Expressing our feelings in a relationship is extremely important. The acts and manifestations of affection not only strengthen the emotional bond with the other, but also lead to healthier and more stable relationships over time. However, as worthy children of a society that represses emotional expression, it is not surprising that many people find it difficult to open up to their partner.
Despite the undoubted advantages of expressing what we feel, being the first to say "I love you" can be uncomfortable. At first, couple relationships are filled with firsts that become memorable memories. The first date, the first kiss and, of course, the first time you confess that you fell in love.
The problem is that many people believe that confessing their love will put them in a vulnerable situation in front of their partner. Others fear his reaction. The fear of lack of reciprocity after confession may be paralyzing enough for some to hold back and hide that feeling.
If we follow the common stereotypes that indicate that women tend to be more romantic, sensitive and express their feelings more easily, one might think that they are the first to recognize their love in a relationship, but a study conducted by researchers from several universities worldwide, from the UK to Colombia, Australia and Poland, indicates that this is not the case.
The prejudice of the male confession
The researchers involved 1.428 people from seven countries on three continents. They were asked to answer a variety of demographic questions, as well as evaluate their attachment styles and analyze love confessions. Specifically, they were asked to talk about their experiences of saying "I love you" in a relationship, current or past.
The results showed that men said "I love you" earlier than women in relationships, a pattern that was repeated in six countries, except France, where gender differences were not as significant. However, there were no gender differences in the moment they decided to confess their love to their partner - even if they didn't - and in the level of happiness they felt with the declaration of love.
This suggests that while men are often the first to say "I love you" to their partner, women are in the same emotional attunement, even if they don't always take the first step. The study also suggested that men were more likely to say "I love you" first if they lived in a country where there were more women than men.
An earlier study conducted at the University of Pennsylvania found that men tend to feel and confess their love after a few weeks in a relationship, while women wait much longer. These psychologists believe that women are predisposed to postpone their emotions, a sort of "defense mechanism”With which they gain time to accurately assess the value of the relationship.
When to say "I love you"?
In general, science reveals that most couples feel happy when the other declares their love. The only exception is people with an avoidant attachment style, because they often feel pressured. However, this does not depend on the partner, but on the previous experiences that the person has had.
Despite the fears, stereotypes and fears, if you feel an intense emotion, it is best to share it with your partner. At worst, if they don't reciprocate, it might be a good time to talk about the future of the relationship and the source of that person's reservations. That statement can become an opportunity to improve the relationship and get it back on track.
After all, saying “I love you” doesn't just mean expressing a feeling, but also acquiring a new level of compromise in the couple. As a rule, as the relationship progresses, each partner should feel more comfortable expressing their emotions. If not, something is wrong.
Therefore, the best time to say "I love you" is when you really feel it. It doesn't matter if you've only been dating this person for three months or if the relationship is already a year old. What matters is the authenticity of the feeling and the compromise that follows.
Sources:
Watkins, CD et. Al. (2022) Men say “I love you” before women do: Robust across several countries. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships; 10.1177.
Harrison, MA & Shortall, JC (2011) Women and men in love: who really feels it and says it first? J Soc Psychol; 151 (6): 727-736.
Admission Men say "I love you" before women, according to a study was published first in Corner of Psychology.
