaliro amenewo koma kuti mufotokoze. Zomwe zimaponderezedwa zikupitilirabe kukukhudzani, ndikupangitsa kuzunzika komanso mkwiyo.
Njira yopanda mpando ndi chida chothandiza kutulutsa zokopa zonsezi. Zimakhala kukhala kutsogolo kwa mpando wopanda kanthu ndikuganiza kuti munthu amene wakupweteketsani alipo. Muuzeni zonse zomwe mukufuna, kuchokera pazakuwonongerani ndi chifukwa chake momwe mumamvera. Imeneyi nthawi zambiri imakhala njira yovuta kwambiri, ndipo ngati mumakwiya kwambiri, mutha kuyigwiritsa ntchito kangapo.
2. Mvetsetsani chifukwa chake. Ubongo ndiwowongolera mozungulira, chifukwa chake akatipweteka, timayesetsa kupeza chifukwa. Vuto ndiloti, nthawi zambiri, kutsatira malingaliro athu sitimvetsetsa. Nthawi zina kufunafuna malongosoledwe kumatha kukhala njira yoyipa yomwe imatiukira.
Nthawi zambiri, timangofunika kuvomereza kuti palibe kufotokozera zakutizakuti. Pali zinthu zowopsa zomwe zimachitika chifukwa tidali m'malo olakwika panthawi yolakwika. Kulandira malongosoledwe amenewa ndi gawo loyamba kutseka mutu wakudawu m'moyo wathu.
3. Kumanganso chitetezo. Kuti mukhululukire, muyeneranso kudzimva otetezeka, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti mukudziwa kuti mwambowu sudzabwereza. Inde, sitingakhale otsimikiza 100%, koma ngati tiziopa kwambiri, sizingatheke kuti tikhululukire. Nthawi zina kupezanso chitetezo sichinthu chodalira momwe zinthu ziliri kunja koma kwa ife eni, ndipo zimatengera kumangidwanso kwathu.
4. Lolani kupita. Izi nthawi zambiri zimakhala zovuta kwambiri. Ndi chisankho chomwe chiyenera kupangidwa mozindikira ndipo, mwanjira ina, chimaphatikizapo kudzilonjeza tokha kuti sitisungira chakukhosi zomwe zidachitikazo. Kulekerera kumatanthauzanso kusiya udindo wa ozunzidwa ndikupeza nyonga. Ichi ndichifukwa chake ndikofunikira kusiya mkwiyo womwe tili nawo, kuti tipewe kupitilizabe kuwononga moyo wathu.
Kukhululuka kwathunthu kumatanthauza kuvomereza ndi kumvetsetsa
Kukhululuka ndi njira yovuta yomwe imafunikira kusintha kwakukulu pamalingaliro omwe tili nawo pamwambowu. Izi ndizosintha zofunika zomwe zimakhudza kuzindikira komanso gawo lothandizira.
Inde, kukhululuka kwathunthu, malinga ndi a Bob Enright, katswiri wamaganizidwe ku Yunivesite ya Wisconsin komanso m'modzi mwa oyamba kufufuza za kukhululuka, sizimangotanthauza kutembenuza tsambalo ndikupita patsogolo. Zimapitilira apo, chifukwa zimaphatikizaponso kuwona munthu yemwe watipweteka ngati anthu ambiri omwe zochita zawo zinali zolakwika. Wolemba Emma Goldman ananena izi "Tisanakhululukirane, tiyenera kumvetsetsana."
Kukhululuka kwathunthu sikungopereka bata lokhazikika, komanso kumvetsetsa kwa munthu amene watipweteka. Kuchokera pomwepo, zovuta zimasiya kutipweteka ndipo titha kukhalanso ndi malingaliro omwe tidataya nawo tisanakhululukire.
Malire:
Toussaint, LL et. Al. (2016) Kukhululuka, Kupsinjika, ndi Thanzi: Phunziro Lamphamvu Lamlungu la 5-Sabata. Ann Behav Ined; 50 (5): 727-735.
Toussaint, L. et. Al. (2016) Zotsatira zakukhazikika kwanthawi yayitali pamaganizidwe ndi thanzi launyamata ukalamba: Momwe kupsinjika kumawonongera ndikukhululuka kumateteza thanzi. J Health Psychol; 21 (6): 1004-1014.
Chida, Y. & Steptoe, A. (2009) Kuyanjana kwa mkwiyo ndi chidani ndi matenda amtima wamtsogolo mtsogolo: kuwunika meta-analytic kwa omwe akuyembekezeka kukhala umboni. J Am Coll Cardiol; 53 (11): 936-946.
Wade, NG (2014) Kuchita bwino kwa njira zama psychotherapeutic zolimbikitsira kukhululuka: kuwunika kwa meta. J Consult Kliniki Psychol; 82 (1): 154-170.
Reed GL & Enright, RD (2006) Zotsatira zakukhululukidwa pakukhumudwa, nkhawa, komanso kupsinjika kwa amayi pambuyo paukwati. J Consult Kliniki Psychol; 74 (5): 920-929.
Pakhomo Thandizo Lokhululuka: Iwo amene sakhululuka nthawi, amavutika nthawi yolakwika idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.
