The importance of active listening is enormous, but in our haste we have forgotten it. We listen absently, so the words become a background noise with which we do not connect emotionally. Or we practice theresponsive listening, then we listen to refute the arguments of our interlocutor, turning the conversation into a battlefield.
Thus we avoid empathic listening and cut the bridges of dialogue and understanding as everyone becomes more and more self-centered in their world, feeding their beliefs only with what they want to hear because it does not generate any cognitive dissonance nor imply the effort to put themselves in the place of the 'other.
The therapeutic power of listening
We all feel the need to be heard. We have a universal need for connection and belonging. We need to connect with others to feel validated and accepted. When these needs are not met, the innermost part of us becomes a breeding ground for doubts, resentments and frustrations. We can feel deeply disconnected, alone and misunderstood.
Active listening is the antidote to alienation. It is no coincidence that this is the kind of listening that gave rise to psychological therapy. In the early 1880s Josef Breuer treated patient Anna O, whose case would influence Sigmund Freud's later work. The patient referred to this treatment as a "talking cure".
Since then, active and empathic listening has had a prominent place in Psychology, but it should also be at the center of our daily life. When we stop to listen to a person and pay attention not only to their words but also to their emotions, we can connect on a deeper level. That listening has therapeutic power.
In fact, anyone can listen. Active and empathic listening is another thing. It is an attitude towards the other, an interior disposition towards the person in front of you. For this Carl Rogers was convinced of the enormous importance of active and empathic listening in psychotherapy and believed that it was the secret of its healing power. He claimed that therapy did not involve prescribing or directing the person's life, but rather being open, empathic, congruent, and free of bias to accept their fears, insecurities, feelings and worries.
The importance of active and empathic listening in life
“When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you haven't done what I asked you to do.
When I ask you to listen to me and you start telling me why I shouldn't feel this way, you don't respect my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel the need to do something to solve my problem, you don't respond to my needs.
Listen to me! All I ask of you is that you listen to me, not that you talk or do something. Just listen to me. Advice is easy. But I am not incapable.
I may be discouraged or in trouble, but I'm not useless. When you do for me what I myself could do that I don't need, you only contribute to my insecurity.
When you simply accept that what I feel belongs to me, even if it is irrational, then I don't have to try to make you understand it, but start discovering what's inside of me ", wrote R. O'Donnell in 1989.
Non-judgmental, empathic listening allows two people to connect equally. It does not only mean understanding our interlocutor, but returning our feelings to him. It is a listening that welcomes and embraces, and makes the person feel at ease and accepted, so that he can shelter and grow from that state. By listening to that person with our whole being, by being fully present, we establish a bond and it is in that connection that change occurs.
Through this reformulation, when we return acceptance and validation, we make that person feel heard, understood and accepted. However, the magic of active listening is that it works in two directions because it not only promotes change in the listener but also in the listener.
Listen with authentic empathy it involves lowering our defenses. Show ourselves receptive and put aside our prejudices. When we really listen to others, we can better understand their views and feelings, which can help us dispel our stereotypes and allow us to get rid of intolerance and rigidity.
Listening - really - makes us human. It opens us mentally and emotionally to others. It makes us more understanding and empathetic. And it helps us create a better world for everyone. The decision, of course, is in our hands. We can continue to close the doors to dialogue or we can throw them open from an open, empathic and non-judgmental position.
Sources:
Jackson, SW (1992) The Listening Healer in the History of Psychological Healing. Am J Psychiatry; 149 (12): 1623-1632.
O'Donnell, R. (1989) La escucha. In Pangrazzi, A [ed], El mosaic de la misericordia, Sal Terrae, Santander.
Admission We need to hear more, but really and everyone was published first in Corner of Psychology.
