Chikondi chenicheni si kulamulira kapena kufuna, koma ufulu ndi kudalira. Sikugonjera kapena ukapolo, koma kudzoza ndi chithandizo. Komabe, nthawi zambiri timasokoneza chikondi ndi kudziletsa komanso kudalira. Timafananiza chikondi ndi kudzipereka ndi kufuna, kugonjera ndi kutaya ufulu.
Kutanthauzira kolakwika kumeneku kumasokoneza chikondi mpaka kuchisandutsa ndende yamalingaliro yomwe imatifooketsa, imatilanda mpweya wamaganizo ndikuchepetsa kuthekera kwathu. Tsoka ilo, chikondi chokhwima ndi chosowa. Chochuluka kwambiri ndi chikondi cha mwini. Ndipo tikagwera muukonde wake, tingakhale osasangalala.
“Sindingathe kukhala popanda inu”, mawu ophiphiritsa a chikondi cha mwini
Mawu ngati “Sindingathe kukhala popanda inu” kapena “sindikanakhala wosangalala popanda inu” amamveka achikondi kwambiri, koma ali ndi a kudalira kwamalingaliro zobisika. Amapereka lingaliro lakuti chikondi ndi chuma, ndipo, mopanda dala, amaika winayo thayo la chimwemwe chathu.
Koma chikondi ndi kumwerekera zimasemphana maganizo kotero kuti zikakhalira limodzi, mapeto ake amawononga ubalewo. Chikondi chikakhala ndende yamalingaliro, chimalepheretsa ufulu ndi kuthekera kwa omwe amakumana nawo.
Chikondi chimenecho kaŵirikaŵiri chimakhala chovuta, chodzikonda ndi chodzionetsera chifukwa chimaika kukhutiritsidwa kwa zosoŵa za munthu kukhala patsogolo pa za mnzake. Zimatha kukhala ntchito yokakamiza komanso yolamulira yomwe imagwiritsa ntchito ina ngati gwero kukwaniritsa zosowa za munthu. Chotsatira chake, nthawi zambiri chimafooketsa, kulepheretsa, ndi kusokoneza chinacho.
Chikondi chosakhwima chimenecho, chokhala nacho chimadza chifukwa cha kufunikira kwathu kuphatikizana. "Popanda chikondi, anthu sakanakhalako tsiku lina", anatero Erich Fromm. Komabe, kuphatikiza uku kungapezeke m'njira zosiyanasiyana ndipo sikungatchulidwe kuti chikondi chenicheni nthawi zonse.
Chikondi chokhazikika chimatsogolera ku mgwirizano wa symbiotic momwe muli matupi awiri odziyimira pawokha, koma psyche imodzi yozikidwa pa ubale wogonjera / kulamulira.
Munthu amene amagonjera amatero chifukwa akufuna kuthawa kumverera kosalekeza kwa kudzipatula ndi kudzipatula pokhala mbali ya amene amamutsogolera, kumutsogolera ndi kumuteteza, winayo amene amakhala moyo wake ndi mpweya umene amapuma. Ubale woterewu umamulepheretsa kupanga zisankho ndikuika moyo pachiswe, komanso umamulepheretsa kukhala wodziimira payekha komanso kukula m'malingaliro.
Wolamulira pachibwenzi amafunanso kuthawa kusungulumwa kwake mwa kupanga gawo lina la iye mwini. Imadzikwaniritsa yokha mwa kumeza inayo ndipo imakhala yamphamvu kwambiri pamene chikondi chimadutsa pa kupembedza. Zotsatira zake, onse awiri amakhala ndi ubale wodalira komanso wowongolera. Kuphatikizika kosilira kumachitika, koma popanda umphumphu kapena kukula chifukwa onse amadziletsa kuti akwaniritse zosowa zamalingaliro zomwe sanathe kuzisamalira paokha komanso kukhwima. Chikondi chimenecho chimatha kukhala chosokoneza komanso nthawi zambiri ngakhale poizoni.
Kodi mungadziwe bwanji chikondi chenicheni?
“Chikondi chosakhwima chimati, 'Ndimakukonda chifukwa ndimakufuna.' Chikondi chokhwima chimati: 'Ndikufuna iwe chifukwa ndimakukonda'”, analemba Erich Fromm. Kusiyana kwake ndi kobisika, koma kofunikira. Umu ndi momwe timadziwira kuti winayo ndi wofunika kwa ife, koma sitiwaimba mlandu chifukwa cha chimwemwe chathu chifukwa timayanjana ngati akuluakulu awiri odziimira okha.
"Mosiyana ndi mgwirizano wa symbiotic, chikondi chokhwima chimatanthauza mgwirizano pansi pa chikhalidwe cha kusunga umphumphu, umunthu wa munthu", Fromm anafotokoza. Chikondi chimenecho chimatithandiza kugonjetsa lingaliro la kupatukana, koma osasiya kukhala tokha.
Chikondi chenicheni sichifuna, koma chimadziwika ndi zomwe chimapereka. Kodi kupereka kumatanthauza chiyani?
Anthu ambiri amaganiza kuti “kupatsa” kumatanthauza “kusiya” chinachake, kudzimana kapena kudzimana. Chifukwa chake, anthu amenewo ali okonzeka kupereka, koma posinthana ndi kulandira chifukwa mu malingaliro amalonda a nthawi yathu ino, kupereka popanda kulandira kumatanthauza kutaya.
Kumbali ina, chikondi chokhwima chimapitirira kusinthanitsa uku ndipo chimapereka tanthauzo lina la kupatsa. Okonda sapereka kuti alandire, chifukwa kupatsa kumawalemeretsa mwa iwo okha. Pamenepa, nsembeyo imasiya kuzindikiridwa motero ndipo imataya tanthauzo lake. Monga momwe ngakhale chosowa chimataya tanthauzo.
Pakakhala chikondi chokhwima, onse amasangalala ndi kupatsa. Chinachake chatsopano chimabadwa kuchokera mchitidwe wosadzikonda umenewo, ndipo onse aŵiri amayamikira zimenezo, zomwe pamapeto pake zimasonkhezera chikondi chawo ndi kudzipereka kwa wina ndi mnzake. Chifukwa chake, "Chikondi ndi mphamvu yobala chikondi pamene kusowa mphamvu ndiko kulephera kupanga chikondi", Fromm anatsindika.
Koma kuti mukhale ndi chikondi chimenecho, choyamba muyenera kukula ndi kudzikonda. Ndi okhawo omwe akumva omasuka komanso odzidalira okha omwe angadzipereke kwathunthu ndi kukonda mpaka kumapeto popanda kutayika mwa ena kapena kufuna kuwalamulira.
Pokhapokha pamene aliyense adzatenga udindo pa zomwe akumva, popanda kuimba mlandu mnzake. Mutha kukonda popanda kukhala nacho. Kupereka mosayembekezera. "Ichi ndiye chowonadi chaufulu: kukhala ndi chinthu chofunikira kwambiri padziko lapansi popanda kukhala nacho", monga Paulo Coelho analemba. Ndipo mukayesa, simuyenera kudabwa "Kodi mungadziwe bwanji chikondi chenicheni?" chifukwa mumamva ndipo mumakhala, popanda kukayika.
Chitsime:
Fromm, E. (2007) Luso lachikondi. Buenos Aires: Paidos.
Pakhomo Chikondi chenicheni chimazindikirika ndi zomwe limapereka, osati ndi zomwe chimafuna idasindikizidwa koyamba mu Pakona ya Psychology.
