Russ Harris' book "The Happiness Trap" is probably one of the best 5 I've read in the last 2 years. It is simple, scientific, practical and enjoyable. It's about happiness, and about the mistakes most people - in good faith - make in trying to chase it.
A truly fluid and captivating style that makes you take the risk of reading it too quickly. A book instead that needs to be savored, 33 chapters to read one every day possibly because each of them contains very useful and very simple (which does not mean easy) reflections and exercises to digest, try and try again to see how our relationship with the emotions and thoughts.
Let's now look at 3 of the things I have left from the book:
1. The trap of happiness
Everyone likes to feel good, and we should no doubt make the most of the pleasant sensations when they arise. But if we try to always have them, we have lost at the start and we enter the trap of happiness. Because life also includes the pain, and there is no way to avoid it: indeed, it would mean avoiding a part of ourselves.
Instead, we must recognize that sooner or later all of us will become weak, sick and die. Sooner or later we will all lose important relationships due to rejection, separation or bereavement; sooner or later we will all face crises, disappointments and failures. We will all have painful feelings in one way or another and the trap of happiness is built when you try to avoid or control this pain and more generally what is unpleasant you feel.
The truth is, the more we try to avoid or eliminate unpleasant emotions, the more negative feelings we create, the more we bond with them. What remains for you to do is learn to deal with them better, to make room for them. And it all starts with acceptance ...
2. Accept
The book contains many strategies for accepting thoughts and emotions, which we too often mistakenly try to modify, eliminate and counter. Accepting does not mean that you have to like them, mind you, but that you stop fighting with them, wasting your energy, to commit them instead to something more useful.
Look around and tell me ... what do people do? She strains and wears herself out trying to control and struggle with the sounds in her head (also called thoughts) and the sensations in her body (emotions), while completely losing sight of the one thing he can control. Thing? Actions. We should focus on this, on the actions that allow us to advance our life in a direction that has value for us. After you have accepted, therefore, you can start with the action. Not just any action, but one that is consistent with your values. What are?
3. Values VS Goals
A very valuable part of the book is the in-depth study on the subject of values and how by connecting with them we can put our life downhill. The definition of value is often confused with that of goal. A value is a direction in which we continually want to proceed, a process that never comes to its end. For example, the desire to want to be a loving and caring partner is a value, which as such continues throughout life.
A goal, on the other hand, is a desired result that can be achieved or completed. Getting married is a goal and once you reach it you can cross it off the list. It is important to focus on our values and connect with them, because the objectives must be defined starting from here: from what is valuable to you, from what provides value to your life. Too often, however, people define their goals without listening to their values, and this leads them after a while to feel that they run around in circles, frustrated and without motivation.
A book to read, it made me discover ACT, which is an innovative therapeutic approach based on mindfulness, aimed at developing the psychological flexibility that allows you to overcome critical moments and live the present in a full and satisfying way.
USEFUL LINKS:
- To purchase Russ Harris' book "The Happiness Trap", click here at the link: http://amzn.to/2y7adkQ
- Join my Facebook group "Books for the Mind" where we exchange tips, impressions and reviews on Psychology and personal growth books: http://bit.ly/2tpdFaX
Article The trap of happiness - Books for the Mind seems to be the first of Milan psychologist.
