Today we talk about emotional intelligence: known to most for Goleman's best-selling book, is the ability to deeply connect with your emotions and use them to improve your life and it is a skill that can be trained over the course of our existence in order to increase it over time.
So let's see some indications to work on it in order to become a black belt of emotions.
1. Exercise emotional granularity
The first step is to practice and hone yours emotional granularity. What is it about? Well, I'll explain it to you like this: emotionally intelligent people don't say “I feel good”, but they distinguish between happy, ecstatic, joyful and extraordinary,… In short, they focus on the various facets of the emotions they feel.
The concept is that if you could distinguish the finer meanings within the classic "I feel great”(Happy, satisfied, excited, relaxed, joyful, hopeful, inspired, proud, adoring, grateful,…); or if you could catch fifty shades of "Disgusted”(Angry, burdened, alarmed, upset, mortified, resentful, frightened, envious, painful, melancholy,…); then your brain would have many options for predicting, categorizing and perceiving emotion.
People with poor emotional granularity are more likely to experience emotional and personality disorders. In addition to the fact that the less you will finely distinguish what you feel, the less you will be able to deal with emotional problems in a constructive way: if the only concept of negative emotion you have is "I feel bad"You will resort to ineffective ways to deal with it, but if you are able to distinguish the generic"I feel bad" from the "I feel alone”, Then you will be able to deal with the problem, for example by calling a friend.
Emotional granularity is the first tool to increase our emotional intelligence. If you are interested in learning more, I recommend reading Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett's book "How Emotions Are Made" (in English) of great interest.
Well, you are therefore taking the time to distinguish your feelings and are taking steps forward from the white belt "I feel bad"To the black belt"I am consumed with regret". Time to go to the next level, ready?
2. Dictionary
A dictionary can help you develop emotional intelligence because learning more words related to the emotional world is the key to recognizing the facets I was talking about in the previous point. You probably never thought that learning new words could be a possible path to greater emotional health. Yet it is from language that you master that your concepts, your ideas, your thoughts are born: sare the very words you use to guide your predictions about the world or how to distribute your energies and expectations. We can therefore conclude that these impact on how you feel.
You don't need to be a Beetle champion to be emotionally intelligent, mind you, but it's important to sit face to face with your emotions and spend time with them to distinguish and label them. So are you angry, furious, resentful or just reverse? Recognize your emotions, get inside them and learn to feel the nuances among the various feelings.
What if the dictionary doesn't find the right word to describe and catalog how you feel? No problem, let's see it with the next point.
3. Create new emotions
The third and final point is "create new emotions". Emotions are universal, but each of us must focus on his subjective and specific relationship with them and this can help a lot in increasing one's emotional intelligence. If you don't give a name to something that you cannot categorize with already existing words, in fact, your brain shrugs and throws it into the “different” heap. This should not possibly happen, especially if it is an emotion you experience frequently. So try to make an effort and to name those feelings.
I am reminded of an advertising campaign from some time ago, where new emotions were coined, for example "hopefulness", "nostalgia", "fear", ... The idea is exactly in tune with what I am telling you: giving an invented name to our unique sensations.
If you want to make it even more real, you can share the emotion with someone. For example, tell your partner the name of that unique feeling they give you. After all, the words "happiness" and "sadness" are constructed concepts: they become real because we have agreed them with others. Even dollars are just rectangles of green paper, until one day everyone agrees that they have a certain value and then they become very precious.
We have seen some ideas on how to increase emotional intelligence. It is not the only way, mind you, but in my opinion there is very little talk of these 3 steps and I wanted to bring them to your attention. To all those who have read the article so far I want to offer a sincere thanks and say that if you share it with your friends I will feel grateful! Yep, here's the emotion I invented to describe a mixed between gratitude and pride!
To buy Barrett's "How emotions are made" book, click here: https://amzn.to/2LCantq
Sign up for my free personal growth video course here: http://bit.ly/Crescita
Article Emotional intelligence: 3 exercises to increase it seems to be the first of Milan psychologist.
