None of us would doubt that the relationship between a mom and her son is always very special. This is by nature, so to speak, a fact. Hence, it can be difficult for dads find their place in this binomial, especially during the first months of the baby's life. However, as children age, mobility and understanding increase, too il Pope it becomes more and more important and plays a key role.
Or at least, most of the time. Because there are children who, even at 3, 4 or 5 years old, they ask mom for everything and they refuse to receive paternal help. How can you to react in the face of this behavior and how it is possible change it?
In fact, one fact is certain: if our children always call us mothers for be helped, whether it's in search of a lost toy or a consolation after a fall, then not only our patience will reach the limit but also that of fathers, because they feel rejected and superfluous. In addition, all of this can have a negative effect on the relationship.
A testimony: "Mom, I love you more than dad"
A mother told us your experience precisely on this issue.
“I've had to think a lot about when recently my four year old daughter she whispered to me: “Mom, I love you much more than dad”. He had got me right at off guard. I wanted to defend my husband right away and tell her she shouldn't have said such a thing, because dad loves her too. But I didn't, because what she feels is real to her and I couldn't dissuade her like that. In fact, it made me think about why he said it. "
“In our house, both children usually call mom first. Because mom is there. Even though my husband is alone with the children in the morning and takes them to school and kindergarten in the afternoon there is not in their spare time. Instead, we play games, read stories, engage in puzzles and ad other activities. Dad only comes back for dinner and just before going to sleep. "
The strength of habit
"So, whenever in his spare time he needs an adult hand to help him, the reliable hand is that of the mother e out of pure habit she is called even when dad is around. There is no malice behind all this, but "only" the habit. This is probably what my daughter's statement is based on. "
“His need for attention and affection is usually met by me. I'm his usual point of contact for worries and tears, but also for good times and funny stories. Because when dad comes home, the tears dry, we play and we tell stories.
Also, my daughter is seeing now like a girl. It is clear to her that she and I have more in common than her and dad. True to the motto "We women must remain united", they are often his first choice when you need help or want to tell an important story. "
What can be done to involve the father more?
If dad feels left out or even if mom feels she has to do everything herself, it helps in the first place. talk about it openly, honestly and without reproaches. Where do they both see the reasons for the child's behavior? The child is perhaps going through a development phase?
The important it's not just blaming the other person. Nor is it dad's fault, because he is not there and he works, nor is it mum's fault, because he becomes responsible for everything. The reasons probably lie somewhere in between.
Help both parents and baby a develop rituals. When Pope, who has been out all day, comes home in the evening, should still find the time for children. This means: turning off the cell phone, sitting down and listening to the stories of the children about their day. Children need caution and the feeling of receiving no less than 100 percent.
Changing the "old domestic strategies"
All this means that both parents they must change what is normally expected of them. For example, it is not true that fathers can "only" take their children to school or play football with their sons, while mothers have other tasks, especially with regard to children. daughters. We need to overturn these mental schemes anchored to the past and understand that there are no well-defined roles.
Time spent with children, even if it is only one hour in the morning and one hour in the evening, should be used without restrictions or limits. Furthermore, you have to trust your partner and of the fact that he knows how to manage the relationship with his children well, perhaps in a different way than you do, but always with good results. So when the daughter calls mom again, when it's time to go to bed, for example, mom has to retreat back from time to time if dad wants to.
Because, as we have already learned, children are creatures of habit. If dad always puts his daughter to bed for a while, with a story and a short cuddle, he will be admired and appreciated by the little girl. Maybe not immediately, but after a few days. So when dad will tell bedtime stories without any more opposition e will be able to play freely with the children, you moms can have one too well deserved fear.
Article source Alfeminile
