Anyone who has ever fallen in love knows that in the first moments you share with your partner you would like to become a single entity. It tries to establish a good relationship of complicity and harmony, feeling an instinctive attachment to that newborn relationship. This frenzy and enthusiasm are fading over time, absolutely normal. However, when this does not happen and, on the contrary, it exponentially increases the dependence of only one of the partners towards the other, then we are faced with that psychological state defined as dysfunctional affective dependence.
Therefore, if at the beginning of a love story a kind of addiction is considered more than normal, after the phase of the love idyll it becomes a condition in which you have to pay attention. All this can occur especially in the presence of a so-called "narcissistic“, Ie a person who tends to prevail over the other with its desires and needs, exercising a control more or less evident on the mind of those around him.
This is why it is important to be able to recognize if your relationship falls within the field of "toxic relationshipsAnd if you are experiencing a relationship that has led to a real addiction. It is believed to be similar to drug or alcohol addictions, because those who suffer from it find how a reason for living just that "substance", in this case the "pseudo love" for the partner.
The causes of emotional dependence
Let's start by saying that no one can be completely immune from emotional addiction and we are not just talking about what occurs at the beginning of a relationship, but what experts define as "dysfunctional". In general, features of those suffering from emotional dependence correspond in part to those of the present Dependent Personality Disorder. For these people, in fact, their self-esteem, personality and self-esteem are linked to the presence of one strong and stable relationship.
Behind these disorders, there are causes that can lead to this condition more easily than others. Most of the causes of emotional dependence date back to the period of the inchildhood of the dependent person.
- The (former) overprotected children: even today, many parents make the mistake of take the place of their children in making decisions. All of this has repercussions in adulthood. Thus, most of the affective addicts turn out not being able to act independently and they need to consult someone who, essentially, tell them what to do.
- Those who have suffered the trauma of abandonment: perceive the sense ofabandonment since childhood it leads to two extremely different behaviors. The first is that of lack of trust in others and an inevitable refusal to ties, while the second is that ofalmost morbid attachment to the partner, accepting anything in order not to have to live yet another separation.
- Those who cannot be alone: this characteristic can be independent from the childhood of the emotional employee. In fact, many people in adulthood have serious difficulties in being alone and, therefore, tend to do exclusive reliance and to become attached to the partner despite the risks that this entails. Knowing that you are in a relationship - although this can be considered toxic and brings little or no happiness whatsoever - it is enough to allay the fear of the affective addicts of living without someone by their side.
Know if you suffer from emotional dependence: the symptoms
Affective addiction can become a semi-pathological condition when the relationship one is carrying on is seen as the only reason behind one's life. To recognize if you suffer from this psychological state exists a variety of symptoms that you can locate.
- The partner's emotions are prioritized, leaving out their own: it is true that when the happiness of one's partner also becomes ours, then we can speak of true love. However, you should never lose sight of your feelings and emotions, because when this happens it means that you are completely canceling yourself out for another person.
- You cannot make decisions independently: making every choice, from the most important to the most trivial, is impossible if you do not have the approval of your partner.
- When you are away from your partner, you are anxious to lose them: a person dependent from the emotional point of view considers his partner essential to maintain his psychic balance and does not tolerate distance, because this causes a constant fear of being abandoned.
- You no longer dedicate time to yourselfThis fact is directly linked to not tolerating distance from the partner. Thus, the time spent alone, which is essential for a healthy and non-toxic relationship, is drastically reduced or completely eliminated, and one's personal needs are no longer satisfied, in terms of recreational activities or outings with friends.
- Self-esteem depends on the judgment of the other: the personality of those who suffer from emotional dependence is eclipsed with respect to the parter and so does their self-confidence.
- Always take the blame: when a decision is made without consulting the other, one is assailed by feelings of guilt. Likewise, one places responsibility for any negative event or situation.
- Failing to disagree with othersThis is because an addicted person does not feel important enough to make their own judgment.
How to get out of a situation of emotional dependence
Depending on the case and the severity of pressure experienced during the couple's life, to get out of a condition of emotional dependence, it is necessary to a path to be faced partly alone and partly accompanied by a specialist, through the psychotherapy.
1. Recognize and accept what one has experienced
As with all addictions, the first step to take in order to get out of that loop it consists in their recognition. Understanding and admitting that you are a victim of an addiction, in this affective case, it is essential to start a work with and on oneself and ask for help. The emotional addict may almost instinctively seek relationships with people who overwhelm him and who do not treat him as he deserves. Thus, it needs to begin to recognize this situation, accept it and begin a research on why this happens.
2. Learn to be alone
Whatever the underlying causes that have led to an addictive condition, it is clear that those who suffer from it find particular difficulties remain in solitude. Being alone causes these people a kind of disturbance, which can turn into fear, anxiety and distress. All this makes them feel the need to “attach themselves” to someone else, with the risks that this entails. To get out of it, the emotional addict must learn a not to live by reflected light, but to self-determine. To do this, he must spend time alone with himself and see loneliness not as a nightmare, but as a chance to fully know his inner self.
3. Research the causes that led to addiction
Above all, this last phase must not be faced alone but with the help of an expert in the psychotherapy path. Perhaps we have fallen into emotional dependence because we have wrong idea of love, due to stereotypes that exist since childhood. Or, it happened because of an abandonment or why you are unable to manage their emotions correctly. Once the reason behind these types of behaviors is revealed, it will be easier to work on your own esteem and onassertiveness of personality e of their thoughts, as well as modifying the erroneous conceptions that one has of love and relationships.
