We are social beings. And this means that we have to carry a lot of ballast. Interpersonal relationships contain a paradox: the more we trust our support networks, the more pressure they can exert to make us adapt to their social standards.
Family, friends, and the professional environment are potential centers of pressure that can push us to conform to norms, habits, and ways of doing things that we don't feel comfortable with. Unpleasant emotions, such as fear of social exclusion or feelings of shame and guilt for holding different opinions, are the primary drivers of this conformity.
Of course, conformism can also offer us some advantages, such as expanding our own circles of trust, giving us an illusory sense of security. Furthermore, it prevents us from having to make many decisions because they are generally made by others for us, thus removing the burden of responsibility. But in the long run, conforming to others will eventually destroy our authenticity and prevent us from leading a happy life.
Being true to yourself requires a lot of courage, but it gives the satisfaction of taking charge of your life and moving it in the desired direction.
The 5 most devastating effects of social conformity on your life
All of us, at some point, have fallen into the trap of social conformity. We have all felt peer pressure at some point in our lives and many of us have decided to give in.
Social conformity occurs when we change our behavior due to external pressures, which may come from friends, family or society. Social conformity does not imply true internal change, but an adjustment of behavior to fit external needs. There is no intrinsic motivation, but the desire to fit in.
Of course, when we give in to others, that superficial layer of acceptance can make our lives easier by avoiding conflict and disagreements. However, the problem with social conformity is that it prevents us from living authentically, from being true to ourselves, something absolutely necessary to find our way in life. The cost of conforming is giving up our authenticity.
Living in the shadow of others, conforming to their way of seeing the world, is not living. When we try to fit the mold of others, we lose sight of who we are.
1. Severe depression. When we blindly follow society's expectations, we can end up losing the meaning of our lives. Conformism disconnects us from ourselves, from our emotions, illusions and desires, so that over time we can develop depression, the result of this inability to understand what we want and need.
2. Loss of self. Social conformity can be comforting as it generates a sense of security like a calm sea, but in the long run we will discover the limits of constantly conforming to others. The longer we cling to others and deny our individuality, the more we are forced to dissociate from who we are. This leads to a feeling of detachment and depersonalization. We can only have clear ideas when we look within ourselves to pay attention to what we need and want.
3. It hinders personal growth. Giving in to the wishes of others may be tempting because it keeps us from making decisions, but giving in to the reins of our own lives will keep us from growing. Social conformity prevents us from finding our voice. It is as if we put our lives on hold because we make virtually no decisions, but are content with the status quo.
4. Dependence on others. Conformity is, in essence, living according to what others have planned for us. There is always someone telling us what we should do, think or even feel, in the case of emotional compliance. When we are not used to making decisions, we become dependent on those around us, increasingly reducing our autonomy, independence and freedom.
5. Vital inconsistency. It's hard to stay consistent when we have to constantly adjust to what other people want. Social conformism prevents us from developing our life project and following it. In fact, it makes us constantly run after the ideas, plans, and goals of others, which add little value or satisfaction to our lives. Instead, true stability arises when we take control of our destiny, set our goals, and design a plan to achieve them.
Conforming means resigning yourself to the ideas of others, which leaves very little room for self-expression and personal freedom. Deciding to seek approval and validation from others prevents us from being true to ourselves. Social conformism leaves little room for autonomous thinking and weighs down the decision-making process. When we're too busy considering what other people want, we don't pay much attention to what we want.
For this reason, being true to ourselves means going against the tide and being willing to face conflicts. To take charge of our lives we must find a way to express ourselves and pursue what we need and want. Authentic happiness comes from connecting with our interior. We need to trust ourselves more and start listening to ourselves, instead of depending on external validation. Pursue our passions, dust off our dreams and find the courage to pursue our goals.
Source:
Stallen, M. & Sanfey, AG (2015) The neuroscience of social conformity: implications for fundamental and applied research. Front. Neurosci.; 9:10.3389.
Admission Social conformity, the cost of conforming to others was published first in Corner of Psychology.
