Life is a paradox, Carl Jung warned us. It can go from the deepest suffering to the greatest joy, so we must prepare ourselves to face the most difficult moments, those that have the potential to destroy us. And we need to deal with them as calmly as possible lest they derail our goals and make us hit bottom emotionally. To develop strong resilience, we may need to change some of our attitudes and thinking patterns, replacing them with more adaptive intuitions.
What you deny submits you, what you accept transforms you
Jung thought that “he who does not learn anything from the unpleasant facts of life forces the cosmic consciousness to reproduce them as many times as necessary to learn what the drama of what happened teaches. What you deny submits you; what you accept transforms you”.
When things go wrong, our first reaction is usually denial. It's easier to ignore the disaster than to immerse yourself in its aftermath. But Jung also warned that “What you resist, persists”. He believed that “when an internal situation is not made conscious, it appears externally as destiny”.
Accepting reality, taking stock of what is happening, taking responsibility and acknowledging the error is essential if we do not want to fall into compulsion to repeat; i.e. tripping over the same stone again. No matter how difficult the situation, we can only change it when we are fully aware of its implications.
We must remember that “Even a happy life cannot exist without a little darkness. The word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come, with patience and equanimity." as Jung recommended.
In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order
Adversity doesn't usually come alone, uncertainty and chaos are their companions. If we don't know how to deal with them, they usually generate enormous inner anguish. Jung observed that “For many of us, myself included, chaos is terrifying and paralyzing.”
However, he also thought that “in all chaos there is a cosmos, in every disorder a secret order”. His psychological theory was very complex. Jung was convinced that the world was governed by deterministic chaos; in other words, even seemingly unpredictable behaviors and events follow patterns, even if we are unable to see them at first.
Of course, it's not easy to accept that we won't always have control over our future and that tomorrow won't be drawn in the same colors as today. But we must accept that the unpredictable and the chaotic are intrinsic ingredients of existence itself. Resisting uncertainty will only increase stress and anguish.
“When a violent life situation arises that refuses to fit into the traditional meanings we assign to it, a moment of breakdown occurs [...] Only when all supports and crutches have been broken and there is no support that offers us the slightest hope of security, we can experience the archetype that until then had remained hidden behind the signifier". wrote Jung.
Indeed, if we look back to see the obstacles we have overcome, we can look at what happened with different eyes and even make sense or make sense of what once seemed chaotic and messy.
Things depend more on how we perceive them than on how they are in themselves
Of the many letters Jung wrote, one is particularly interesting as it responds to a patient who asks him how to "cross the river of life." The psychiatrist replied that there is really no correct way to live, but that we just have to face the circumstances that fate presents us in the best possible way. “The shoe that fits well for one is tight for the other; there is no recipe for life that fits all cases”, he wrote.
However, it also explained that “things depend on how we see them and not so much on how they are in themselves”. Jung underlined the degree of drama that our perception adds to facts and which ends up exponentially increasing the anguish and discomfort they generate.
For this reason, when we navigate the rough waters of life, we must try not to get carried away by the inertia of worries and catastrophism, because this only increases the risk that we lose control of our emotions. Instead, we should ask ourselves if there is a more objective, rational or positive way of seeing and dealing with what is happening to us.
To regain self-confidence we need to add light to our shadows, as Jung would say, so we need to stop perceiving problems through the lens of our fears and insecurities to start developing a more objective and balanced perspective.
I am not what happened to me, I am who I choose to be
When we're caught up in adversity, it's easy to drift with the flow. When things go wrong, it's hard to be optimistic. And when the world goes one way, it's hard to go the other way. But Jung warned us not to get carried away, but to always keep in mind the person we want to be. He wrote about it "The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are."
To stay calm on days of instability and endless pressure, it's best to look inward and not focus too much on the noise around us. Within us reside the truths, the path and our strengths. Looking outside for answers can have a more destabilizing effect.
As Jung wrote in one of his letters, “if you want to follow your own individual path, remember that it is not prescribed and that it simply arises by itself when you put one foot in front of the other”. It is our decisions in the face of circumstances that create the path.
We can take advantage of that dark moment to find out who we are and what we want to achieve. We can use adversity as a springboard to strengthen ourselves. Ultimately, we are what we do every day, not what we used to be. So in the end we can say: “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to be”, as Jung said.
Admission Carl Jung's tips for staying afloat in life's rough waters was published first in Corner of Psychology.
